I'm desperate to downsize, but is now the time?

[Heavyboom]

I have a large family home, with a large garden and I'm finding maintaining it overwhelming now I'm on my own. DH died 3 years ago.

Currently I share it with 2 young adult sons, who are very good at "helping" but the responsibility is mine and I don't like it.

The oldest is about to move into rented accomodation with GF. I have some concerns, not particularly about her, but they both spend money like water and things will have to change a lot if they're to make a success of this.

DS2 is a big introvert, who has struggled more than ever since his dad died. We don't know what the future holds, but there's no sign of him going anywhere for a while yet.

Anyway, the perfect place for me and DS2 has come up, but if I go for it, there's nowhere for DS1 to come "home" to, if needed. He's 23, didn't go to uni, has a decent working class type job on a salary probably equivalent to a newish graduate, but less opportunity for fast progression.

WWYD?

2 bedrooms is really small. Even when they move out it doesn't give you a lot of space ?

It might take ages to sell your property. I speak from experience having just instructed the third estate agent.

I think you need a home that accommodates your older son if he needs it. He’s still young and he’s lost his dad. He needs a ‘base’.

What sort of maintenance are you finding difficult?

Is it possible to downsize but still have 3 bedrooms? Or at least a room that could be set up as a bedroom if needed? Sometimes it's not about the number of bedrooms but about overall size of house & garden.

I agree, you really need three beds. Your younger DS might be at home for years yet, even if everything works out well for DS1 might they want to come back and stay sometimes, are there other friends and family who might come and stay, even without this a spare room is so useful for home office, hobbies etc.

It's exactly what I want for me. 2 large bedrooms, large open plan living space, small patio garden.

It will take a lot of decluttering to fit our stuff in, but it's the first time I've felt excited about anything in ages. I also feel doing the decluttering now, saves them a job later.

Fwiw, I have money earmarked to help them both buy a home when they're ready. There's no danger DS1 would be homeless, I'd help him if it came to that, and there'd always be a bed for a few nights, if that's what he needed.

Both DSs seem excited about it too.

I don’t think it’s the right time OP. 23 is still young and he may need to come home if it doesn’t work out with his GF. Add the loss of his dad … I’d put it on hold for a while and try to get help for the garden.

Honestly I think go for it. You can't hold on forever.

You can’t live your life on what if’s

You can buy a sofa bed - he can share with his brother.

I would get yourself ready to move!!

It might work out with his GF it might not - but that’s his choice to move and I doubt he’ll want to come home.

Everything, from keeping on top of regular housework, to finding and dealing with trades when something goes wrong, plus the place was refurbished when we moved in 20 years ago and now needs doing right through again, and the garden that I used to love working in with DH is going to ruin. It's all too hard and emotioanlly overwhelming, alongside the full-on job required to pay for it all.

Having read your update they both sound onboard. If they are big bedrooms and they wouldn’t mind sharing at some point then maybe.

Yes, I plan to have a sofa bed, so there's always a bed, if not a room.

If both your adult sons are positive regarding it, I would strongly consider it. Does your eldest know this means though that there won't be anywhere to 'come home' to for him? That hi staying from now on would only be a temporary arrangement?

I hope you are very happy in your new home, OP.

Its really hard to find a suitable downsize property round here and I don't want to move away from friends and family. My parents have suddenly got "old" and need me more now too.

Around here, a small 3 beds usually means an ex council terrace. Nothing wrong with that, it's what my first home was, but I don't want to move back to it now. Small and detached usually comes with a lot of land and more often than not will be bought by developers to put a big house on.

Oh yes I would 100% get moving on this.

I can't wait to downsize out of our big old high-maintenance house and just blissfully exist in a hassle free space.

It's not just the garden though. It's got to the point that I hate coming home and the home I shared with DH and where we raised our family makes me want to cry.

Your sons will likely come back. I downsized and now mine are back!

Have you been in the position where you have to do all this on your own though?

I'd go for it, the time is right for you if you feel excited despite having to have that massive declutter.

You have money to help your sons if you need too. If you son needs to move back in for months you'd manage because people do and you love your boy.

TBH the picture of squeezing us all into the small house, somehow, is much more attractive to me than carrying on like this. Boys might not think so, if it actually happened, but we'd be OK, short term at least.

FTB my parents are nearby still in their massive house so there'd be a room there too.