Have you ever been seriously over or underdressed at an occasion? Or learned you were just before getting there?

[AnnListersBlister]

What did you do?

Mine happened a few years ago with a newish friend. He'd just split with his girlfriend and was upset that he had no date for a party he was going to-his Mum and stepfather's anniversary. He asked if I'd come and I said of course-love me a good party.

This friend was a bit of a scruff truth be told. Obviously it didn't bother me as I liked him a lot and I am not concerned about things like that but it is relevant because my mind must've thought 'friend and party=casual'. He lived in jeans and T shirts, his work clothes were a bit too large for him but he didn't care, his house was a bit of a tip, he liked his rocky music and rougher pubs-all in good fun, we got on well.

It was summer and I found myself in a strange town with him before the party where he was last minute buying them a present. I don't know what it was, but something brought a cold wave of reality over me when I realised that this wasn't going to be a casual event at all. I think from something friend said.

We went into a shop where he was choosing a photo frame and I made an excuse about needing some last minute make-up supplies and ran outside. I had about 10 minutes and the only shops I could see were a charity shop and a small, independent shoe shop. I ran into the charity shop and hurriedly rushed around like a madwoman but VERY luckily found myself a lovely black silky midi-dress.
Stuffed it in handbag.

Ran across to shoe shop. Very luckily for me spotted a pair of strappy heels in the sale and snapped them up.
Ran outside to friend looking around for me, apologised and told friend that I'd just realised that the heels I'd brought with me might be a bit too painful to wear all night so I decided to pop into a shop and buy some others.

He bought it.

It was a fab night.

Now I am writing this I am thinking the more wise of MNters are all going to say that I should have said 'Sorry friend, I am just realising that this might be a bit more of a formal affair than I thought, would you mind if I just go off and look at clothes for half an hour?'

But yes, that's not me. --Plus I think if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd have made sure my friend knew what sort of party it was!

I don't know how no one has asked this yet....

Why were you wearing a bunny costume?!

I was at an event where someone turned up in black tie when it was only smart casual!

It never occurred to me that people might dress up for their graduation ceremony. Cue me turning up in frayed flared jeans and a Korn t-shirt. Luckily it was only after the event that I realised everyone else had been in very formal attire so I didn't feel silly until afterwards!

At uni, my friend and I got dressed up for a "hookers" party, but instead of meeting for pre-drinks at the pub everyone else from our college was going to, we went off piste to a different pub, where people thought we actually were hookers.

My dh is one of those people who doesn't like to book restaurants or plan where we're eating etc. We went for a walk one evening when kids were away, so I wore leggings and trainers. Then he announced we were going for dinner. They didn't have a dress code or anything, but all the other women there were dressed up and I looked a fucking idiot. Why I went along with it I don't know tbh except that he was excited to go for dinner and I was hungry 😂

I've got a lot more assertive since then.

I turned up to a Xmas uni ball in a full on green raw silk long dress. It was at my friend's hall and my parents paid for the dress rental as a Xmas present. I looked nice in it but everyone else was in lbd type things.

Also I spent the night with a boy I met and now for the life of me I can't remember how I got home in the morning! Did I walk across the city in this massive green ball gown??

DH and I went to visit his family abroad many years ago. We went on a beach holiday for the first part of the trip so all I took was shorts/shirts/cossies etc. We had arranged to finish the trip in the city and had been invited to a New Year party with the in laws. Fil assured us that the party was smart casual so I packed a summer dress. On arrival to the city it turned out that it was actually black tie! DH was fine because he borrowed his cousin's suit. I was stuck because I was a size 14 and although my host (DH aunt) was willing to share her wardrobe, she was a size 6-8 and all the clothes were saris (I'm white). In the end, my lovely MIL wore one of the bigger saris and I squeezed into MILs size 12 dress. It was almost indecently short but much more glitzy than what I packed!

Very small wedding about 15 years ago. Just bride & groom, 4 family members and me (f) as friend of bride and one more (m) as friend of groom. I knew they were all informal people but to me a wedding was still a wedding. I didn't buy new but had what I thought of as 'medium-level' nice wedding guest dress (think Phase Eight / Whistles), suitable for small ceremony & nice post-wedding meal. The male friend of groom had a nice suit. I brought a fascinator but was prepared to ditch it if over the top.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it but bride's dress was just a summer frock from New Look and groom forgot a shirt so got a white one from Primark in the morning that looked like a school boy shirt. Groom's mum wore jeans and nice colourful shirt.

The funniest bit was immediately after the ceremony groom's mum was like 'right everybody back home, I need to get out of these glad rags into something more comfortable for the meal!' and was deadly serious. The groom's friend & me were the only ones who could possibly be accused of looking smart but they were definitely talking about themselves.

We're still all best friends years on, the male friend of groom and I still sometimes reminisce on getting it so wrong. I thank god I decided to leave the fascinator in my room.

It was honestly my favourite wedding ever- they were so unprepared for it (they had v busy lives and just wanted it done) but it was perfect.

The most recent occasion was when DH and I went to the annual presentation evening of our sports club for the first time. The venue wasn't a fancy one and the meal was a buffet, so we assumed casual dress. We arrived to find nearly everyone else suited and glittered up to the eyeballs. And I'd won a couple of minor awards and had to step forward to receive then wearing jeans, t-shirt and trainers.

@Needanewname42
Your definition was correct:

'Smart casual attire is a dress code that combines well-fitting, polished business wear with elements of casual attire—eg blouses, polo shirts, button-downs, chinos, dress pants, dark-wash jeans, and polished, practical footwear'.

Definitely not cocktail dresses!

This reminds me of a friend taking her daughter to a party. The daughter had been a bridesmaid a few months before so wore her bride's maid dress (I think she was about 11).

When they got to the party the other girls were all in fashionable clothes and my friend thought "Oh she will want to go home to change" until one of the other girls gasped, "look at X, she looks like a princess". My friend's daughter was suddenly the centre of attention and loved it.

I attended a ball when I lived in Oxford, a couple who were planning on one staying sober and driving decided to get a hotel room instead. In the morning they only had their formal clothes to get dressed in to.

They went to the supermarket on the way home, I don't think it was even Waitrose.

My work celebrated a major anniversary by having a summer party on a boat. The dress code was 'summer party wear' which proved the biggest conundrum since the offside rule and sparked endless group chats.

I was having a 'hot summer' and turned up in a floor length gauzy maxi dress, I felt a million dollars but I was way overdressed 😂

No regrets. The bosses wife kept giving me the side eye but fuck her.

I remember a dinner at a hotel when we were with a large group of people for a reunion.

I'd bought a new brightly coloured long-sleeved blouse to wear with black trousers but obviously didn't get the dress code memo as all the other women were in glittery sequinned black. I tried to hide at the back for the group photo.
That blouse went to the charity shop when I got home (it was hell to iron anyway).

I went to see a friend being made the mayor of their town. Had asked them about dress code and he had said it's a hat do. So three of us turned up in hats, posh frocks etc looking like we had come from ladies day at the races. Most of the other people in attendance were dressed more for going out for a meal. I felt really overdressed but my pal was happy!

A colleague and I were invited to my new boss’s “family barbecue”. He said it was very casual. We turned up in jeans. He was in a suit and tie and his wife was in a tea dress. The kids were also smartly dressed. He proceeded to cook the food in his suit, and gave us a lecture afterwards about the importance of getting the dress code right. His suit was “casual” because of the fabric, and his shirt was patterned and his tie was knitted silk. He was the biggest bully I ever worked for, and when I see his death announcement, I’m cracking open a bottle of good Champagne.

A wedding in France ( my cousin married a French women) I imagined it would be full of glamorous French women dressed up to the nines so I went in a full "Hello magazine worthy" wedding outfit that I'd put together with the help of a personal shopper. I've never seen so little effort made by wedding guests. Not sure if that's a French thing or just the particular family my cousin married into.

An early 2000s wedding in a New York commuter suburb. I should have realised when I went to the hotel hairdresser and she wanted to blow dry my hair to four times its normal volume and height. She was very disappointed when I just wanted a normal blow dry and straightening. At the wedding I felt very drab in my linen suit and even though I'd changed into a little black cocktail dress for the evening do I was surrounded by people in long sequinned evening dresses.

That sounds exactly right for a summer party on a boat to me

That wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in Oxford after a May Ball. Cafés full of people in ball gowns the next day !

I’m often ‘over dressed ‘ now. I have a wardrobe full of silk shirts and velvet jackets, some with embroidery and ☺️ Beads. I don’t go out much now ( too old, don’t like noisy venues) so I just wear them to the supermarket or even B&Q.

It’s surprising how often people tell me how nice the clothes are (maybe we all have a bit of the jackdaw in us).

I’m thinking of getting some light up trainers…..

Years ago at college I had a boyfriend with a rather nice little sports car. We had a few trips out in it. Then he invited me to a party being held by friends of his and I got all dressed up, hair and makeup done and a nice dress plus heels (in those days I wore heels to go out!). He said he'd call for me.

When he knocked the door, he handed me a crash helmet and said he was sorry, the car had broken down so he'd come on his motorbike. By the time we got to the party I looked bedraggled, as if I'd been pulled through a hedge backwards.

Americans get confused by “fancy dress” because what we call “fancy dress” they (much more literally) call “a costume party”. They do indeed think do black tie as “fancy”, whereas we might be more likely to say “posh” or “dressed-up”. Were Americans involved in your scenario?

Wow. That took a turn.

What I’m taking from this thread is NEVER TRUST A MAN TO CORRECTLY TELL YOU THE DRESS CODE!

So many of these have been because men haven’t described the occasion correctly.

Maybe it went with her DP's OTT Christmas jumper?

You're right, @AtomicBlondeRose - my husband, on his way home, saw a friend on her way to the party we were about to leave for. I asked him what she was wearing, he said "a long floral dress".
She was wearing one of those Indian wrap around batik skirts and a T-shirt.

When we first started going out to clubs we would go out at the weekend as school all week and wear typical lycra/ sparkly outfits, lots of make up and elaborate hair etc

We then spotted a leaflet for student night at the same venue and for some reason decided to go out on Monday. I can still remember checking our coats and walking in to a sea of baggy jeans and Adidas gazelles. It felt like some comedy fish out of water scene from a bad sex and the city sequel. I don't remember leaving so I assume we stayed and had fun.

On our very first night out ever our dress code takeaway had been no black opaque tights and we had immediately all bought those shiny nude ones and were all mortified about the back tights!