Today I was told I have cancer. I'm sat alone at home to digest the news

[Scaredandworried98]

DH has gone out, it was planned. He asked if I minded him going. DC don't knowl and are doing own things. I messaged a friend to suggest a chat but she isn't picking up. I had told her today was diagnoses day but she's forgotten. We all have busy lives. I'm not going to tell friends over a message. Im purposely not googling it. I feel helpless waiting for the next hospital appt. Waiting to find out more.

Just wanted a hand hold

I won't sleep tonight. Any recommendations for Netflix/prime binge sets ?

@boombang I pleased it's all worked out for you and you are happy. Your post didn't make me angry, ty for sharing

@Scaredandworried98 I’m sorry you are having such a rough time this morning and I hope you get the tablets you need to get through today.

This is going to sound combative versus what you have just said - and believe me I was the same. I was so bloody angry. Why me. I was too young / fit / whatever. I honestly thought I would go so mad I’d never be part of the real world again.

Whilst I was having a total meltdown in the hospital, my very no nonsense consultant said to me: you can deny this, you can fight against this, you can ask why me til you are blue in the face and the only thing it will do is make your life harder because it’s here and the only way out of this is through this.
Everyone and everything is set up to get you through this and you can roll with it or be dragged kicking and screaming.

Accept it. Be angry. Let it start to settle. Because you will find a way to deal with it and move through it.

When I was diagnosed I was told the average treatment to cure period was 3 years. It seemed like an eternity. I was determined I’d be done in a year.
20 years later I still have yearly check ups. And I’m glad I do because it allays any fears of it coming back.

Why be ashamed of it. If someone you loved, or even a stranger on the street said they had cancer, would you think less of them or would you feel deep compassion and empathy for them? So why not feel that for yourself? Why not allow others to feel it for you?

You haven’t lost the gym etc. It will be there for you when you are ready to rebuild.

Life has changed. It would have anyway - aging, events, general living changes every day. What we cling to as the normal to return to rarely exists that long anyway and we accept it.

It’s all so new, I knew you will think I sound mad / patronising / clueless. We have all been there. You will find a way through that feels less like the torture you are going through today.

💐

I'm sorry you are going through this awful illness.
When I was diagnosed with cancer the main point I was told DO NOT GOOGLE.
Take one day at a time.
But remember life is worth fighting for. Get counselling to help your mind.

There are a lot of positive posts on this thread and I'm sure there are a lot more in the world.

Why do you think all these things have finished. There will be nothing to stop you from socializing. When you say you see other people doing things, normal things, how do you know they haven't got a form of cancer. Statistically some of them will have and others will know someone who has.

My friend was open about her cancer (she had breast cancer and had a mastectomy) and although she felt shit during the treatment (chemo) we used to do all sorts of things together. From the mundane like shopping (she didn't want to drive for a while when she felt rough) to going to plays and concerts and the best was a 2 week holiday in Barbados. She would go to F1 grand prix in England and in Monte Carlo.

While you won't be able to do everything you used to do, there will be other things instead. Take all the little wins.

A couple of years ago I should have died from a combination of various problems: sepsis, pneumonia, the beginning of liver and kidney failure, TIAs and a massive internal haemorrhage. I had blood clots in both legs and the plastic surgeons took one look and said the right one is coming off and the left probably. They are still attached - win, the sepsis and pneumonia seen off with anti-biotics - win, haemorrhage had blood transfusion, they did CT scan but couldn't find the cause and it didn't recur - win, TIAs under control - win.

In addition to all this I was flat on my back, I couldn't sit up, never mind stand and walk and my goal was to be able to walk, on my own, to the toilet (because of total lack of mobility I was in continence pads). The day I did get to the toilet was a MASSIVE WIN. It was literally in the same room 6 feet from the bed (I was in a care home by now) but you would have thought I had just won the London Marathon. It took months and months of physio to learn to walk again. At least you won't have that problem. The various specialists I saw over my 3 months in hospital said it was a miracle I was still alive but I was determined to live, if for no other reason than to be as big a bloody nuisance to as many people as possible for years to come.

From what you say you are much younger than me and with lots to live for, not least to see your child grow up and have a family and become a granny - that's a goal to aim for and more fun that going to the toilet.

Don't give up, let your family and friends know because they will want to help you and support you. The more people you tell the easier it will become. The idea that people with be nudging each other and looking at you is all in your head. The last thing I would think when seeing a total stranger in the supermarket is "I wonder if they have cancer". I might think, "I wonder where they bought that jacket, top or pair of shoes" The more you let it take over your life to the exclusion of everything else the worse your mental health will get. This in turn will make everything worse than it needs to be.

Learn to lean on the people who love you and don't shut them out because they will want to help you. You say you don't want your husband to tell anyone, but he will need support so that he can support you.

OP, I mean this in a kind and loving way, but you are having a very extreme psychological reaction to your diagnosis, and I think you should seek help for that asap. Cancer is not shameful, and it's no longer life ending in the majority of cases. You need to hang on to that, and remember there won't be a single person around you whose lives haven't been touched by it in some way. You are very much not alone in a healthy world.

I also have cancer. My best advice is to compartmentalise. I honestly don't think about it until my hospital visits

Im having chemo and immunotherapy and honestly I've felt fine throughout and it seems to be working well. Try not to worry. Think of it as an inconvenience rather than an illness.

One in two of us will get cancer. How can that be shameful or embarrassing?

I shared with everyone and his dog. There was no judgement whatsoever. Just support.

Be angry, that fine, but you need to accept it’s happening however you feel about it. It’ll be miserable for a while, but more than likely it’ll be fine.

In the early days, I too concentrated on the small percentage that wouldn’t be fine. I too mentally wrote goodbye notes etc. But it will get easier. I promise.

@VeryHappyBunny I am so sorry to hear what you went through, but pleased you have come out the other side fit and well. You are def a fighter for sure.

Of course everything has finished socially. I will have another op soon. That's 6 weeks no gym/swimming, 2 weeks no driving and I'll be too sore and tender for going out out for a bit, day or eve. Then isolation after the radiation iodine stuff. I was told several rounds of this I cannot even hug my own DC or DH for possibly up to 7 days after each one (isolation info is from a cancer website, the only 1 time I have and will access such a website)

@Runsyd I know you mean well. But being told you have C kinda puts a death marker over you. That is enough to give anyone a total psychotic breakdown. And that is the way I am currently headed.

I just cannot help feel ashamed and embarrassed, I don't know why. That's how I feel and I cannot change it,

I need mental help. This has broken me, I've barely got up all weekend, there has been no point, Seeing other people happily go about their lives while I have this secret inside me, thinking ''you are fit and healthy and don't have C, I'm the only one in the group with C', the rest of you are all fine'. No thanks.

I have my CT scan this aftrenoon, if I can mentally get to it that is. I wont be going to the appt to get the results. DH can go to that and I will wait outside the room, for him to tell me.

OP, I think you need an urgent doctor's appointment for medication/mental health support.

@Scaredandworried98

I understand that you don't wish to join the forums on cancer at the moment, OP, but I wouldn't want you to be going through this alone.

The Samaritans are always there and you can e-mail them, if you prefer not to speak on the phone.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

For other support, I would ask whether the GP has local counsellors, who may be able to see you.

@Runsyd I know 😥

I really think you would benefit from some professional support OP. I had a close relative with thyroid cancer and although no cancer is good, it truly is one of the most treatable cancers with a very high survival rate, especially if you are under 75.

I'm not fully fit yet, about 70%ish, walking is still a struggle and stairs are definitely a challenge. I could still have a massive stroke and drop down dead, but I might not and that is the thing you need to think. Don't dwell on the negatives you need to look on the positive side of things. Right now it looks bleak but as time goes on things will get better. It is far too early for you to even begin thinking about giving up.

I spent 20 months in a care home, the most awful time of my life and tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since I escaped. It hardly seems real that I was there that long and I could write a book about how bad it was at the time. I knew that if I kept working at it, getting stronger and more able then I would be able to get out. It is debateable whether I was well enough to leave but I had the mental and physical strength to get out so I did. You too will be in a much better place sooner than you think, you must just believe that everyday is a day nearer to being well again.

I'm not saying that everything will be a bed of roses immediately, but good times will come again. I look back and am amazed at how I was then compared to how I am now and so will you.

I've got to leave for the scan in about 45 minutes. I can't do it. I can't go. I just can't. Im in panic mode. Someone help me plse.

Darling, I know you’re scared. This is not likely to be the death sentence you think it is. Thyroid cancer has one of the best survival rates/most successful treatment rates of all cancers. The surgery isn’t great, but it’s also not the worst surgery either. (Please don’t think I am being competitive, I am telling you this to express empathy…. at the moment I am on a heart transplant waiting list and very conscious of time and deterioration.) Please talk to your nurses and get some counselling to get someone to talk to. I think your anxiety is going to be the biggest enemy to your recovery.

@Scaredandworried98 I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

I just wanted to offer a little bit of advice on this message and your concerns about the dye. My little boy had to have a different scan that involved a contrast dye when he was a baby and didn’t react to it being injected at all so from that I can only assume that he didn’t feel anything or certainly nothing painful. I can’t imagine how scared you are feeling but do tell the doctors and nurses your concerns beforehand, I’ve found that they are really good at finding ways to minimise anxiety and make procedures as calm and comfortable as possible.

The worst part of being told you have cancer is the scans and diagnostics. Once that is over - and it is very quickly - then you have a plan to get treated and get well. The cancer you have has an excellent prognosis much as i totally get how your head is feeling.

When I had my diagnosis (at 44yrs for NHL) they offered me a counsellor to support me. I didn't do it though. Instead I did art therapy at my local hospice. It was all a bit weird but time flew and suddenly I was also being discharged.

I never think of it now but it was a tough gig at the time. Be kind to yourself and take each day slowly.

OP you need to go. You know that.

You have to go, for your children if nothing else. You can’t possibly know what you’re dealing with unless you go, please don’t cancel.

Being diagnosed with the C word is horrific, it is no wonder you’re feeling how you are, in fact I’d say it’s quite a normal reaction. There is support out there whenever you’re ready. One step at a time x

Hey @Scaredandworried98 , how are you doing? Could you or your husband ring the GP/have you been assigned a cancer nurse or similar you could contact? I have to say that I don't know what you're going through, but it really sounds like you need some help as it sounds as though it's really doing you in. I hope you got to your scan.

Please let us know that you went for the CT scan. I had 3 when I was in hospital for different things and they were all okay. I actually found them quite relaxing, I also enjoyed the MRIs and went to sleep but perhaps I am a bit weird. Once you have these tests the specialists know what they are dealing with and can sort out the best treatment plan for you. The sooner it is done the sooner you are on the way to recovery.

It is a good thing to be happening so embrace it for what it is and be happy that you are getting such a good service to help you fight this.

Did you manage to get there ?

hope you managed to make it
can Dh support you on these appointments

@Scaredandworried98 Did you manage to go for the scan? Been thinking about you all day

Hi @Scaredandworried98
I’m hoping you made the scan but if not, you can try again when you are ready. I was trying to remember last night the thing about the emotional aspect of being diagnosed with cancer and it came to me today that is the origin of the change curve. Many many people experience the emotions you are finding so challenging at the moment. I know you do not want to look at websites etc about cancer but perhaps looking up the Kubler-Ross change curve and reading about the emotional challenges of a diagnosis might help you start to understand how you feel?

Hi OP,

I'm back again to check how you're doing. If you remember me, I'm the one who has had thyroid cancer a few years back.

It sounds very much like as others have said, you are mentally really really struggling. Please know that most of the things you are talking about being finished, you will be able to do before very long at all. You will be able to do all of these things again

Thyroid cancer is unlike other cancers in the fact that you usually can remove most of it with surgery and then blast the tiny traces with a radioactive iodine pill that only affects the thyroid specific cells. IME during my time in the RAI room, I didn't notice any side effects at all. I was in there for 4 nights, showered twice daily and drank lots of water to flush out the radiation and was able to go home on the morning and with no restrictions at all - was even able to collect my little girl from school. I know that doesn't happen to everyone that way, but I had the highest dose of radioiodine and it happened to me.
Compared to what I see people with other types of cancer go through, and their more aggressive treatments, feeling dreadful and often losing hair etc, that treatment was largely uneventful.
That's not to say you won't be understandably feeling very scared and overwhelmed right now - but please be reassured that the radioactive iodine part is very much a non-event. You're in an isolation bedroom (with usually TV, internet connection and stuff to do in there) but the staff do open the door several times a day to bring you food and drinks at a safe distance. My DP visited me daily and sat behind a line in the doorway. They had special charts to figure out how long he could stay but honestly we never felt like the visits were cut short.