Taking my son out of the football team...because I hate talking him to matches?

[curtainsareon]

This is what my sister has just text me saying....
Her son loves football and is goalkeeper in a local team (he is 12)
Anyway she said over the summer holidays she's enjoyed not taking him to training and the football matches ...so has removed him from the team.

I'm honestly flabbergasted
Don't you think this is selfish ?
The one thing he enjoys
I haven't said anything because it would cause trouble
I just had to vent somewhere

That’s a bit extreme.

That’s really shit, for a lot of reasons. I feel really sorry for him.

I feel sorry for the 9 yo, who has to be up and out on Saturdays to be at matches by 9.00 and gets to spend his Saturday mornings in the car or hanging around on the touchline. He is the one person who has had no say in any of this.

I wonder if the younger children in these families understand that they have voices and choices too, or whether they've grown up with it always being about their older siblings, so they just think that's how things are?

I agree. And football is particularly burdensome. I was really happy when my son switched to athletics. Not as many events, and only a few minutes compared with 45-90 minute matches depending on age.

Yes it's very selfish.

My ds played football... honestly yes the away games were a total pain! Often twenty odd miles away and your whole Sunday would be gone...but teen boys often don't have loads of hobbies and interests beyond screens so you suck it up and take them.

Even if it's at the expense of a younger sibling who has to tag along every week and misses out on a chunk of their own weekend?

Can his dad take him?

I would generally leave my youngest child at home with dh. If that's not possible, what I'd suggest is find somewhere near the away game where you can take them. So drop off eldest at match then find a local playground, park, cafe etc...

I have to admit, sometimes when I'm awake at night I think about all of the leading roles on the West End I'd have definitely got if I'd carried on going 🙈

I’d do exactly the same and that’s the reason I won’t have kids, because it’s not fair on them. It’s really selfish.

How would it be a hassle if you've offered to take him?

He is 12, old enough to be in charge and wash his own kit or old enough to be taught tbh. He can get himself up and make breakfast, doesn't make sense.

Is it the money for the hobby? Perhaps she's covering for the fact she can't afford it anymore?

Such a shame.

Ds aged about 4 or 5 declared that his life was just "school and taking silly sisters to silly things".

We didn't stay for things but it was the 10-20 minute journey 1-2 every evening, that he hated. A year older and he was old enough to stay with his biggest sister if it was dd2's thing, and he started doing things, so he minded less, but still hated going out for no benefit for him.

Much as I hate all that football culture, if DC is on a team and enjoys it she has to facilitate that

But even if you don't stay, it still means the younger sibling is stuck hanging around waiting for their brother/sister for half the day. And if a hobby takes up both mornings, that's half their weekend gone.

I'm not a parent but when I was growing up, my parents would never have let me sign up to an activity that took over family life to that extent. I did activities after school but weekends were "downtime" - and it was the same with all my friends.

It seems like nowadays, kids have to have all their hobbies/wishes fulfilled regardless of the impact it has on the parents or the family as a whole.

This is the reason l haven't got my dd to join a team - but she can't miss what she has never had - your sister should have thought about it before letting him join - quite cruel

How would it be a hassle if you've offered to take him?

Maybe she doesn't want her weekends taken over by football anymore? Even if someone else facilitates it, it still means you can't ever do (eg) a day trip on a Saturday.

I think one problem nowadays is that so many kids end up sitting on screens. They generally don't tend to play out or have the same freedoms as children decades ago had. Therefore facilitating their hobbies becomes more important.

Has he grown out of that attitude?

That's something for her to have thought about before signing him up.
Allowing him to join, watching him fall in love with it and then taking it away because you've decided you don't like it anymore is just cruel tbh.

I could understand not being able to afford it but otherwise it is mean and she shouldn't be surprised if there are repercussions to this.

That could be part of it, but I'm not really convinced it's the only reason.

My theory is that with little children, it's often easier to sign them up to activities at weekends because it gives them some kind of structure, gets them out of the house and helps to tire them out with relatively little input from you.

But then as they grow up and join teams, the parental input increases, the time they spend training increases and before you know it, you're spending 5+ hours a week driving around to watch them play. Add multiple children into the mix and I totally understand why parents of teenagers aren't particularly enthusiastic anymore!

I don't think that means the child needs to give up completely, but maybe there needs to be some compromising, especially when other siblings are involved.

Your sister sounds very mean but as he's 12, could he make his own way? Given he's the goalie, the team will likely struggle without him, so if he can make his own way in part, no doubt the coach or other parents would step forward to take him to away matches.

That is awful. I hated running around taking my dcs to various activities but looking back, those activities enriched their lives and gave them great memories.
I hope the Op's dsis isn't expecting her son to be running around after when she is older and vulnerable.

I don't think most people think about how they'll feel about driving to matches in six years time when they sign their reception-aged child up for Saturday football, though, do they?

I agree it's unkind to just stop because it's "easier" but I don't think it's necessarily as straightforward as saying "she's awful, she's selfish" like so many on here.

I can't help but be jealous of other generations when it comes to this. When my DDad played football literally all his mother had to do was provide clean kit. No ferrying around, no giving up every Saturday. It's too much to ask of most families.

I'm not sure anyone considers the future and grassroots teams, national training and elite sport etc when they sign their child up to any sport.

I certainly never imagined my ds would be an elite swimmer training 5am nearly everyday when I signed him up to learn to swim lessons 😂

The reality is many children don't go into such heavy training loads.

But I honestly don't think football matches one weekend day a week for a season is too much of an ask. It's also not a summons if you have plans like a wedding, holiday etc. you can also ask to lift share.

poor kid- she shoulnt have let him start playing in first place if she wasnt willing to take him to matches

why do people do this shes even been offered help