Taking my son out of the football team...because I hate talking him to matches?

[curtainsareon]

This is what my sister has just text me saying....
Her son loves football and is goalkeeper in a local team (he is 12)
Anyway she said over the summer holidays she's enjoyed not taking him to training and the football matches ...so has removed him from the team.

I'm honestly flabbergasted
Don't you think this is selfish ?
The one thing he enjoys
I haven't said anything because it would cause trouble
I just had to vent somewhere

Sounds a bit like my mother, always remember my mother saying i am not driving you around to do anything. Am now in my 40's and still remember it. We lived in a small community and all my classmates went to the outside school time etc and was left out of many activities etc. it hurt. I think you should push your sis to allow you to bring him. As people say in a year or so he probably can make his way. Sport and other hobbies i think are so important for todays children, it builds on so much skills, creates friendships and more importantly gets them off screens

Was the 9yo being dragged along too? It can be hard to balance multiple kids' needs.

It’s terrible. That’s a whole other level of selfish and terrible patenting

poor kid- she shoulnt have let him start playing in first place if she wasnt willing to take him to matches

Everyone seems to be saying this, but I don't think anyone thinks about how much driving there might be in six years time when they sign their kids up for activities in primary school

Life changes and circumstances change and sometimes it's not always possible to facilitate a hobby forever, especially if there are younger siblings involved who are missing out as a result.

Exactly.

Thing is, when younger sibling is 12, older sibling will be able to look after themselves, so younger sibling often gets to do what older sibling could not. Think about it from that perspective.

Well, yes, I can see it that way as an adult, but a young child who's spent years being dragged to various fixtures every weekend isn't going to care about that, lol.

I think it can be hard to balance the needs of multiple children, and it's not necessarily an awful, selfish parenting decision to say "something has to give".

I'm not saying OP's sister isn't selfish (she could be, who knows) just that stopping a child from continuing with a hobby indefinitely isn't necessarily a selfish decision.

I don't even get the stuff about visiting elderly parents. Many people don't live near their elderly parents, I can't imagine why spending a lot of time on your child's hobby as a teen would prevent this.

Why is that relevant to anything?

Just to offer another perspective. DH and I (though mostly DH) are sort of ‘adoptive’ grandparents for a Ukrainian family that lived with us but now have their own place. 13 year old boy is a keen footballer, and we do all the football related stuff. He has training Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings (6-8pm) and matches (home and away) every Saturday and Sunday morning, plus sometimes he’s asked to also play on Saturday afternoons. He lives for football so he loves it.

His sister has an equally packed dance/gymnastics schedule so their Mum takes her to those. She couldn’t do both which is why we help out but being honest, we hate it. We’re knackered and we’ve literally had to sacrifice all our weekends and free time in the week for one child’s hobby. The club take it so seriously, you’d think they were Premier league rather than a local kid’s team.

Yes, but younger kids very often wind up stuck on the iPad while their older sibling plays.

You could remind her that in a couple of years time there's an awful lot of trouble a lad with no hobbies can get up to. That will cause her an awful lot more stress than a weekly football match. Honestly, at this age, I'd keep it going at all costs.

Going to football or a hobby every week doesn't stop kids getting in trouble

Single parent of four always worked full time.I-took my son to practice and matches from aged 4 to 17! I also had a season ticket with him for 2 years. I don’t have an interest in football but the discipline and social connections were important, he enjoyed it and the away matches travelling gave us time to connect. As soon as he could drive and got a car he took himself and still plays at uni.
Football is also a great leveller, parents turned up in top of the range cars but you have to practice and be reliable to achieve money cannot buy talent. Finally as a single mum it gave him the opportunity to see what “engaged “ fathers look like and with men it always gives them a mutual topic of conversation.

It does

Yes, that is infuriating OP. In a few years time she would be the first to complain if he spends too much time in his room, or that he's getting fat, or mixing with the wrong crowd.

Admittedly, football isn't always the most exciting thing to watch. Can't she bring a personal stereo or a book?

Oh dear. It is a sacrifice, sometimes a pain, having had ds1 play football, then ds2. But it is what it is.

At our DCs’ school, lots of families have country homes. To get good value for money, they use them as many weekends as they can. They’ve all banned their children from taking up any hobby that needs Friday afternoon or weekend attendance (and the younger kids don’t get to go to birthday parties either).

Horses for courses. Their kids and my kids will all end up being just fine (all being well!). It’s difficult to replicate team sports weekdays only (orchestra?), but there’s more to life than team sports 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HelpMeGetThrough We’re more the excitable, cheering on the team crowd, we don’t comment on the refs’ decisions.

I’ve heard the odd story of parents getting nasty and behaving badly so I can well believe it. Luckily my kids have never been on teams where that’s happened. 🤞

Are you expecting yours to be?

Very selfish of her. At 12 can't he walk or get the bus by himself?

At 12 my ds could have managed to get to training by himself or home matches...but away matches are often miles away in really random places that are unaccessible by public transport.

@EarthlyNightshade At 50, I can attest that the vast majority of my peers support their parents in various ways, even if they live in another country, thanks to technology.
So yes, it’s very common, just as many parents facilitate their child’s activities.

@Comedycook Given that he only needs transport to the Saturday matches, his Mum could probably arrange carpools with other parents so she’d only need to attend once a month perhaps. I’m surprised that she isn’t looking into this, it’s very common for team parents to do this.

Yes exactly!