Holiday & DD's friend is a no show

[unapprentice]

I booked a little caravan holiday for me, DD9 & her bestie a couple of months ago. Her mum was very eager for her to come & the girls were really excited. Messaged a few days ago & she said how excited her DD was and thanked me profusely, and confirmed she'd drop her to our house before 4pm, and we'd leave about 4.

Haven't heard anything from the mum today - it says she's active on Facebook but my messages are unread. I've messaged & called her auntie too but no response.

My DD has autism/ adhd and she's going to be so heartbroken! Seems really mean if she is just blanking me. I don't know her well tbh - must admit I was a bit surprised she was up for me taking her (not sure I would be) but she was & it just seems so harsh to do this now. Not sure what to do, should I cut my losses and leave without her at 5pm? Its only an hour down the road so no big rush but seems unlikely she's coming now & my DDs just getting more and more stressed with the not knowing 😔😔

Yeah thats a bullshitty response from a rude person. A person in a genuine crisis would have responded much sooner, if only so that you'd stop messaging.

I have had many a medical crisis, I have never yet been unable (or not had someone who was able to do it for me) to let someone know I won't be turning up/doing the thing etc.

Oversharers go vague when they're making excuses and wriggling out of stuff!

That isn't a good enough response to messing you around in my book. Don't worry about her blanking you, she should be worrying about your opinion of her. Having a lovely time just you and your daughter. You sound lovely!

Bollocks

Sorry but that's vaguebooking at it's finest

The girls are due to see each other at school soon, so if something terrible has happened, you'll probably hear about it then. Just send back a short "Sorry to hear that" type of message then get on with your holiday.

I wouldnt bother writing words. Find a strange emoji - ie NOT a bear care hug, thumbs up, sad face etc. And post just that in reply. This is a flake letting you down. Perhaps post a Flake - do they do that as an emoji?

I think OP sounds too nice to do that. 😂

And if something has actually happened, OP will be left feeling pretty mean afterwards.

Very easy to send a nice, dignified line and then get on with your break.

Don’t bother trying to organise anything with that mum again.

I am sorry this happened to you and your daughter. So unkind to behave like that.
However tell your daughter the truth. It's better to be honest. Have a lovely time.

Yeah I wish I was brave enough for that sort of thing sometimes but I wouldn't be able to sleep Monday night if I gave any sass 😂 will just say sorry to hear, hope you're all ok & count down the days until DDs old enough for me not to have to arrange things with her friends' mums!! Do feel sorry for her DD though, she was super excited 😟

Is "making memories with my sister" code for "my sister is dying"?

She still could have pre-warned you and apologised in advance.

No. Because on the off chance something bad has happened, the OP will look heartless and callous if she doesn't respond sympathetically. Then if the other mum tells everyone else about how the OP responded, it will make the OP look terrible and will affect how people are towards her and her daughter. School gate politics.

I thought it was. So I would cut her some slack and wouldn’t judge her in this situation.

Or vague enough to imply that she is dying but not clearly enough that OP could call it a lie if she isn't...

Yep

I would judge because I'm cynical and don't believe it's true. However you have to treat her nicely to her face don't you because of the off chance it's true!

I would rather give her a benefit of doubt in these circumstances it’s better to be too kind than too cynical.

Making memories 🙄🤢

Reply "Sorry to hear that" at most. I wouldn't even add 'hope you're all okay' because frankly I'd hope nothing positive for them after doing that to you.

There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for not letting you know OP.

I know you don't want to do the confrontation. I think the mama bear may come out later on when being shit on becomes common place.

tbh I think your bairns going to get a different story at school anyway. You'll know then what to do.

I wouldn't even open it tbh. Definitely not respond at all.

"Making memories" and the complete lack of contact when they had plans (rude in any circumstances) would make me very very sceptical. I'd put little in writing just in case but I think it's very very unlikely that the sister has received a terminal diagnosis in the past 48 hours.

I mean...this sums it up for me. My inner teacher who's heard all the excuses under the sun smells a rat.

How hard is it to write, "We've had unexpected and difficult news about a family member and need to spend time together in the circumstances."?

OP has no choice but to be kind, feel sorry etc but I strongly suspect that she's dealing with a dishonest, emotionally manipulative person who can't own up to their awful behaviour towards a ND child.

I mean. I'd be tempted to reply "oh no Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear that Jane is dying, what an awful tragedy for you all. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers", but probably best not to.

It is vague but perhaps she thinks you know about the bad news already, I would have had to ask

I, too, find it too vague to be genuine.

I'd briefly respond and wish her well.

Then, avoid and go quiet / low key.

I'd encourage your daughter to expand her social circle.

You sound lovely OP - sounds like your dd is having a lovely time despite being let down. Best wishes

Even if her sister had discovered she had a terminal illness....she could still have cancelled...

She's a massively bad mannered and selfish human..keep your distance