Holiday & DD's friend is a no show

[unapprentice]

I booked a little caravan holiday for me, DD9 & her bestie a couple of months ago. Her mum was very eager for her to come & the girls were really excited. Messaged a few days ago & she said how excited her DD was and thanked me profusely, and confirmed she'd drop her to our house before 4pm, and we'd leave about 4.

Haven't heard anything from the mum today - it says she's active on Facebook but my messages are unread. I've messaged & called her auntie too but no response.

My DD has autism/ adhd and she's going to be so heartbroken! Seems really mean if she is just blanking me. I don't know her well tbh - must admit I was a bit surprised she was up for me taking her (not sure I would be) but she was & it just seems so harsh to do this now. Not sure what to do, should I cut my losses and leave without her at 5pm? Its only an hour down the road so no big rush but seems unlikely she's coming now & my DDs just getting more and more stressed with the not knowing 😔😔

Are you sure she hasn’t just gotten the dates confused? Or maybe there was a family emergency, hence why you also can’t reach her family member? Thinking someone was ghosting me and a holiday wouldn’t be the first place my mind jumped to. Especially when she had ample opportunities to get out of coming.

Hope you both have a lovely time

This seems like a really great way of saying it, taking into account your daughter’s circumstances (need for honesty - especially regarding your long term relationship with her, although you seem so lovely OP this is a sad read).

For PP mentioning lack of telephone numbers, messenger is essentially the same as in you can just call (same as a regular number or WhatsApp - I’m not huge on social media personally and have FB and messenger for pretty much the same reason it seems OP does ; although true that online status doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actually available - you’d get the call notification though showing up, the same way as a regular missed call - then again, if there was (very hopefully not) an actual emergency I guess it depends on many things whether the mum would actually reply to OP).

I hope you have a great weekend OP, hopefully there are no unfortunate circumstances on the other side. It seems to be a weekend break from your posts so I would carry on as you planned and try to make the best of it with your DD, and the door is open if the other mum contacts you at some point (as it seems you’re not that far away as well). I’d send a simple message I think just saying I don’t have other means to contact you, I’m here if you need anything but cannot help if you don’t reply, something short like that for the sake of benefit of doubt, but otherwise there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do so I hope you enjoy your weekend 🌼

It sounds like you have made multiple attempts to reach out. I would leave it alone at this point. If the friend wants to come they know how to get a hold of you. Continue with your plans with or without her. I hope your DD enjoys herself!

If the mother had been online it takes 2 seconds to send a message saying one way or another what's happening. It's a shame for your dd who was obviously looking forward to her friend coming. I hope you and her can still have a great time

I imagine the OP was driving and now settling in. I really hope the other mother has responded.

Barring an emergency, if she avoided any contact still, I would be livid. People like that need to think what affect their actions will have on their kids because I certainly wouldn't invite the kid again, sadly as its not her fault.

They were obviously going to exchange numbers before OP took off.

Is she not near enough to go round and see what is happening? The fact that the mother said her daughter was excited and looking forward to going away with you just a short while ago leads me to think something has happened, or maybe her daughter is having a last minute panic about leaving mum for a few days; that does happen.

Have any friends in common?

I have a friend like this, we will make a plan she’ll act so excited and say she can’t wait and then on the day I hear nothing from her at all, she will read my message but simply won’t reply, she’ll ignore polite texts and phone calls and then I won’t hear from her for months because she’ll find it awkward that she blanked me.
I couldn’t imagine doing this to a child though. Can only imagine how excited your daughter would have been to have her there. I hope she has the best time anyway!

I agree honesty is the best policy. People are weird. Hope you have a lovely time op

Ah I'm so sorry!

Messenger can show people as active for 5 mins after they actually come off.

Very mean, I don't know how people can do that to others.

I hope you both have a lovely weekend

Thanks everyone for your well wishes! I basically said what a PP said and focused on all the good stuff about it being just her (eg double arcade money, getting to choose whatever activities she wants whenever she wants, I'll go on the dreaded high ropes with her lol) & I pushed the small beds together for me so she can have the big bedroom with the dressing table 😁 she's happy now! Grabbed a burger once we'd arrived & she's scouted out some potential pals already.

Still nothing from the mum & both her and the auntie have been on & offline since my messages so I don't think it's a mixup & they just haven't seen my messages.

I know vaguely where she lives but not the exact house, my DDs never been there, she's just come to ours (their housing situation is a bit complicated). And yes I agree re the phone number, and was going to ask for it when she came & dropped her off - as I say, I wouldn't be at all comfortable the other way around but god I'd never do this even if I/ DD had a last minute panic!

She doesn't drive but DD asked whether we could go get her tomorrow if she messaged ... I feel like they'd need a bloody good excuse!! But I would do it tbh cos I'm soft

Wow! So out of order for them to do this. For the record l wouldn’t do this

I hope you have an amazing time. Lots of fun times, ice cream and giggles

Are you sure that they have definitely read the messages? They could have got their dates mixed up. Even so, I would expect masses of grovelling.

You sound so lovely OP ☺️ Your daughter is a lucky girl!

Unless it was a life or death situation, I really can't think of a good excuse not to say ANYTHING to you and just not show up!

Your last paragraph... your daughter is so lovely and generous of heart, as are you.
I hope they've got a jolly good reason for the no-show. Awful manners.
I suspect back at school they will breezily be their usual selves and not mention it at all. They'll expect to just carry on as though nothing has happened.

Forget about them. Enjoy yourselves x

Glad to hear she’s happy OP, all that matters.

As you don’t have any other means of contact, nor even know their address - and - the adults have been online so they would have noticed even if not read your messages, in my eyes you’ve done what you could (I mean if everyone was offline maybe a police welfare check or similar could have been appropriate, but pretty unsure here, I guess only you know the specifics though).

You’re very kind to consider picking her up tomorrow depending on circumstances, although I agree that it would depend on the reasons : on one hand given the ages they’ll be together for a while longer so sometimes it’s best to just grey rock people rather than full out dispute, on the other hand your DD deserves emotional security too. I do feel sad for the other little one also, can’t imagine she’s hugely happy whatever the reasons - but you seem to have tried your best, and to each their child, so I hope you enjoy your weekend (as for the high ropes, maybe just use the friend’s arcade money to offer a spot for a little pal to join instead of you…! It’s not really in the category of ‘buying friendships’ here I think, it’s only a weekend, you budgeted for it anyway, and who knows maybe you’ll make another LO’s day🌼)

What a lovely person you are, and amazing mum to your little girl. I hope you both have a fantastic holiday! 💕

and regarding the friend - you are enough for your daughter to have the best time

Poor sweetheart daughter, hope they have a bloody good reason

Thank you for posting this after my reply, as I regret a little the possible insinuation in my message just above that OP alone wouldn’t be enough - I just thought about this afterwards : so to clarify I did only mean that having done caravan holidays myself ages ago but with hardly any money for any arcades at all - and OP mentioned that her DD is already scouting out potential pals (this is probably (except for the obvious aspect where I hope the other LO is ok) one of the sweetest elements here : she’s rising up and hopefully will thrive from the experience)), maybe just try to connect with other families, who knows maybe their kids don’t have the funds for activities, maybe they do but would love an extra pal, just that basically really (and you can avoid those high ropes ha - I love my very LO more than anything but there are limits at some point☺️)

Really hope you enjoy your weekend OP 🌼

What a flaky shit. So sorry for your daughter OP.
Have a lovely time together.

Oh that's sad even if the friend had suddenly got cold feet going away from home, you would drop a message apologising.
Seems very odd way to behave. Probably for the best if they are chaotic and can't be polite to even drop a message.

Wow how fucking rude of them!
I've been in similar situations, and will never understand why people do this! If you say you are coming/meeting up, and then change your mind just message the other person!!!!
(Actually been sort of stood up today grrr)