Have you ever been seriously over or underdressed at an occasion? Or learned you were just before getting there?

[AnnListersBlister]

What did you do?

Mine happened a few years ago with a newish friend. He'd just split with his girlfriend and was upset that he had no date for a party he was going to-his Mum and stepfather's anniversary. He asked if I'd come and I said of course-love me a good party.

This friend was a bit of a scruff truth be told. Obviously it didn't bother me as I liked him a lot and I am not concerned about things like that but it is relevant because my mind must've thought 'friend and party=casual'. He lived in jeans and T shirts, his work clothes were a bit too large for him but he didn't care, his house was a bit of a tip, he liked his rocky music and rougher pubs-all in good fun, we got on well.

It was summer and I found myself in a strange town with him before the party where he was last minute buying them a present. I don't know what it was, but something brought a cold wave of reality over me when I realised that this wasn't going to be a casual event at all. I think from something friend said.

We went into a shop where he was choosing a photo frame and I made an excuse about needing some last minute make-up supplies and ran outside. I had about 10 minutes and the only shops I could see were a charity shop and a small, independent shoe shop. I ran into the charity shop and hurriedly rushed around like a madwoman but VERY luckily found myself a lovely black silky midi-dress.
Stuffed it in handbag.

Ran across to shoe shop. Very luckily for me spotted a pair of strappy heels in the sale and snapped them up.
Ran outside to friend looking around for me, apologised and told friend that I'd just realised that the heels I'd brought with me might be a bit too painful to wear all night so I decided to pop into a shop and buy some others.

He bought it.

It was a fab night.

Now I am writing this I am thinking the more wise of MNters are all going to say that I should have said 'Sorry friend, I am just realising that this might be a bit more of a formal affair than I thought, would you mind if I just go off and look at clothes for half an hour?'

But yes, that's not me. --Plus I think if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd have made sure my friend knew what sort of party it was!

No, but I do remember two women, probably early 20s, who were extremely glammed up in what used to be called cocktail dresses - for a Classic FM concert at the Albert Hall - which was packed, and where everyone else was in pretty normal day wear, vaguely smart- or even fairly scruffy-casual. .

I did wonder whether they were embarrassed!

@mondaytosunday I went to a wedding (appropriately dressed), single, where the party was entirely Scottish country dancing. Definitely no opportunity to dance other than in a man - woman couple (or, I guess, an established same sex couple). There were a fair few men just sitting out of the dance which was a bit mean-spirited. I got more and more bored, and sad.

This brings back a horrendous memory.

We were going to a new groups "dinner and dance". My DH in DJ, me in ball gown!
We arrived outside in the car and I noticed no other woman was dressed in a ball gown!
My DH went in and I drove home, changed into a smart dress and returned, still nervous I may be underdressed now! Crept in, starters had just been delivered, found my DH. No woman was overdressed so relieved I had realised. Turned out it was just a dinner! I made sure I spoke to the one lady I knew after that near miss!

This happened to me about 5 years ago. I’d been going through a deep depression and piled on a lot of weight, so leaving the house was difficult. My boyfriend at the time was invited to a birthday party and asked me to come along, even though I knew nobody he sold it to me as a house party, small, casual get together kind of thing. I wore a massively oversized t-shirt to try to hide my body, jeans and trainers. We pulled up to this enormous house, balloon arches and signage outside and walking into the house I realised all the other girls were wearing dresses and heels, done up to the nines. No expense had been spared for this party (think champagne, donut walls, professional lighting, dj etc). I was there for an hour or so trying to mingle but I was so anxious and ashamed I quietly begged my boyfriend to take me home. He outright refused and said I was ruining his night and embarrassing him, so I got a taxi home by myself and cried the whole way home. I could have made much more of an effort if he’d told me the truth of the event. The relationship didn’t last much more than a few months after that. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me anyway. I’m much happier now, single, no longer depressed and nearly 6 stone lighter so although it was pretty shit, I don’t pay it too much mind now!

I always had a bit of a battle in the office about Christmas Jumper Day.

We did it for charity and for social media, and one staff member even got the CEO to join in (who thought that it would be a SM disaster for him to wear a Christmas jumper, even though literally all our clients were doing it).

It usually coincided with our work Christmas meal, and the team were split 50:50, with half fussing that we'd look awfully underdressed going out in them, and half of us riotously wearing the silliest ones we could find.

Wherever we went, however exclusive, everyone there was wearing Christmas jumpers. The people dressed "nicely" stuck out like a sore thumb.

I went to my DS's school award ceremony earlier in the year. Having asked around etc and been told these events are usually smart casual I decided on an informal but office friendly dress and nice shoes. Got there to find only the staff dressed up to that level. Parents were in leggings and trainers, football shirts, gym wear etc.

I went to a wedding once where all the bride's side were in morning dress and all the groom's in lounge suits.

I once gate crashed a posh awards do at my work, my plan was to sneak in the back and watch Rod Stewart (love a bit of Rod!) and then leave but I saw a guy I knew and he pulled up a chair at his table and poured me a glass of wine.

Anyway we got chatting, and stuck into the wine so I ended up staying. At the end of the awards there was an after party and I was pissed enough by then to think ‘sod it - no one will notice’ and go to the after party too. Everyone was in proper ball gowns and tuxes and I was in jeans, a T-shirt and trainers.

Had a fab time and ended up dancing with a Strictly dancer which was AMAZING!!

Yep. Years ago, turned up to husband’s colleague house at Regent’s Park for a pre-Christmas party in jeans, white shirt and cowboy boots (the 90s) because he said the host had told him it was “casual”.
Saw some very smart people in suits through the windows and panicked. He said, oh don’t worry, that’ll be the waiting staff. It wasn’t. 😁
Tbf, the host (American) was in tailored shorts.
We just found the other few who’d taken casual at its word, drank quite a lot of Jack Daniel’s and had a great time!

That must've been, interesting....

I did give it a good sniff and it had obviously been recently washed (of the frock that I bought). It was a lovely dress, cost me about £5 and lasted many more occasions, until I got green oil paint on it!

So, so true! I am going to remember that as some of the best MN advice ever!

When I was 10 or 11 we had a MUFTI day at school. My little friends and I had a discussion about all getting dressed up as punks for the day (disclaimer: it was the 80s) and it was going to be great and hilarious and everyone would think we were cool and brilliant. Anyway, I rocked up next day wearing jeans and a black bin liner with a swimming costume underneath, hair all gelled up and whatever. Predictably perhaps, NO ONE ELSE HAD BOTHERED and were just wearing regular clothes. What followed was a pretty uncomfortable day. I took off the bin bag after a bit because it was very noisy and hot. I feel a bit sorry for little me there, tbh. Bless.

@AtomicBlondeRose definitely don't trust men to tell you about the dress code. In my case the f-up was FIL telling DH the dress code and then passing it to me. The information may also have passed through uncle in law before FIL!

I am the opposite although I do know what you mean 'I don't feel I have to conform/this is me, if you don't like it sod off' type of thing?

I love to dress up, so if I am ever somewhere where I realise I could have dressed up (or more so) than I am, it irritates me!

I feel quite comfortable being overdressed. I'd just style it out as 'an opportunity to get dressed up' even if nobody else is!

I dress up to go to my local pub even. I went to a BBQ recently in silky shorts, heels and a bralette. I just like clothes a lot!

I have always been a fairly standard size. So when I had to go to a funeral, I snatched a dress off the rail (I didn't really have anything black in my wardrobe), bought it and took it home, packed it and travelled to the funeral.

Got dressed on the morning of said funeral and the dress was about two sizes too small. I went to the funeral looking like a badly filled pillow case. To make it worse the dress was sort of satiny and shiny (which I hadn't noticed before either). I sweated through the entire proceedings, all big and black and glossy and everyone carefully averting their eyes and trying not to notice my boobs and thighs.

I was roughing it a bit round India with DH and not much luggage & was invited to DH’s friend from school’s birthday party. This friend (Indian but attended English public school where he met DH) was very very wealthy. I put on my cleanest scruffy cotton dress & sandals, and turned up at a party for the household names of India where I was the only woman in flat shoes let alone not carrying a designer handbag.

Oh god, how did that Mum cope. Also I read that as 'owner of the baby'.

It reminded me, when I was a baby, my Mum and Dad didn't have much money. They'd gone on a trip to Blackpool, and forgot the case with all of my clothes in and had to do a mad dash around shops once they realised, buying EVERYTHING. I am 42 now and it is still talked about, how stressful it was and how tight money was after having to replace every 'baby' thing they owned.

I was told I had to wear a 'Rangers' (I think?) top to a funeral last year. I didn't own one and certainly wasn't going to purchase one. I wore a blue top, that had to do. The deceased would've understood I am sure I cannot STAND football .

After our wedding we went to Madame Jojo's in Soho. They didn't bat an eye lid but no other women were in white dresses and none of the men were in tails.

That is so mean! Would be my worst nightmare!

We did a treasure hunt type thing around London with a company I worked for so dressed in trainers etc and then our lovely very wealthy boss surprised us with dinner at a very posh restaurant. It was full of footballers, Arabs and young women in flash but skimpy dress and us lot who had been running around all day so looked a sight.
Boss didn't give a shit and actually had an Asda carrier with him with some paperwork for the treasure hunt in - he asked to put it in the cloakroom for safe keeping and really went to town on management when they didn't want to let us into the rooftop cocktail bar after dinner. Once they found out how much he had already spent and was happy to do so again on cocktails they relented.

When my parents got married, it was spring and had been absolutely freezing up until then.

My Mum also still talks about this 42 years on.

She was heavily pregnant, and had her dress made, it was velvet with long flowy sleeves and a 'gown' type style. Apparently it was gorgeous.

On the day, of course it was roasting hot. She felt that she just couldn't cope in a big, heavy long sleeved gown and sent my Dad out to pick up a dress, any dress!

He did-and I have to say it was bloody awful. I have quite eccentric taste but although my Dad did well to find a 'cool' frock, it was gaudy blue purple and green, didn't suit her at all. My Mum in those days was very glam and fashion conscious too. I think she just got on with and made the best of it but I feel for her, having her wedding photos in that monstrosity.

what did they change into if jeans were the 'glad rags?'??

Oh gosh, all new stuff eek

I did feel sorry for the mum who was expecting a suitcase full of baby clothes and got nice evening wear for 50 year old. The MIL was equally worried for the mum and baby, although I imagine she was embarrassed at the dinner in t shirt and denim etc.

NB I always distribute the packing between suitcases. They must have had more than one ad the story doesn’t involve FIL not having a dinner suit

I agree with you, despite not being into "dressing up" I'm always comfortable in jeans and a top on a day off - as long as everything actually fits it's comfortable surely BUT lots of people seem to disagree.

Have you seen the threads on here where people claim that anyone who says they are comfortable wearing a proper bra and jeans is an evil lier, and that it is only possible to relax if wearing pyjamas or joggers without a bra?