Taking my son out of the football team...because I hate talking him to matches?

[curtainsareon]

This is what my sister has just text me saying....
Her son loves football and is goalkeeper in a local team (he is 12)
Anyway she said over the summer holidays she's enjoyed not taking him to training and the football matches ...so has removed him from the team.

I'm honestly flabbergasted
Don't you think this is selfish ?
The one thing he enjoys
I haven't said anything because it would cause trouble
I just had to vent somewhere

Yep.

Sis is that youuuuuuuuu?

It is poor parenting, but I don't get why you say "You haven't said anything".

If she can't see it for herself, then you would be doing your nephew a lot of good by pointing out to her how selfish this is.

The fact she doesn't even have to take him to training makes it even worse.
I speak as someone who hates mornings, but spent many years getting up on a Saturday to take mine to things because that's what you do as a parent.

Even more so as a goalie, but it might be that other parents would take him ? (I know someone who will say that makes her a CF, but I took dd's friend to matches for 8 years because her parents couldn't (wouldn't). It was no skin off my nose and meant the friend could play.) Or maybe there would be some other parents in the team who she could do a rota with so it was only 1 game in 3 or 4 ?

@sunsetsandboardwalks

"But PP said it "stops them" - like a sport is some kind of guarantee against your child falling in with the wrong crowd, which clearly isn't true"

Of course it's not a guarantee but it does significantly reduce the probability of your child falling in with the wrong crowd.

Personally I read PP comment "stops them" in this way rather than as an absolute guarantee which is clearly not possible.

A few days ago there was a post from a mother who had to take her daughter of a dancing class because she couldn’t combine it with her job and other activities. And everyone was so understanding and nobody said she was lazy or couldn’t do it. I don’t understand? Are sons more important? Is football more important?

That's what I'm thinking. Plenty of parents don't drive or work jobs with weekend shifts. Plenty of kids split time between two households. I don't think being able to facilitate this is the benchmark of acceptable parenting.

The OP's sister can facilitate this though. She just can't be arsed.

There's a difference between can't and won't.

It does sound that given that she only works part time she could. Obviously I don't know what other time pressures there are.

I'd say selfish. The hours I have spent waiting for my kids playing sport and doing activities/ classes.. Son was academy GK and scholar, and will be potentially making a career of football ( playing or coaching / managing) because it's his passion. Imagine if I'd been too lazy to take him. All you have to do is accompany them for a few years, and when a bit older sit in car and watch Netflix. Not exactly that hard.

I think it's quite clear from the OP's posts that she just doesn't want him to do football because she doesn't want to take him to matches on Saturday mornings.

Honestly I wouldn't want to either. I'd probably suck it up out of mum guilt to be fair.

There's a difference between juggling jobs and other commitments and simply not being arsed to do something for your kids. The op says that the mother basically realised that after the summer holiday break she didn't want to facilitate this anymore. No mention of any struggle with work etc. Of course people are more understanding when there are genuine reasons and the parents actually feel bad about not being able to do something their kids enjoy. When they just decide they don't want to because they can't be arsed there's understandably going to be less sympathy.

Where is the boy’s father in all this?

Can team parents have a rota for taking to and from matches?

At 12, your nephew must be able to tell his mother he’ll gladly accept your offer of help?

Ring her back and offer to take him. Your sister sounds very selfish. Football is only an hour and a half. I take my DC to cricket matches which can go on for 6 hours.

Crikey there’s some drama llamas on here 🤣🤣.

Everybody jumping on this woman whose circumstances you know nothing about apart from the word of a sister who clearly doesn’t like her to start with. Not to mention no one jumping on dad…

Maybe some of you would benefit from a hobby ..

I think that's a real shame tbh. I know how she feels. I spent years ferrying my son about for football while my husband drove the other son and often their mates too. Their little sister was out there in the cold with me and we had to buy a second car to manage it all. It took up so much of my Saturday that I started combining it with other tasks. Eg drop him off, say hi to the parents then find the closest aldi and do my weekly shopping then go back to pick him up.

Before you know it they're old enough to drive themselves to training and they don't need us anymore so it's worth the sacrifice I think

Self centered bad mum.

it can be a very thin line between them and just a way of wording it different. We don’t know that for sure.

Eg drop him off, say hi to the parents then find the closest aldi and do my weekly shopping then go back to pick him up

Yes, I used to do this too!

Are you someone who can't be bothered to facilitate your child's interests too? Sad.

If that’s what you’d like to believe..🥱🥱🥱

My 9yo was 'dragged' for thr last years as we all went to watch, as that's what families do, support one another and show interest in one another's interests. Younger rarely complained and spent the time playing with other siblings. Now his turn has come and we'll be there to support him and cheer him on. Sport is fantastic in so many ways, well worth the time and commitment and in our case, v much appreciated by our DC. Great socially too, as older dc's best friends are his team mates, fabulous for learning about the ups and downs in life, emotional regulation, resilience etc.

We have one or two on the team who's parents can't/don't facilitate and one of us just brings them to the away matches, or the coach does. No problem.

You are very trusting of the OP if you believe that this is the whole story.