Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

I hope you have a lovely time @itsahalloweenone

Why would the parent/s force themselves on a party they have specifically not been invited to, nor are the same age group ! I’ve also just turned 50, enjoy parties etc , but am incredulous that these parents would feel it is OK to consider attending regardless …. I almost feel like the post is a joke !!

Bizarre thread

I wonder if the unfortunate DIL is on MN and has read this thread.

Maybe that's why the OP has phoned her.
🤣

I wanted them to know that the love was still there and there was no bad blood

Oh come on!

Why would there be "bad blood" & on whose part?

I mean really "You cannot be serious!"

She needs a monument tbh.
DIL is a saint to put up with this amount of crazy from the family.

I'd fly off long ago or organizea Halloween party telling everyone to dress up like a MIL from hell 🙃

But I qm generally not the most nice person lol

Christ this just gets worse.

What exactly have you said to them before now about the party? Did you insist on an invite? Tell them you’re coming anyway? I’m really curious to know how you have actually communicated with them the last couple of days whilst this has been an issue.

The fact you’ve had to call them today and say there is “no bad blood” and that “the love is still there” tells me that you’ve been INCREDIBLY difficult about this. Because otherwise why would they think the love isn’t there? It sounds like you’ve been awful with them over this. Guilt tripping, emotional blackmail, the lot.

Is it any wonder they don’t want you there when this is how you behave?

' I wanted them to know that the love was still there and there was no bad blood '

WOW emotional and manipulative blackmail !!!

YOU WERE NOT INVITED

which bit of that do you not understand ?

to give them peace of mind - oh dear that means you have made a fuss

are you trying to split up your son and daughter in law ?

as clearly you regard him as a mummy's boy not an adult and not an adult whom is married to someone else !

you really do need to let loose of these apron strings...

you carry on with your behaviour and any dreams you have of a family Christmas surrounded by grandchildren can disappear into the distance...

This cannot be real. The amount of emotional blackmail from OP is staggering.

"No bad blood" 🤣

🤣🤣

OP, the only way I can make sense of you not actually being completely barmy is that this is a Christmas party and you've just changed the details to anonymise it. It would also make sense about your DH spending the day with his mother and taking some of the load of 'the wife' fixing all the food. In that case I could see why you would be hurt (but sadly fact remains that you are still not invited). Otherwise, yes sorry, it's completely barmy. I'm glad you've seen sense (although the phone call really is the cherry on the cake!)

It's worrying, isn't it! 😟

But you were never invited so why would you call to tell them you weren’t coming! Seems very strange!

They don't live in the UK

Good God. I think therapy and work to understand boundaries would do you a world of good. Please do it before grandkids come and you end up being the subject of a thread here about going no contact with a batshit MIL.

You what?

Ah.
So presumably they've also phoned, to clarify that they won't be at the Halloween party, either.

I'm 62 next month and I'm still 'cool'😀But I wouldn't want to be at a party of twenty somethings necessarily, it depends on what kind of relationship they have with their kids.

I showed this thread to my 24 year old daughter. She thinks the whole thing is bonkers.

If this was Christmas, people would go ballistic. Very few people seem to understand that just because one particular event doesn't mean much to them, then it shouldn't mean anything to anyone else.

Lots of people have Christmas parties with their friends / people their own age.

Not everyone is invited to everything and that’s fine!

Christmas dinner, maybe. A Christmas party, so far more the equivalent of this? Nope, it would be exactly the same.

This.

Honestly @itsahalloweenone . I have dc in their 20s. They all live locally and we see them fairly often, and sometimes we all get together as family. However I am also aware that they go out without me as well, and that they spend time at each others' houses without me being included. Sometimes they also get together with similar aged cousins and do something together WITHOUT me, dh, or my DB or DSIL.
This is because they are of a different generation from us.
Yes, sometimes there are whole family gatherings (which are great) but sometimes there are one generation gatherings (which is also great). Plus, as normal, sociable young people, each of them also have friends from different walks of life, who they see WITHOUT their Mum being present.

You really need to adjust your expectations / thinking, and think about either enjoying the peace and quiet when your dh isn't there, or being proactive inviting friends to things, or becoming confident in going to something on your own, or start joining things so you have company more days a week. So many options, but please leave your dc alone.

But is not Christmas OP. Is a get together, organised by your son and his wife to spend with their friends and family of similar age.

You do not have to be in every event! And why would you want to be anyway?

What exactly did they say to your call to inform them you wouldn't attend the party to which you were not invited?

I think we're all getting a feel for why you're not invited OP. I know some cool older parents, there's folks in their 70s I'd invite to a party... it's not your age that's stopping them inviting you is it. It is absolutely your behaviour.