Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

her birthday happens to be on Christmas, so she prefers to celebrate with her close family including my husband.

Why did you say you have called to say you won’t be going, when you weren’t invited in the first place?

So what, your husband spends Christmas Day with his mum, not you? Are you not invited to spend Christmas with them?

She doesn't expect me to go there but I never got along with her so I choose not to. I either host Christmas for my children and DILs or spend it with my children at my parents'.

I was admittedly a little insistent when they first told me. I called to make up an excuse as to why I wasn't going anymore so they don't feel bad.

Not rude if it is an adult party. There is nothing unusual, and plenty that is healthy, to want to social within your own age group. Now, if this were a children's party, I would certainly think that parents and grandparents might be invited, depending on the size/budget.

I see what you mean, however, it's a murder mystery night type of things, not witches and skeletons

Why make an excuse? They won’t feel bad, it is you that wanted to come

Why not admit you were out of order being a “little insistent” and be the grown up?

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and are you now trying to tell us that your mil doesn't want you at Christmas, and never has, and your husband allows this / goes along with it ?

and as a result you like to force your company upon your children ( young adults ! )

you need to do two things,

1. consider if you wish to continue your marriage

1. speak to your GP and ask how to get referred to/for therapy as you do need to let go of these apron strings, and goodness knows how you are going to cope when your other son gets married !

So going back to my original point, you think we’d all “go ballistic” to hear your DIL and son didn’t want you around at Christmas, yet you choose not to see your own MIL at Christmas because you don’t get along with her?

I see SO much irony in that you don’t like your MIL and don’t want to be around her, yet you’re upset your DIL doesn’t invite you to a party. Maybe she feels the same way about you, that you feel about your MIL?

I didn't think that was relevant. I posted on here a couple of years ago about my husband spending three days a week at his mum and was called a horrible person for not letting him look after his elderly mother.

my MIL treated me like crap. My own DIL and I have had lovely time together. I'm not a typical mother in law.

“I’m not a typical mother in law.”

I agree. Most other mother in laws wouldn’t do what you’ve done to your son and his wife over this party.

Give over

I think you need to “give over.”

Have you not read the countless other posts from other people saying how unreasonable your behaviour has been?

You just don’t want to hear it. You clearly don’t understand.

The PP was right.

You seem completely lacking in self awareness and boundaries.

I was admittedly a little insistent when they first told me. I called to make up an excuse as to why I wasn't going anymore so they don't feel bad.

It would have been much better in that case to not make up an excuse and instead take ownership.

"I realised on reflection that I overstepped by expecting an invitation, I hope you can trust me that I won't do it again - it's important to me that you enjoy your time with friends and your cousins, I love how close you all are and completely understand that you won't always want your parents at parties. Sorry again, love you lots x"

God that would go a bloody long way to actually improving things rather than the ongoing guilt tripping you've gone for instead 😬

I'll keep that in mind

You mean she doesn't like you around either?

You can keep it in mind but it's also not too late to just send it (or similar) to them! Frankly they'll be scratching their heads that you called with an excuse to not attend a party you weren't invited to and told them there was 'no bad blood' for something they haven't done wrong!

Trust me, they won't be feeling bad, OP.
They'll be relieved.

I'm beginning to understand why the husband merrily goes away to look after his mum.

Can you link it?

done

That’s a step in the right direction! Good on you, OP