Holiday & DD's friend is a no show

[unapprentice]

I booked a little caravan holiday for me, DD9 & her bestie a couple of months ago. Her mum was very eager for her to come & the girls were really excited. Messaged a few days ago & she said how excited her DD was and thanked me profusely, and confirmed she'd drop her to our house before 4pm, and we'd leave about 4.

Haven't heard anything from the mum today - it says she's active on Facebook but my messages are unread. I've messaged & called her auntie too but no response.

My DD has autism/ adhd and she's going to be so heartbroken! Seems really mean if she is just blanking me. I don't know her well tbh - must admit I was a bit surprised she was up for me taking her (not sure I would be) but she was & it just seems so harsh to do this now. Not sure what to do, should I cut my losses and leave without her at 5pm? Its only an hour down the road so no big rush but seems unlikely she's coming now & my DDs just getting more and more stressed with the not knowing 😔😔

Aww OP I'm so glad she's happy. She will love having the big room, I would have at her age.

As for picking the friend up, they would need a bloody good excuse for me too, but I too would if it would make a child happy. It's one thing adults letting each other down but to do it to a child seems really mean

Have a wonderful time OP, and in a few years (several years hopefully), your lovely DD may not want to go away with you, so looking to the future, this lovely trip together will be a blessing in disguise.

That said, I also find it so hard when I get stone walled on behalf of my DD, happens surprisingly often. I'm looking forward to not helping organise her social time in the future (just pick up pieces on the inevitable fall outs).

What an absolutely shitty thing to do!
I hope you both have a lovely time just the two of you. X

I sympathise, op, and you sound very nice.

However I do find it strange that you and the other parent don't know each other's telephone numbers and you don't even know the girl's precise address, only vaguely where lives. Does she know your address?

One doesn't normally arrange a trip with away for children without knowing more details. The parents generally get to know each other a bit before anything like that, even staying overnight. Presumably your daughter has been to the girl's home and visa versa (if you have said I apologise, I didn't notice), I wonder how that worked, and are they even at the same school.

It all sounds too vague for words and, frankly, not safe. I'm sure you are a safe person but not so sure about the other parties and they may not be sure about you. Perhaps a friend or relative had a word in the other mum's ear and she decided against the trip; being as it was arranged so informally, she may have felt it was easier to just let it go.

I am sorry if your girl is disappointed but, in future, please be more careful and make firmer arrangements. This one was too casual. I hope you both enjoy your weekend.

If no meet ups had taken place before rhw holiday to discuss that is a sign that aprent not really going to follow thru. Agree with others who said dont lie....it doesn't help your dd with any life skills ...you ahve a loveky example of what to say from one poster..I would, however, write a message to the mom saying that you ahd planned amd.anticipated that her dd was comign, and that had you known otherwise upu cluld have avoided huge disappointment for your daughter, and factored in other plans . And I would not trust her again
.tbh if she didnt check you out beforehand, or you her, I think it's both of you not really planning well to manage the situation.

Hope all went /is going well and you and dd have a great holiday and she has an idea of how to approach things when she comes back to school. .

Enjoy!

Oh gosh this is a weird situation why on earth would they do that

Wasn't there a thread a few weeks ago about a woman who was worrying about sending her dd away with a family she didn't really know?

I hope you and your girl have the best time. Her mum sounds like a bit of a coward for not being able to be upfront with you. Hopefully that won't reflect on the future friendship of your girl and this friend, but definitely be cautious with any promises this mum ever says in future...x

I find it bizarre that you're taking a kid away and don't know where they live or what the parents contact details are

I think it's exceptionally rude of the mum. Also I don't think I could cope with only communicating via FB with people who I needed to do holidays and playdates with. I'd insist on someone's number.

I think you should just tell the truth that you don't know what's happening with them. You'll go ahead and then if they are coming they can meet us there. Then try and distract her with talking about the fun stuff you can do there.

It's better not to make up a cover story for them. If people are unreliable it's disappointing but good for kids to be adaptable and resilient in this type of scenario. And to show her you can have fun without the friend as well.

I hope there's no crossed wires and she's been waiting for you to pick up her DD...

I bet the mum had second thoughts about letting her 9yr old go away with a stranger? I absolutely wouldn't allow this. No offence to you or anyone but not at such a young age. No way.

Yes there was!

I am trying to find it as there are similarities.

The OP of THAT thread was concerned the friend's mother hadn't been in contact since the holiday was booked/money paid. She also had hardly any contact details for the other parent (no phone number etc), had never met the Mum properly and her dd was 5 or 6. I think it was a Haven or caravan type holiday? She posted to ask if she should think the holiday wasn't going ahead and lots of posters said why on earth would you let your child go on holiday with a relative stranger and she eventually agreed it was a bad idea but she'd felt pressured into it and reassured that the other parents were sensible and trustworthy due to some sort of safeguarding role.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5133675-to-think-shes-gearing-up-to-cancel?postsby=SunflowerMabel&page=2

Just found the other thread...it's not related to the OP of this one.

OP...I'm really sorry for your DD. There is no excuse unless some sort of tragedy and it will be interesting to see how they intend to handle things at school. How odd some people are. Hope your DD has a wonderful time regardless.

Yeah, fair point. Basically they were playing at the park a couple of months ago & I was talking about how sometimes on holiday I wish she had a pal to play with, and she said her DD would be up for coming along and it sort of came from that. I checked before I booked, we spoke about it quite a few times & then confirmed times earlier this week. She has my number & knows where I live, but just prefers to message via messenger. It does seem like everyone in our new town uses it like WhatsApp etc. so not really different than having their numbers. Except in this case, maybe! I don't like it, much prefer texting but it's apparently the norm. I guess things are maybe a little chaotic from their end but their DD is lovely, they are best friends at school, and I've taken her out quite a few times. She's such a good friend to mine & I don't think they get the chance to go away much so I thought it'd be nice for her to have a couple of days of fun an hour from home. Her mum's a bit intimidating tbh so I definitely won't start any confrontation! Will just not offer again I think.

Agree with the PP who said they can't wait until the time when they can stop organising their kid's social life for them!

Had a little dance & a go on the 2p machines and DD & the dog are both snoozing away

All's well that ends well, unapprentice.

Well, if she has your number and address then I guess she is free to call you, despite messenger being the same really (I have it for the same reasons, it works just fine when people have the capacity to be online which from your posts seems to have been the case for several family members - although I agree with you, I wouldn’t have agreed to the same arrangement in reverse…).

It sounds like (I may be completely off mark) the other little one doesn’t have very stable circumstances but is your DD’s friend, so it seems to me that you were trying to do something nice for all.
I do agree with PP regarding reluctances to suggesting it and agreeing to it without more information/contacts/etc (although naturally you don’t have to specify everything on a public forum), but I would say that as you have tried to reach out many times, and unless you think a police welfare check would be appropriate (it isn’t possible to say from your posts, might cause animosity, might be helpful, and anything in between, overall only you know - as I’ve worked in a close field though, the police would definitely triage especially if you go by 101 rather than emergency ones - would the family guess it came from you, well, yes possibly realistically, so it goes back to how much you actually know about them, if you have any safeguarding worries etc ; only you can make that decision really - I work in a related field and while I don’t give advice on forums in general (and am on maternity leave back in one of my home countries!) I would say if in doubt better safe than sorry, in other words if in doubt make the call and just phrase it accordingly ‘I’m worried as X hasn’t come and can’t reach her family’, so no drama or anything, but at least it’s done - again though, hard to comment given the scarcity of information)

Otherwise, hope you and your DD have a lovely weekend 🌼

I’m glad you’re both have a great time op.

Please come back and tell us her reasons why she was a no show.

Such bad form her just ignoring you. Glad your DD seems ok about it

As regards the confrontational behaviour that is done to prevent herself taking responsibility for anything if you or others complain about an issue she is involved in. kind of like a scare away tactic. yoù ar her equal in every way and she will try lots of tactics to make you feel small. So you can speak up about what happened and expect backlash or you can keep your litle girl away from someone who puts so little value on her.

Will there be hut/fort building? 😁

I'd personally keep attempting to contact her - not obsessively or letting it be the focus of your weekend, obv - eg ask if she could reply just to put your mind and your daughter's mind at rest, no judgement, no upset, just pls let me know you're ok

I wouldn’t message her again. Rude as fuck really

@CongratsOnYourLilBump

Well done ! I had a look and couldn't find it. Yes obviously not the same situation.

Just wanted to say that you sound like an amazing mum 😊I hope you and DD enjoy the rest of your holiday 💫