Holiday & DD's friend is a no show

[unapprentice]

I booked a little caravan holiday for me, DD9 & her bestie a couple of months ago. Her mum was very eager for her to come & the girls were really excited. Messaged a few days ago & she said how excited her DD was and thanked me profusely, and confirmed she'd drop her to our house before 4pm, and we'd leave about 4.

Haven't heard anything from the mum today - it says she's active on Facebook but my messages are unread. I've messaged & called her auntie too but no response.

My DD has autism/ adhd and she's going to be so heartbroken! Seems really mean if she is just blanking me. I don't know her well tbh - must admit I was a bit surprised she was up for me taking her (not sure I would be) but she was & it just seems so harsh to do this now. Not sure what to do, should I cut my losses and leave without her at 5pm? Its only an hour down the road so no big rush but seems unlikely she's coming now & my DDs just getting more and more stressed with the not knowing 😔😔

I agree you sound amazing. I can't believe how rude some people are. I hope you both have a lovely time.

Have a great time. I wouldn't waste any more time on this person. Chalk it up to experience and encourage your lovely daughter to forge other friendships where hopefully the parents aren't so flakey and she can have the friendship experiences she deserves.

@unapprentice you sound like a lovely mummy and they have let you down. I'm guessing child does not want to go now and they are too chicken to be up front. Don't give a second chance and put some fun photos on Facebook xx

Appallingly rude OP.
It sounds like you are having a nice time though.
Would make no further effort.
People can be so ignorant.

I am astonished by how rude that girl's mother has been. Unless a genuine emergency has taken place, there is no excuse for the no-show.
How bizarre.

Have a lovely holiday. xx

Yes, put a photo up of your daughter and friends she makes on this holiday.

Do not contact this other mother. Your time and your daughters company are just as valuable as theirs. Boundaries. Have a great time!

I'm really curious to know what the mum says next time you see her! And what you say to her - I've no idea how to handle people like this. If my DD really didn't want to go at the last minute I'd at least lie and say she'd suddenly vomited. I can only imagine they have had some huge family emergency.

That's so lovely about the room for DD and how you're making the best of a bad situation.

Hope you enjoy your weekend.

Wow I can't believe this has happened to you! And I presume your DD will still want to be friends when she gets home so you can't properly cut them off or make no further plans even (not holidays again obviously).

You sound like a lovely mum and she could have at least pretended and said they had a stomach bug!!

Long shot.....
Clutching at straws

Maybe, just maybe Mum has an alcohol / drug problem and wasn't in a fit state to bring her dd to yours, or forgot.

I know something similar happened to a child I knew. She missed out on things because her Mum wasn't always in a fit state to bring her.

From your explanation of how the holiday idea came about, I’d guess the DD and the mum effectively over- committed themselves to an idea and then it became reality. It’s quite odd to go away on a holiday if you haven’t built up the relationship through spending more time at each other’s houses etc. It takes the child from a bit of playtime in a neutral space to 24/7 time together in someone else’s space. She should have told you they had changed their minds though of course.

I would leave things now and don’t message again. It sounds like you have given your DD a lovely holiday!

I agree @BlueyTuesdays it is very likely something like that.

It's the lack of any contact to make their excuses that tips this over into being rather bizarre.

Polite bodyswerve from now on. OP will probably never know what happened.

How long is the holiday OP?

Could it be that the other Mum has realised her DD would miss the beginning of term and didn’t want to do that?

Very rude not to let you know though.

From OPs post they'll both be at school on Tuesday and the holiday is only an hour away. I took it that this was a weekend break and, as in the case in many schools, Monday is an INSET day.

Ah. Sounds like you had more contatct than I initially imagined and I did wonder if I was being harsh ... gald your holiday is going well in spite of it all. Keep enjoying. Best wishes

It sounds like you've managed to make your DD feel okay and enjoy herself in what could be a pretty a shit situation for her (and you). Well done op, you're a wonderful mum. Have a lovely weekend with you DD.

Don't do that. Why would you do that? You can't post pictures of other people's kids on the Internet to "brag" it's weird and there are all sorts of creeps out there

Similar happened to me as a teenager. I was 13 I think when we went to pick my best friend up to join us on holiday and she wasn’t there. She was late coming back from her dad’s (who perhaps didn’t know she had a deadline) and eventually (after a couple of hours) did appear to her empty home where she packed a bag quickly and joined us. No sign of mum at all.

You’re right @CongratsOnYourLilBump I hadn’t spotted that in OPs posts.

Appalling behaviour from the other mum and I’m glad OP and her DD are having a good time.

Yes very odd

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments!

I hear what people are saying & will learn from this for sure. I'm quite socially awkward (suspect I'm autistic as well) but in our old town, the school mums were super forthcoming & always suggesting playdates etc & as we'd known them since reception, the relationships just developed without me having to do much if that makes sense!

But where we've moved to, the parents aren't like that at all - nobody seems to have playdates or do much out of school, DD was the oldest at holiday club every day. But she really craves that interaction so I'm having to put myself out there which I find super uncomfortable.

So in my head I was just like well I wouldn't be so easygoing with DD but if the mum is then that's up to her, I know her DD will be safe with me & if she gets upset and wants to go home then I could get her home within the hour.

But I didn't anticipate this so have learnt a lesson for sure!!

DDs totally fine, she feels sorry for her friend because she's missing out on all the fun but that's it really - really proud of how she's dealt with it, she struggles with things not being how she'd imagined/ planned so I'm really surprised & impressed!!

I did brave the high ropes today and they were horrific lol!

Anyway, I got this reply from the mum... not sure tbh, she's usually an oversharer & unless somebody had been rushed to hospital or something I think I'd have taken the 30 seconds to message yesterday & say she couldn't come, even if I'd received bad news.

Butttt maybe it's sometning super awful, I guess I can't know for sure. Plus I was dreading the school run if she was still completely blanking me so at least it won't have to be super awkward - haven't replied yet but I think I'll just wish them well & be more wary in future.

Unfortunately I'm cynical

And yes Monday's an inset day, so it was a little bit cheaper this weekend, hence the timings!