I'm desperate to downsize, but is now the time?

[Heavyboom]

I have a large family home, with a large garden and I'm finding maintaining it overwhelming now I'm on my own. DH died 3 years ago.

Currently I share it with 2 young adult sons, who are very good at "helping" but the responsibility is mine and I don't like it.

The oldest is about to move into rented accomodation with GF. I have some concerns, not particularly about her, but they both spend money like water and things will have to change a lot if they're to make a success of this.

DS2 is a big introvert, who has struggled more than ever since his dad died. We don't know what the future holds, but there's no sign of him going anywhere for a while yet.

Anyway, the perfect place for me and DS2 has come up, but if I go for it, there's nowhere for DS1 to come "home" to, if needed. He's 23, didn't go to uni, has a decent working class type job on a salary probably equivalent to a newish graduate, but less opportunity for fast progression.

WWYD?

Then it's the right time for you. I'm pretty sure that neither of your sons would want you to stay somewhere that upsets you just for them.

I wouldn't be happy about the windows, is it even Legal not to have a fire escape route if needed?

No you've misunderstood. They do have opening windows, they don't have the small opening fanlight at the top. I have windows open at night, but I'd prefer they were small ones, especially on the ground floor.

I'd look into seeing if you are allowed to change them. I too have the fan light windows open pretty much all year round.
Are you going to have a look at the other house that's come on the market? I'd be inclined to have a list of the room sizes from the new build to see how they measure up.

Buying a new build you buy at a premium. Once it's lived in, the value of a house goes down. Something to bear in mind.

I don't really care about the value. It's somewhere to live, not an investment.

I've had a walk past. It's really shabby on the outside with lots of scrubby grass in the front garden, things I'm trying to get away from.

I've also seen a much bigger 3 bed bungalow that's been beautifully done up, but it has a large garden and an out building with 2 offices and a gym. All space we could use it could even, maybe, be a living space for DS1 and GF or for DS2 if he decides he's staying forever, but I'm trying to lose space 😆

All these places are withing 3/4 mile of each other and cost much the same, which makes no sense to me.

Yes, I get it. But, if you move, allow for the emotional impact of doing it. My DH died 18 months ago. I’m not moving, but I arranged for a decorator to come in and re-do the bedrooms. I was upset for days.🤷‍♀️

You might find it hard.💐

Omg don't let the GF move in or she will never leave! I have told mine that I will shelter them but no partners. Gives them an incentive to move out.

Yes, my friend has 4 adult children and at one point she had 10 adults living in her house!

I don't think I'd mind them living in the garden though.

You are just sending shivers down my spine. No, I cannot tolerate this! I will move out to a youth hostel. Already finding it hard with 4 adults.

Op I really think that you should go for it, you know it will work longer term for you and I think with a sofabed and furniture that is right for the space you will be able to make it work. You may also need to also downsize some of your furniture, in order to make the smaller space work, but in doing so you will actually need less space. I am sure that you will be able to make the space work.

More importantly I suspect that as your sons see you settled and happier in the new home, they will increasingly feel less worried/responsibility for you. Which will probably mean that they will grow their own lives outside of the home.

Good luck with it all, I have also had a tragic loss and I know personally that it is so hard to navigate these kinds of big decisions when you have suffered a bereavement. There is a complexity of factors that are linked to the loss, which create ripples that would not be a consideration if you had not lost your husband.

I am willing you on with this.

I disagree. He's an adult even if he has lost his father and the OP needs to focus on herself now. It's enough that she will house the other son for the time being.

Fwiw, I'm 60 living alone inna 2-bed bungalow and find it confining, especially with frequent guests. And my bedroom is more spacious than what you describe.

I don't have a ton of belongings but do have many books, sewing supplies and items I need to keep ready for traveling and certain events I attend annually.

Just having somewhere to wrap gifts, etc is a pain. And I still need a place for the computer and office stuff.

Currently using an inflatable bed in the second room , for guests, but it's less than ideal for them.

It seems like 2 bedrooms for two people should be sufficient but it feels cramped. I have no option to upsize. Just wanted to give you a different POV.

Don't get me started on one bathroom.

Good luck.

Does take a difference if I can give DS1 a 50% deposit to buy somewhere?

Apologies if that's a drip feed, I've lost track a bit. I'm slightly reluctant because of the risk the relationship doesn't work out, but if he bought something affordable for him alone, in his own name....Have to admit, I wouldn't love that in GF's shoes, but later he could tf it to joint names, if he wanted to.

It’s fine to disagree, the OP asked for opinions and I don’t suppose she was expecting everyone to give the exact same one.

Do what right for you. Your older son is making his own way in the world - there's no need to keep a bedroom for him until he's 50.