Anyone awake at all? Just found a man in the corner of my bedroom

[PollyPicksMe]

On my side of the bed. Stood next to me. Pissing on the floor!

The man is my H. I was absolutely shocked and I’m not a deep sleeper so knew what I was seeing was right

I quickly jumped up and screamed at him to stop. He went to try and carry on. I screamed again and then I cried (these are new carpets!).

He sat on the bed next to me, genuinely concerned as to why I was crying. He then realised what was happening, like a confused state of amnesia or something, and ran out to grab tissue and clean it all up

He went back to sleep obviously very embarrassed and confused. He was really really confused

What on earth is going on?! I said to him before he went back to sleep that he needs some sort of help, that’s not normal.

He said nothing like this has ever happened before.

Well, no, he’s never done a wee on the floor next to me in the bedroom! But he does quite a few weird things sometimes. The other week he got me a phone case. Said I was ridiculously for choosing the colour I did and that I was unbelievable. He kept going on and on! I then realised he looked like he was glazed over and not really him

He has told me to fucking sort my life out. When asked why, as this is midnight when I would’ve been sleeping for a while, he said ‘You don’t even train anymore. To be the best, you need to get out there with that ball at all hours’ 😒

Another time he’s fallen asleep on the sofa and come up here. I was putting on fresh sheets and he said ‘Why aren’t these in yet? You lazy bitch’. and then started wittering on some crazy stuff like ‘You need help. My maid from the 4 Season’s has his sheets done by Gloria. She is great. I wonder what sheets these are. Any idea of their thread count?’

Surely this is some sort of sleep walking behaviour? I’ve been married 8 years. My husband has never ever called me a bitch. He’s never called me lazy! He is incredibly confused when he Comes round and is embarrassed and sometimes a bit in disbelief because he just doesn’t remember

It is new behaviour. Started about 3 weeks ago and it really annoys me. And now I am quite angry!

Another vote for go to the GP.

Can you film him?

I occasionally sleep walk and I have said some crazy things in my sleep, the weirdest was probably, "Charlie doesn't make sense with cartoon mice".

My cat was called Charlie and my friend was trying to wake me up to see if the cat was in the house.

It could be stress, it could be something else, but the first step is the GP.

I've sent some mental texts in the middle of the night too. After I am made aware of doing stuff in the night I have to hide my phone overnight for a bit 🤣

Agree he needs to see GP to investigate. But some of the replies here are a bit far fetched!
My husband has always had some sort of night terrors as in waking talking rubbish maybe shouting a little and going back to sleep. No awareness. Then a few years back started exhibiting some absolutely bonkers behaviour all in his sleep. Acting out dreams, screaming the house down, injuring himself from running around the room. All in his sleep. Turned out he wasn't dealing with work related stress very well and his stress/anxiety was way worse than I had realised or than he had let on. We worked on that and the night terrors improved. I wonder is it something like this? Has he ever had any sort of terrors that you know of? They can be mild as in just abrupt wakening and saying or shouting something in his sleep.
Stress can manifest itself in sleep disorders. Hope you get some answers

Seizures …. My late husband had a brain tumour and presented like some of the things that you have mentioned. He should have gone and got medical attention when you realised he was in a highly confused state.

Try not to be angry try and stays centred on finding out the cause.

i say this as he is young but this sounds like my fil who ultimately had a brain tumour.

I’d be urgently seeking a GP appointment

my mil thought my FIL who had several of the same issues was being daft / annoying and ignored it for months.
it was a combination of me and my husbands aunt insisting it not normal and harassing my DH to insist his mother takes his dad to a GP appointment that got the ball rolling. The immediate family had a lot of guilt around the fact he was clearly ill and they dismissed / ignored it

My husband has a history of sleep walking and I have woken to find him in a similar state although he often seemed to be looking for something in his sleep. But I’ve never woken to find him urinating. I once witnessed him meticulously examining the bedroom wall and said he was looking for the door. Other times he is stood at the window and he describes what he is watching but it never tallies with what is in front of him. He talks as if awake in this state, very clear although the context is often garbled. He too is also blunt with me when he speaks and like the OP, says things in a tone which he doesn’t ever otherwise use with me. Sometimes he would simply climb back into bed, but he could also fully awaken and he would describe an awful crashing and depressing realisation of what he had been doing that could take him days to recover from. He did this throughout his 30-40s, not regularly but a few time per year, with no pattern or obvious triggers. He did travel for work back then so there may have been other events that I didn’t witness. He attended some monitored sleep studies but which never established what was going on but that was nearly 30 years ago now. I don’t believe he has experienced these episodes since his mid 40s and he is now in his 70s. He has though become a much light sleeper. I hope you both can get some answers and I know first from first hand experience how difficult these can be to witness. .

Had he been drinking?

This seems like one of those things that might be something or might be nothing. Its probably worth mentioning to a doctor if possible. That said, I know someone who used to sleepwalk ocassionally and said and did some very odd things, such as breaking ornaments, and would reply angrily but nonsensically if spoken too. No cause was found and after a while it just stopped.

GP and a referral to sleep clinic asap.

My mate was like this - none of us would share a room with him in the end as he'd get up and piss anywhere, particularly if he'd had a drink the night before (and we'd only really be sharing a room/sofa/floor with him if we'd been out on the piss so this was often!)...

He'd wake up and if you were LUCKY... wake you up to ramble on at you about the cheese factory, or to tell you some convoluted diagnosis of his latest cadaver (medical student at this point)...

If you were unlucky, you'd wake to find him pissing on you.

He doesn't do it any more, it was a combination of drinking and the stress of being a medical student.

Definitely agree, record him on your phone if you can, gives you useful evidence to show Drs (and him, so he can understand how upsetting some of the things he says are. It isn't his fault, but those things are still pretty upsetting!).

Sounds like seizures, GP might not recognise them as that so it’s important you flag and push for investigation. I think I would go to A&E too. Hope you get this resolved asap

My DP does similar sleepwalking, it’s worse when he’s really tired and been deeply asleep or is somewhere new. It’s almost exactly what you describe - irrational behaviour, bluntness and confusion we he wakes

Definitely gp. Write down everything and try to film something if you can. Go gp with him and explain what's happening.

People are saying sleep walking but the phone case incident I assume he was awake?

Ask gp for a scan on his brain. If you don't get any answers keep going back.

Are you a psychiatrist? And even if you are, you cannot diagnose a condition based on a few sentences.
This does not 'sound like schizophrenia'. It is something that requires a doctor's attention

I really wouldn't be angry, at best he has a sudden onset sleep disorder, but he could also be suffering from a brain tumour with associated seizures, or some other neurological condition. At a stretch diabetes should also be ruled out.

Has he had any accidents before this started, even a bump to the head you dismissed as nothing at the time?

Why did you write that?
Couldn't you just say 'based on my experience with a friend, i'd get in touch with a doctor immediately'
No need to be so scaremongery

I'd get to GP asap op, for such drastic changes in behaviour

Why the dramatic title?

Sounds like sleep walking, but probably worth a visit to the GP's.

I don't know why your angry with him..or why you were crying because he peed on the floor. You sound very dramatic.

It is definitively sleep walking.
If it has only started recently, make hi to de Dr. He may be having some health issues that have triggered. Is he running a fever? Covid?

This doesn't sound at all like sleepwalking but I'm not a medical professional and since there are numerous diagnoses possible, some of which are more urgent than others, he needs to be seen asap.

A few posters have said for OP to be less angry and more concerned, but I think concern/ worry can manifest as anger tbh so not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Additionally some of the anger she feels may be because he’s clearly really unsettling her during these episodes and she’s expressing distress and alarm but yet he doesn’t seem to be actively seeking help.

It shouldn’t take Op to “book him an appointment” women are expected to take of their health as well as men’s health which is ridiculous and it’s so normalised. And even if she does book an appointment she can’t force him to go.

The fact he can be uncharacteristically aggressive and unpleasant in this state eg, calling her “a lazy bitch” and urinating on the new carpet - is at least one reason why he should be motivated to get to the bottom of this himself.

It’s pretty frightening especially for a woman if your partner starts behaving like that out of nowhere. So I’m guessing a lot of this anger
comes from fear.

Please take him to the doctor. They sound like absent seizures to me, because they're happening when he's awake as well as asleep. It doesn't sound like it's something he has control over as he's confused and embarrassed afterwards. Sudden onset seizures can be a sign of a brain tumour (sorry to say, but it was for my brother) so pleased don't just leave it. Keeping everything crossed xxx

Sleepwalking - I can have a full blown conversation with one of my relatives when we go away. While they are asleep.

We never show her how the door unlocks or where keys are kept. Windows are kept locked as once she tried jumping out of them from 3rd floor hotel room.

Suffice to say when sharing a room I hardly get any sleep as I’m always on guard. I’ve never been angry just concerned.

Has he been under a lot of stress recently? Any big life changes recently / coming up? Any history of mental illness either in him or close family? Has he had a recent eye test? Are drink or drugs involved at all? Any family history of epilepsy?
I would be concerned OP, especially as he doesn't have a history of this. Seizures sprang to mind but yes, potential tumour as well. Make sure you attend the medical appointment with him.

I think you should only feel angry if he has some kind of substance abuse issue that you’ve not mentioned. None of us are doctors, whether this is sleepwalking or something else, let the GP investigate. But don’t let him brush it off. I wouldn’t be angry as this is not something he can control (unless he’s abusing alcohol or drugs), you can’t control what you do or say when asleep. You probably needed to get a scrubbing brush and water rather than a tissue, or buy one of those spot cleaners if you can’t get the smell out.

Is his blood sugar dropping really low at that time? And is he drinking/weeing more than normal? Could it be diabetes?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/diabetes/

I agree to this and the quoted post to a point but also think you need to be aware of the effect this has on you.

My DP started experiencing things like these in the last few years of our relationship. I blame it on undiagnosed sleep apnea, which might not be the reason behind this case at all but, he ended up spending a lot of time sleeping… and becoming progressively more aggressive/foul mouthed when I tried to get him out of bed (he is the perfect gentleman who never talked to me like that outside these episodes). We came to the point when he weed on the bed followed by shouting a lot of abuse when I tried to clean it up, he is very tall and strong so I do not deny feeling in danger when he had his tirades at night).

Despite the two of us going downstairs to the kitchen to put the bedding in the washer, I found him sitting on the bed, still covered in wee, when I went back to the bedroom half an hour later, at that point he started shouting at me when I insisted he needed to see a doctor. This was followed by a huge argument and him trying to leave the house in his anger. The worst part? He doesn’t remember ANY of it, I felt in danger many times but he has no recollection whatsoever.

I was not able to get back from that “wee” fall out. I insisted for a few more weeks that he had to see a doctor but he refused saying he didn’t think it was that bad and that I also snored, so I left him.

You may say it was cruel to leave him as this was most likely a medical problem but, after 4 years of this progressively getting worse AND his constant refusal to seek help. I thought it wouldn’t be long before he gave me a good beating on his sleep and honestly, if he didn’t want to help himself by seeing a doctor, I was not going to put myself at further risk just to justify he was asleep when he did it.

OP, I hope you find the answer and the solution but be prepared to put yourself first as well as, if he has no control during these episodes, you are in danger.