Anyone awake at all? Just found a man in the corner of my bedroom

[PollyPicksMe]

On my side of the bed. Stood next to me. Pissing on the floor!

The man is my H. I was absolutely shocked and I’m not a deep sleeper so knew what I was seeing was right

I quickly jumped up and screamed at him to stop. He went to try and carry on. I screamed again and then I cried (these are new carpets!).

He sat on the bed next to me, genuinely concerned as to why I was crying. He then realised what was happening, like a confused state of amnesia or something, and ran out to grab tissue and clean it all up

He went back to sleep obviously very embarrassed and confused. He was really really confused

What on earth is going on?! I said to him before he went back to sleep that he needs some sort of help, that’s not normal.

He said nothing like this has ever happened before.

Well, no, he’s never done a wee on the floor next to me in the bedroom! But he does quite a few weird things sometimes. The other week he got me a phone case. Said I was ridiculously for choosing the colour I did and that I was unbelievable. He kept going on and on! I then realised he looked like he was glazed over and not really him

He has told me to fucking sort my life out. When asked why, as this is midnight when I would’ve been sleeping for a while, he said ‘You don’t even train anymore. To be the best, you need to get out there with that ball at all hours’ 😒

Another time he’s fallen asleep on the sofa and come up here. I was putting on fresh sheets and he said ‘Why aren’t these in yet? You lazy bitch’. and then started wittering on some crazy stuff like ‘You need help. My maid from the 4 Season’s has his sheets done by Gloria. She is great. I wonder what sheets these are. Any idea of their thread count?’

Surely this is some sort of sleep walking behaviour? I’ve been married 8 years. My husband has never ever called me a bitch. He’s never called me lazy! He is incredibly confused when he Comes round and is embarrassed and sometimes a bit in disbelief because he just doesn’t remember

It is new behaviour. Started about 3 weeks ago and it really annoys me. And now I am quite angry!

So my friend’s new partner stayed at our house and came into my bedroom in this state and did a wee. It was very scary and at least I knew this was someone I could ask to leave. I would be locking the bedroom door until it’s sorted too. With my friend’s partner he was a using weed (openly) but also secret heavy alcohol consumption, which was causing these night-time stupors. I think a visit to the gp is needed but also check if there is any alcohol issue in last few weeks or substances etc?

Sleep walking! Can sometimes come on during a stressful period. Runs in families apparently. My siblings both did it, my brother right into adulthood. Is he having a difficult time at the moment? A GP appt definitely.

Misleading thread title OP, it was your DH.

No. It does not sound like schizophrenia or psychosis at all. Nothing like it.

My DF (who is lot older than your DH of course!) has strange sleep events for a good few years before he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. With hindsight, there were clues there well before the more obvious problems such as a tremor - the sleep incidents, plus some memory problems and something getting words mixed up, low mood..

If we had known that earlier then he might have started medication a few years before he actually did.

I am not suggesting that your DH has Parkinson’s OP, but you can’t ignore what is happening. There is a sleep movement disorder also, where people act out their dreams and can vocalise too, but it’s rare and you would still need medication to keep everyone safe and to look at stressors in his life.

If it’s new behaviour maybe speak to the GPnext week. Double check with his family he’s not slept walked or talked before.

Sleeping walking gets worse with alcohol and stress. It normally happens in the hours you suggested due to sleep cycles. I won’t do it for a while then I tend to have a cluster of it.

I told my DH I was going to kill him last week if he kept flashing his magic light to make wooden structures.

It’s an odd experience I do occasionally remember esp if I come round during it. I get really annoyed with my DH, because what I’m seeing is real to me. If I told you repeatedly you weren’t holding your phone but you were it would get irritating. So my DH has found it’s like having a toddler and it’s better to redirect and distract.

That was my first thought

No it really doesn’t.

it sounds like night terrors. Every so often my DH has episodes similar to this (no pissing, although I once woke up to see his bum descending rapidly toward my face as he babbled sincerely about promising to serve his country - he thought he was the king). 2-3am seems to be when most of them happen for him.

Triggers seem to be a run or poor sleep, or stress, things like stress at work, death of a family member, lack of sleep in the first few months after new baby, moving house, job change and lockdown.

Sometimes he digs in the bed panicking that one of the children is buried. Sometimes he sits up and whispers to me that someone’s in the room (he then lies back down while I peel myself back off the ceiling). Usually it’s mundane stuff like looking for his keys, train ticket, or an item of clothing, and he’s tried to call for room service a couple of times. Once he ended up with a black eye after flying out of bed to ‘catch a train’ (only thing he cause was the wall!).

When he’s in it he truly believes whatever he thinks is happening. Sometimes he will wake after a lot of gentle prompts but usually I just get him back into bed and he falls asleep. Sometimes he remembers when he wakes, but not always.

He had night terrors as a child but he was also early 30s when they resurfaced.

Get your DH to see his GP to rule out anything sinister. If it is night terrors the GP will be able to give advice on this too.

gp. anger is misplaced as he isn't in control of what is happening to his body and mind at these times. sounds worrying for you both. hope you have good gp. i'd probbly want neurologist to start with.

This behaviour is very concerning as others have rightly pointed out. But how can you be angry and annoyed at something that has clearly some sort of physical or mental health reason? I would be worried and concerned about his health.

I’d be extremely worried he has a brain tumour. He needs to see a doctor asap

Is he a very heavy drinker? A friend of mine used to hang coat hangers on the wardrobe handles as her heavy drinker H used to get up in the middle of the night and try to pee in the wardrobe - the coat hangers would wake her and she could redirect him. The marriage failed in the end- and he finally went dry after it did

First thing is don't try to discuss it there and then. He'll be confused, maybe even asleep and of course it's embarrassing for him. You don't know if you're talking to awake him or sleep him. If he doesn't normally shout or say nasty things then it's about support not conflict.

I asked my husband for a bowl of lamb stew once, and told him, as I searched through the quilt that I only wanted a little bit of stew. He said I looked and seemed perfectly awake but I don't remember a thing.

Talk to him about it first thing in the morning and book a gp appointment.

One of my DC had issues with violent nightmares that involved trying to jump out of windows and caused injuries and was described melatonin - from what I read at that time it seemed to be a first line treatment for anyone with it, I can’t even remember now but it was classed as a sleep movement disorder rather than night terrors specifically.

I agree. He needs a doctor's appointment.

He did what?? LTB. That is absolutely disgusting.

I was thinking alcohol as this is the only time I've heard about men urinating in bedrooms.

This sounds like my Dad, when he was really stressed at work he would go through periods where he would sleep talk/ sleep walk, even if he was only napping on the sofa , he would sit bolt upright as though awake and ask really bizarre questions. From memory I think he had a wee in a wardrobe once, so my Mum tied the handles together on a night for a while. A friend has a husband who does all sorts of random things when asleep, it's more common than a lot of people realise.

I would still be tempted to get him to contact a GP for advice.

For God's sake GP ASAP. This could be really serious.
But it could also be stress. When my first marriage was ending due to DV I would sleep walk. My H of the time once caught me climbing naked out of a 3rd floor window about to jump. I woke up dangling out of the window with him hanging onto my legs.

I think you probably need a GP appointment and a referral for further tests as this sounds very similar to when DP began getting nocturnal seizures. On a number of occasions, before the first full blown seizure happened, I had really similar experiences to the ones you're describing, when he would be awake at night and talking absolute rubbish to me about really random things. Almost like he'd been having a dream about something, had woken up but was still in the middle of the dream if you see what I mean.

He's always talked a lot in his sleep so I thought it was an extension of this until he had his first full blown tonic clonic seizure. He was subsequently diagnosed with nocturnal epilepsy (seizures only happen as you're in that half state between awake and asleep) and now, provided he takes his medication regularly, it very rarely happens.

I was not able to get back from that “wee” fall out. I insisted for a few more weeks that he had to see a doctor but he refused saying he didn’t think it was that bad and that I also snored, so I left him.

You may say it was cruel to leave him as this was most likely a medical problem but, after 4 years of this progressively getting worse AND his constant refusal to seek help

Exactly, this is similar to the point I was trying to make upthread. If he’s unaware and not in control of his actions it’s very frightening for OP and things could escalate. She’ll be on edge wondering what he’ll do next time. If he isn’t seeking medical attention to better understand what’s going on- he is now part of the problem.

I think you were very wise not to stick around @NotAgainWilson not cruel at all. We need to normalise expecting men to be adults who take care and responsibility for their own health.

And if they don’t to the extent where it’s now impacting those around them - these are the consequences they’ll have to deal with as not every women will tolerate this. I certainly wouldn’t.

The amount of people telling Op to “take him
to the doctors ”as if he’s a small child is very telling.

I would definitely write down everything and go to the doctor.

Just one thing, when was talking about the phone case, was that late at night? Had he previously been asleep and woken up when this incident happened?

Was he asleep before all the other episodes ?

Hope he is ok today.

I would be frightened and angry and annoyed if I woke up to him peeing on the carpet and not knowing he'd done it.

Emotions are complex and you can feel more than one thing you know 🙄

What on earth is the need for the overly dramatic thread title and being angry at him. You should be worried about him. Clearly something medical is going on, most likely sleepwalking but this needs investigating by a doctor. Get him to the GP as soon as you can and go with him to the appointment.

No it really doesn't.