Has anybody else started to dislike their parents as they got older?

[pinklite]

I just wanted to post here to see if many others feel/have felt this way.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. That obviously goes without saying. But as we become older (I'm nearly 30, they are late 50's) and actually I start to think that I'm not sure I like them as people. I can tolerate being in their company but I don't particularly enjoy it.

They're grumpy, have a very negative outlook on life and some of their views are questionable but that's another matter. They also make little effort with my kids, they expect me to come to them everytime and very rarely come to visit at my house. It not as if we live far from each other either so there is no excuse! If I have to ask them to babysit the children, they often begrudge it, complain and do it reluctantly. I suppose I can understand they want a quiet life, but it's not as though I ask them often.

I'm just not sure how to move forward in this situation. Is it just a case of putting up with them or do I bring it up with them?

I love my parents. But i have seen my dad lose his tolerance for things in recent years. He is still kind and lovely but sometimes he comes out with things that are really Daily Mail. He made a comment the other day about immigrants - it was a joke allegedly - but he quickly explained it away when I pulled him up on it. He likes Donald trump. I think part of this is because he likes to just have the opposite opinion to me and my husband sometimes. He sees us as far too liberal I think when I just see us as a bit leftie.

It makes me sad sometimes, he was always very accepting of anyone and always drilled it into me that I would be the same.

Of course, but there are many who have property and money to leave. Seeing some of these comments, wouldn’t blame some parents for changing their wills.

I don't think i dislike them, i think I'd say I'm indifferent. They are both very hard work and spending time with them is exhausting. I feel on edge when they are around as DM especially can be very judgy.

They haven't got the relationship with DD that I hoped they would, I've tried really hard to encourage them to spend time with her, and I've only asked them a handful of times for help with childcare. She plays a sport and is really quite good at it, we invited them to her end of season presentation and they said no because they would have to travel to us on "their busy day".

I don't agree with some of the decisions they've made recently - they've moved to a huge house in the middle of nowhere, which is completely impractical, especially with their mobility. They have no family or friends nearby.

It's their life, but they are going to struggle in the coming years.

Being completely honest with yourself, do you think perhaps the apple didn’t fall far from the tree?

Having the exact issue with my dad! I try avoid political discussion with him but he shoehorns it into every conversation. So negative and so focused on immigration etc that they’re failing to see everything they should be very thankful for in life.

They probably won’t though as I can’t see the need for two people earning in a household ever reversing.

Or they show their contempt in more passive ways.

There's already a movement underway that's anti-daycare, where they say that the mum should go without for a couple of years because of all the damage that daycare causes. I have no skin in the game fyi.

My DCs are in their mid/late teens now and speak fondly of nursery and after school club. They were there most days.

I must admit I don’t see nursery or wrap around care as a negative. Most of the kids seem to love it so I don’t share the view that it is damaging.

Late fifties though 😮 seems young to be turning into miserable old people

Those who know me, and also my parents, know that I fell as far away from the tree as it's possible to fall.

Conversation with them can turn from pleasant to difficult in the blink of an eye, so I'm reluctant to ask for advice or their thoughts. Even at 53 I still feel that they are disappointed in me, that I should live in a bigger house, drive a more expensive car, etc etc because of comments they've made.

Being concerned that they are 200 miles away from their family and friends, living in huge house, with no local support is not ideal, but that's up to them. DD is surrounded by our friends and family and is a well adjusted happy child, it's a shame her grandparents rarely spend time with her since they moved.

The only reason why I'm justifying my answer, is because the comment you made it's exactly the sort of thing my parents would say.

They probably won’t though as I can’t see the need for two people earning in a household ever reversing.

That may be true but I do think there's a lot of movement towards a shorter work week, or hybrid working, or working from home, which will minimise the amount of time children spend at nursery.

There's also lots of young parents online who don't use nursery and don't agree with nursery, especially for very young children who can't talk etc.

I was one of the generation who was in childcare from three months and I always said if I ever had children, I wouldn't want that for them as I really disliked it. Of course all children are different but I know a lot of the kids I was in childcare with resented the fact that they had to be there, especially the ones who went everyday.

Oh gosh. I hope my grown up children like me, I certainly like them!
My mum died when I was 11, I imagine we would have irritated each other but I so wish I'd had her for longer!
Dad lived to 90, I really miss sitting in his kitchen listening to his radio. He did keep telling the same stories but had such a comforting presence. I was in the throws of looking after tricky teenage children as a single mum over the other side of the country when he died, I still feel lost without him.