I'm desperate to downsize, but is now the time?

[Heavyboom]

I have a large family home, with a large garden and I'm finding maintaining it overwhelming now I'm on my own. DH died 3 years ago.

Currently I share it with 2 young adult sons, who are very good at "helping" but the responsibility is mine and I don't like it.

The oldest is about to move into rented accomodation with GF. I have some concerns, not particularly about her, but they both spend money like water and things will have to change a lot if they're to make a success of this.

DS2 is a big introvert, who has struggled more than ever since his dad died. We don't know what the future holds, but there's no sign of him going anywhere for a while yet.

Anyway, the perfect place for me and DS2 has come up, but if I go for it, there's nowhere for DS1 to come "home" to, if needed. He's 23, didn't go to uni, has a decent working class type job on a salary probably equivalent to a newish graduate, but less opportunity for fast progression.

WWYD?

How many children do you have? While you're hoping they won't be mid-30s by the time they can buy, isn't the likelihood that they'll be settled in relationships before they can buy? Are you really comfortable (as per your previous comment, not this one!) that you might be potentially housing grown adults with long-term partners? I'd honestly suspect they'd rather live in a rental than do that!

I completely get you OP. I am fortunate to still have my DH living and so we manage to cope with a similar home situation (with sometimes getting a bit of extra help with some garden work). If he wasn't here, I would definitely want to shed the responsibility and I know I couldn't manage it myself. You're also still in a quite fresh loss and that saps your energy. You need to do what is best for you because your needs are important too. A two bedroom doesn't mean your son can't come and crash with you if necessary. It might not be as comfortable but it's a roof for him. If there really are no three bedrooms, could you consider a two and study, so that extra room is there?

Definitely go for it, I don’t think some posters realise how rare it is to find a property to downsize to until you start seriously searching for the holy grail, bungalows are often on big plots with large gardens and cost more than detached two story family homes, apartment living doesn’t appeal to everyone, having people above below and beside you, often with no garden or a communal garden, plus the high maintenance charges often doesn’t make them an attractive option. I often think house builders are missing a golden opportunity, if they built a spacious detached house or bungalow with 2 bedrooms and large living areas more people would be inclined to downsize. For me when I downsize I still want large living areas just not numerous bedrooms.

@Heavyboom I think given both your ds's are on board with your move then I would do it.
It sounds like it would be better for your mental health, and really you can't buy for family who might need a room there. You need two bedrooms for the two people living there. What if your younger one moves out? Sorry if I've missed this won't be possible. You'll then have a guest room which either ds can stay in.

Does it have to be detached? How about a 3 bed semi or terrace?

He's 23 and in employment! Coming back would be an absolute last resort for him surely, in which case you'd muddle on through. Just do it OP. Life is much too short

Slight different situation but I was 23 when i moved out with my dh (then boyfriend) my mother had wanted to downsize for ages but because i was still at home hadnt wanted to, likewise i had wanted to moved out for ages but was worried about her reaction and also she had said once i moved out i couldnt come back (i think to stop me rushing into it). When i finally told her i was moving out she was so relieved, and told me of her plans to downsize for ages but had been waiting

While she made it clear i wouldnt be able to move back she said there would always be a bed for me (never needed it!) plus i did have my dads to stay out so slightly different situation.

I never looked back and everyone was able to move on with the next stage of their lives

I really think you should do this op for you and for your boys even if they are saying what you want to hear, it will be good for you all. And you ds1 is moving on why cant you?

How many children do you have? While you're hoping they won't be mid-30s by the time they can buy, isn't the likelihood that they'll be settled in relationships before they can buy? Are you really comfortable (as per your previous comment, not this one!) that you might be potentially housing grown adults with long-term partners? I'd honestly suspect they'd rather live in a rental than do that!

I've got three, two in their twenties and one ten years younger than them.

The eldest bought alone last year, which was good going. The second is home after sharing in London for a year. She moved back to work locally and has a partner here, so we will see. Not sure what she will do next.

Prices (and rents) will be still higher by the time the third is ready to move out.

No way would I want to risk in my retirement being joined to noisy or inconsiderate neighbours, particularly when you have lived in a detached property.

Exactly. I don't consider them "off the books" while they're at the mercy of landlords.

Yes, I lived like that for a decade, but I'm not going back to it if I don't need to. I want to downsize, not downgrade.

Do it OP…if he comes back then he will have to share with his brother….this is about you not them,…they are adults….you aren’t saying the stable door is closed….you are saying , come on in but, take as you find

Yes I completely acknowledge the increased churn.

Neither my dh or I received any help from our parents though once we had our first jobs. It wasn't expected that parents provide flat deposits.

I know that is probably a reflection on the market too but it’s another way in which parents are expected to “provide” for longer.

I haven't received a penny from my parents, ever. I am struggling to come to terms with what is expected or required nowadays!

It's all got a bit out of hand @Applecidervinegar641

So, I've just been to see it. It's only built to window height currently. The location and aspect is perfect. The outdoor space quite exciting, two terraces, one west and one south facing.

But it really does feel very small. I think they do when partially built? The room dimensions are comparable to the ones in my current home, but fewer of them, but it did feel small.

Also, not sure if the developer is cutting some corners. Gas boiler, not heat pump and windows in downstairs bedrooms with no small openers...

I’d go for it OP.
3 years on its not a grief reaction to move. You’ve provided to help sons out and you could salads have a sofa bed for DS1 if really necessary.
Good luck with the move. And from experience going from half an acre on my own to a patio garden was a huge benefit.

And yes, they always look small when part built. Could you ask for windows to be upgraded?

If they don't have a show home, can the developer arrange for you to visit a completed bungalow with the same footprint on some other development?

It's so hard to judge from low walls, as you say.

Houses always look very small during construction, even when the walls and roof are in place.

I've heard of people having huge issues and high bills with heat pumps, they seem to be very difficult to regulate so gas heating wouldn't put me off. You'll be heating less space and it will be insulated to current specs.

Do you mean trickle vents in the window where you can open a small flap? They are handy, but if you have gas heating I presume there will be vents in the walls.

Also, if the room sizes are comparable the main difference in size will be the number of rooms, but that's the point of downsizing.

I'd rather have a gas boiler than one of the problematic heat pump, but I couldn't live without fanlights.

That was the developer's argument re heat pumps. My Dad who's had solar panels for 20 years and and early adopter for all things energy saving is a big fan though.

Re the windows, I mean the ability to open a small window (fan light ?) at the top rather than the whole window.

It's a one off development.

I think the fan light issue is because of fire regulations, I know they were tightened up here in Ireland. Many window now have a higher open, so there's a panel of wood/PVC/aluclad with glass below and then the window opening above. Do they have trickle vents? Small flap that can opened or closed?

My friend was in the same situation as you and went ahead with it and it has been positive overall. Her eldest DC came home with partner and there wasn’t a room but she had a big enough garden and they sorted something out there and it is fine.