Taking my son out of the football team...because I hate talking him to matches?

[curtainsareon]

This is what my sister has just text me saying....
Her son loves football and is goalkeeper in a local team (he is 12)
Anyway she said over the summer holidays she's enjoyed not taking him to training and the football matches ...so has removed him from the team.

I'm honestly flabbergasted
Don't you think this is selfish ?
The one thing he enjoys
I haven't said anything because it would cause trouble
I just had to vent somewhere

@sunsetsandboardwalks what's the point in any thread ? To ask people's opinions
You don't need to reply

Well it won't of been a benefit for their physical health

I refused to let my DC start for this reason. Fucking hate football. Add to that cold muddy fields and rain multiple times a week. No bloody thank you.

They go to kickboxing instead and enjoy it and I don't have to sit outdoors in all weathers.

Yeah thats not good, I fucking loathe the school run, still take my kid to school, also waiting at all her sports, still do it. Get a cup of tea and a podcast or a book and turn it into downtime for yourself. Also tbh if she doesn’t do additional sport she’s a pain in the arse, has a lot of energy to burn off.

We all hate it. We still do it though because kids deserve their own lives.

But your update reads like it posted to make your sister look as unreasonable and selfish as possible - it just seems like this thread was a way to get people to say how awful she is.

But you clearly think that anyway so I guess you'd better hope she's not on here 🤷‍♀️

Will his dad take him?
Or another parent in the team? My dad used to always have a car full of boys for my brother's team because lots of parents are like this! They get bored of making an effort. Sometimes my mum and dad would both take their cars so we could pick more up if I didn't have a netball match at the same time (if we did my mum was often picking up members of my team 🤦‍♂️)

I'm from a really poor working class background and there were things we couldn't afford to do like music lessons etc, but my mum and dad always put in the effort to supoort us and ferry us around , I did netball, brownies/guides and a GAT scheme outside of school and once I was at secondary I did as many extra curricular as I could, drama, choir, hockey, netball, badminton team. My brother was really sporty and played for lots of school teams and rugby, football and athletics at county level.

When I was younger I used to go to a prestigious stage school on a Saturday. I used to love it, but after a while I had to stop going because we couldn't afford the lessons anymore.

My mum told me recently that when she cancelled the owners actually offered for me to carry on for free, but she still said no because really she just didn't want to take me anymore.

Parents spending their lives lugging children about has seriously been one of the worst cultural developments of the post-war period.

It’s made childrearing incredibly time consuming and exhausting, and has been a major factor behind cities becoming dominated by cars - which in turn has made it harder and harder for kids to hang out outside unsupervised or go anywhere independently, creating a vicious circle.

If the sport element resulted in kids or adults actually being physically fitter it might be worth it, but brief sporadic bursts of exercise by a few kids has to be balanced against everyone across society as a while spending more and more time cars while walking and biking have been sidelined.

TELL HER (even better, him!)

my oh parents were utterly shit and disinterested in supporting him in anything at all.

and this is a ‘posh’ family, posh school etc etc. other parents would invite him to go with them to things, take him swimming (cos his parents never would)

tell your sister that it’s not right that he should miss out and that you’ll take him if she won’t

be the parent to your nephew that your sister CBA to be.

If that was the reason, it certainly worked.

I agree. Very poor parenting on the part of OP's BIL.... oh wait..

Forgive me, for this as touched a nerve with me as a grassroots football coach.

She sounds incredibly selfish and a terrible parent. There are so many ways around this situation but she wants benefits for herself without doing any work and doesn't care what this does to her son. What knock will his confidence take?

I'd love to have my Saturday mornings back. My child's team experience is precious though so I put up with it. And I extend the generosity to the other team members. Parents like these 😵‍💫😢

He won't forgive her for that. It can be a PITA but why couldn't she pool with other parents to reduce the load?

I absolutely hate being football mum, I detest it, but my DH is busy with another team so I have to suck it up. And I do that for my child, because that's what you do as a parent!

What an awful and selfish person your sister is. And you should tell her, too.

@BabyDoge

"My mum told me recently that when she cancelled the owners actually offered for me to carry on for free, but she still said no because really she just didn't want to take me anymore."

That's awful and I don't think I could get over always thinking "what might have been ".

I used to feel like this but DD started playing football with a girls team and still plays now at 16! I still don’t like football but I absolutely love watching her play because she’s so obviously enjoying it and is so good at it! I watch her in awe every week and wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m the least likely person to have been converted just goes to show you never know …

Great summary- if you want your life to be about you rather than giving up your time, effort and money out of love for your children then simply don't have children.

It is a big commitment. Plus matches can sometimes be quite far away. We do it because that is our son's passion and as a couple we share the load. If it is all on one person and the child has other hobbies then I get why it might have been dropped.

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira

Your parents sound amazing and really supportive of your brother and your activities when younger.

I bet you are both super proud of them.

I find it very interesting that not wanting to endlessly facilitate your child's' hobby is automatically seen as selfish and a sign that you're somehow an awful parent.

Maybe the answer is not to sign your child up in the first place, but I remember growing up in the nineties and there's just no way my parents would have signed me up for any kind of hobby or activity that took over a good chunk of the weekend - it just wouldn't have been an option in the first place.

I remember wanting to ride as my friend had horses - but it just wasn't even up for debate because of the location and how much time it would take up every single week.

I wonder if parents these days feel more pressured into signing up for sports and activities but don't quite realise the level of commitment that's required.

Can he go by public transport or get another team parent to help?

Your sister is a selfish brat who doesn’t deserve children.

Do you know her, or are you basing this on one thing the OP has said?