Taking my son out of the football team...because I hate talking him to matches?

[curtainsareon]

This is what my sister has just text me saying....
Her son loves football and is goalkeeper in a local team (he is 12)
Anyway she said over the summer holidays she's enjoyed not taking him to training and the football matches ...so has removed him from the team.

I'm honestly flabbergasted
Don't you think this is selfish ?
The one thing he enjoys
I haven't said anything because it would cause trouble
I just had to vent somewhere

Why have children if you can’t be bothered to facilitate the things they’re interested in. Very poor parenting.

Yes if that's really her sole reasoning it's awful. I get it, I hate it myself, but it's not fair on him. And goalkeepers aren't easy to get either!

Poor boy and I feel sorry for him.

She only has to wait in the car for him as well.
I just feel a bit bad now,I would of taken him if she had asked

That's really sad. I hated lots of the ferrying about but it was so important for my Dc to have those experiences. I have no doubt that it has helped' shape them' as adults, make good friends as well as securing amazing career pathways for them.

Any chance she's hoping for an offer of help?

Yes, that’s really rubbish parenting. Poor kid.

Every Sunday morning, especially the cold, windy, damp ones, the huddle of parents would joke about how we would rather be anywhere else but the edge of a cold, muddy field.

But... the kids were having fun. So we accepted our fate.

Does she have to stay for all the training sessions, or just drop him off? Watching training is tedious and we’ve never been expected to stay for that, we usually form carpools with other parents to share drop offs and pickups.

I’m surprised that she hates the matches though, they’re fun. We enjoy cheering from the sidelines (the parents on DS’s team all go a bit nuts😂).

My parents won’t do the driving and that prevented me from being on a team…my Dad has said in recent years that it was selfish.

Poor boy. You could still offer, I'm sure the team would love to have him back. As another poster said, good goal keepers can be hard to come by

Well, I'm not going to pretend that I don't hope my son isn't sporty for this reason.

I think the issue lies in the diehard nature of most sports clubs that makes them hard to balance with other family activities. Clubs that ask for two practice sessions a week plus club fixtures, with side eye for non attendance take it too far IMO.

I'd support it, mind you, but It's not the worst parenting to admit that a heavy schedule doesn't work for everyone.

I feel sorry for the lad. Team sports offer so much more than the game. The participants learn teamwork, self-discipline, about nutrition and fitness. A sense of camaraderie and the ability to communicate with teammates and adults. Honestly it’s so much better than hanging around bored.
Most football parents (other sports are available) find a lot of the ferrying and standing around onerous but overall they do get something out of it and ultimately do it for their kids.

I hope her son says to her, when she's old and frail, that he can't be bothered to come round and look after her, it's boring

Let him play football on the local green, football fields etc It's your sisters choice, i presume there is no man on the scene either.

There may be far more to it than she has wanted to tell you.

Ds would have liked to be in a football team. He asked when he was about 9 or 10, and hadn't asked before.
There were three main reasons why I never seriously looked into it.

1. Any teams at that age round here, wanted at least 2 practices during the week and to be available both Saturday and Sunday mornings. He and his sisters did different activities which weren't compatible with doing this and he'd have to drop all other ones and they'd have had to drop something as well. That didn't seem either fair on his sisters, or a good idea for him.
2. He got terribly emotional over football. I always thought it was learnt behaviour with children and football until I had him. No one in our families is keen, but the first (Paralympic) match he saw he immediately picked a team at each match (neither team was a country he'd have heard of) and we had tears, tantrums, devastation... no one else round him was doing that. I didn't think joining a team was going to do anything for his mental health. He was like that with anything football related. He does other sport and was never like that for any of them.
3. He had been quite seriously ill the previous year (missed most of a term of school) and was easily tired and got muscle pain a lot. Football didn't seem to be a good idea physically either.

But I think I joked with other parents about not wanting to stand on a freezing cold field to watch.
He has occasionally asked me now he's older why I didn't find a team for him, mostly in a jokey kind of way along the lines of "I could have been a famous footballer by now". I've told him the above. He's not scarred by it; he enjoys a kick round with his friends at the park and still enjoys his other activities which he would have had to give up too.

Depends. Is she a single parent? Can he walk to training sessions himself?

Does she have other children?

Maybe she didn’t expect it to take up as much time as it does, maybe she feels as if any other children she may have are missing out etc.

I don’t think it’s selfish to not want weekends to revolve around one childs hobby.

Is there a partner/dad involved?

If he's 12 and it's local can he not get himself there? Perhaps you could still offer for away games or picking him up?

Would be a shame, we really need to do what we can as parents to encourage activities like this imo.

She needs someone to say something to her ... that's a horrible thing to do to your own child . She should be glad he enjoys being active and mixing with other kids . She sounds awful

I think it is wrong. I would by that age explore the possibility of the journey being on a bus or train, at least one way, if it is onerous.

@curtainsareon

Shes being incredibly unreasonable. She should have organised some carpooling if taking him is an issue.

selfish.

she had better hope he doesn't take up competitive dwimming (my niece & nephew both play water polo, obviously training is at different days/tomes 🙄🙄) they're never away from the pool & competitions galore. Nephew has just been overseas for his under 15 team & niece is about to go. Their Ekdest plays netball & hockey & needs lifts to/from her part time job where she's working to help pay for uni next year.

it's just what you do when you have kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

I expect the coach would help to organise lifts rather than lose his goalie if she gave him the chance.

i had lots of hobbies as a child & my Dad drove me to all of them. The one they couldn't get me to was ballet. (I'd started with a friend & went with her & her mum one weekday night. My Dad took her with us to gymnastics in return) but she gave up ballet. I wanted to get the bus but my Mum thought I was too young. It's one of my Mums regrets. She wished she'd let me (she & Dad were at work & no flexi in those days!)

Are you going to talk to her and maybe suggest a few options? Probably best not to mention she's a selfish cow though!

Totally selfish.

You haven't given any context at all.

How many days a week? How many other kids? Is there another parent? Does she have a job?

On the face of it it's selfish but you don't know if there's other stuff going on.

Have you offered to take him? Here's your chance to get Good Aunt points.

Where we are football matches can be 20-30 miles away in different directions, involving a car journey and then usually no parking! We also had the issue of driving that distance and maybe getting ten minutes of play, depending on how many subs came. I guess a goalkeeper might get more play. Then of course, there's the other overinvested and sometimes abusive parents.
Selfish is ok sometimes, you have to protect your own mental health. It's a shame she couldn't ask the lad's father or her parents or indeed her sister to pitch in sometimes, not having to do it every time might have been enough to make it all more bearable.

That's fucking awful