Today I was told I have cancer. I'm sat alone at home to digest the news

[Scaredandworried98]

DH has gone out, it was planned. He asked if I minded him going. DC don't knowl and are doing own things. I messaged a friend to suggest a chat but she isn't picking up. I had told her today was diagnoses day but she's forgotten. We all have busy lives. I'm not going to tell friends over a message. Im purposely not googling it. I feel helpless waiting for the next hospital appt. Waiting to find out more.

Just wanted a hand hold

I won't sleep tonight. Any recommendations for Netflix/prime binge sets ?

I think the hardest thing I had to do post diagnosis was telling my DS. I remember my DM ringing me with the news that she had cancer, I was late 20s, it was like my world had stopped turning. So with DS who was just 17 we waited until we knew enough to be able to answer questions.
I knew by his face just what he was going through. He chose not to tell anyone but his closest friends. My DH and DS became much closer and supported each other. One thing I did do was to go public on FB with family and friends I wanted to know. It was far easier than ringing everyone or risking Chinese whispers distorting everything. I asked that they supported my DH and DS and that I would update via FB when necessary so that DH didn’t have to repeatedly convey my status when people phoned.
i think that we picture ourselves going to pieces but I realised after the initial shock that you are helpless My sister gave me the best advice

1. cancer treatment is 80% waiting and 20% action
2. trust on your cancer team. they know what they are doing, your aunts cleaners friends mother may think that eating dandelion leaves cured her but in actual fact it was the aggressive chemo, surgery and radio combined that did the trick
3. healthy diets are for when you reach the other end. Believe me, I wouldn’t have thanked anyone for a veg smoothie mid treatment. My appetite disappeared due to stress initially. The first proper meal I ate was post surgery.

I am now rewatching all the box sets I went through during treatment. They were a distraction it absolutely nothing went in. In the end I tried to combine TV, scrolling and teaching myself to crochet. The sleepless nights were the worst in hindsight I should have asked my GP for meds

@Scaredandworried98 ❤️

I’m not sure what kind of cancer you have. But just wanted to say don’t put too much pressure on yourself about the healthy eating. A lot of cancer treatments impact your appetite. I had most of my colon removed after bowel cancer and ate the beige diet of a toddler during chemo as it’s all I could manage. I lost 17 kg so my dietitian’s advice was eat whatever you can manage! The booze will likely take care of itself, I had no interest in alcohol during chemo.

Your DH is probably in a bit of shock and will likely kick himself for going out and leaving you tonight. Let him know it was scary to have to deal with this alone. Hopefully he’ll sort himself out quick smart.

So sorry to hear this OP. You are not alone. I recently watched BBC's Ghosts on iPlayer and found it absolutely hilarious. Light hearted and feel good. Would also highly recommend Bosch as a good LA police drama! The main character grows on you. Also Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is great! Try to do things you enjoy and let people take good care of you. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Sorry to hear this. If it helps, when I was in a similar situation I leant more towards a ‘strong’ ‘clean’ diet. I actually remember feeling like I just really needed to do this, so it wasn’t too hard. So upping the protein (I started eating meat again, am back to vegetarian now), being sensible on carbs, quality varied vegetables, more water, vitamins. I also actively tried to reduce other stresses, some meditation and better sleep. My consultant also sent me to a class to help with relaxing, I think it was primarily for pregnant folk. Finally MacMillan were amazing at helping me work out what to say to people and how to deal with their varied reactions (the latter was a bit of a shock). Phone them today if you feel you can.

I'm not doing great at all. We went out with friends last night. I sat the whole night thinking the rest of them don't have cancer, just me. The friends don't know. I've not told them. It felt like a dirty shameful secret. To top it all, there were mcmillan posters all over the pub as they has been collecting. It felt so in my face "you've got cancer". I held it together all night then screamed in tears when we got home. My eyes and face are so puffy today.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/5059016-cancer-support-thread-94-sweetness-and-light-the-two-noblest-of-things?page=8&reply=137035833

Pop over here, it’s a wonderful place full of support, humour and kindness OP.
i’m a lurker on it 🤗

Sending you much love @Scaredandworried98

It is very early days for you. You are still trying to get to grips with what it all means. Once you have a better understanding of what type of cancer you have and how to deal with it and what processes you will be going through you will be able to tell close friends. You will need their help and support in the weeks and months to come. You will get different reactions from them, some you might not expect, but don't turn down offers of help. Some of it might be practical or it might be a shoulder to cry on.

You will go through the whole gamut of emotions, it is all part of the process. Accept them all as they come along. There are no hard and fast rules about how you will feel.

Once you start treatment and meet other people going through the same thing as yourself you will realise you are not alone. The ones who are further along their treatment will have all sorts of knowledge that they may well want to share with you. The information the professionals have is invaluable, but it is not the same as experiencing it first hand.

I remember walking around Sainsbury’s thinking all these people are going around doing their normal thing and here I am worried I might be dying.

I definitely catastrophised but here I am 10 years later absolutely fine.
Get some sleeping tablets to help you short term.

Please don’t feel compelled to join the cancer support threads just yet. There is so much support but there is also a lot of really scary stuff that you may not be ready for yet.
I belong to a couple of breast cancer support pages on Facebook but I didn’t join until after I had started treatment. I’m glad I waited because there is such an information overload.
Once you start treatment you have so many questions, on the support sites no question is too stupid and there is always someone who will answer.
You can really open up about your fears. These groups are private and only fellow cancer sufferers are allowed to post. There are strict rules about promoting non medical treatments so you are not bombarded with diets or rubbish.
All the members are or have travelled your journey. Humour is encouraged which may be uncomfortable for non cancer posters.
I drop back in occasionally and I post my annual screening results ( most do). During treatment in the darkest moments seeing posts from women who were clear of cancer 2,3,4, and 5 yrs on was a massive boost.
My DSis who was diagnosed at 33 and is now 23 yrs cancer free was also a big reassurance.
Once you become NED ( no evidence of disease) people tend to move away from support sites. This tends to screw the numbers who have recovered. People only tend to look for support when their cancer is ongoing.
Take your time to process the diagnosis. Organise a time to tell your family, maybe wait until you are just about to start treatment. If you have DC who are still in education it is ideal now they are in summer holidays. They have time to process it. My DS was nearly 17 and just about to start 6th form. He coped but it did have a massive impact on his A levels. It didn’t help when 2 mnths after I completed treatment my DH had a stroke.
I hate that it had a detrimental affect on his education but he has grown up rapidly and is much less self centred than the majority of teenagers. We encouraged him to have a gap year, I was concerned that being away from home after he had mental health problems during the pandemic. He assured me that after the last few years he values life far more than he did. He has learned to deal with emotions healthily.
You will get through it. Do your own thing. Don’t be pushed into being jolly or optimistic. Positive thinking is absolute bullshit. Hope is good and humour helps.
I didn’t need chemo in the end but I did a lot of research on wigs just in case. I didn’t do any research re surgery, despite being an HCP, my surgeon was a bit surprised when I asked some very basic questions on the day of surgery. She assumed that I knew what the procedure involved. I have since watched videos.
I did google but mainly on Google scholar which filters out the crap. I was interested in the stats and prognosis.
I am lucky to have a cancer that over 90% of people survive. And although we hear of plenty who die of breast cancer it is generally years after their original diagnosis. If I survive as long as my DSis then I’m more likely to die of old age. In addition many breast cancer sufferers live much longer with modern treatments.
So much has changed over the last 20yrs and you need to remember that survival stats are based on historic treatment not the latest ones. We are the future stats.

OP when I found out bout my kidney cancer I didn’t tell my family and only a few close friends and work because I’d need time off.

My oldest sister had stomach cancer and was very poorly so I didn’t say anything until a week before my op. My family couldn’t believe I’d kept it from them but I had no symptoms and my sister was everyone’s priority. I didn’t need to add to the worry. Plus, I needed to “ignore it” whilst waiting for dates for the op and treatment.

I also had those moments where I felt everyone else was fine and here was me with this awful secret.

OP, tell people when you’re ready and know that we are all rooting for you in here. Sending hugs for when you need them. X

How you doing @Scaredandworried98 ?

@noname99 absolutely rubbish. I'm in hell. DH had to scrape me off the floor at 1am, I was screaming and wailing. My eyes were so puffy i could barely open them. Thoughts of planning my own funeral. Writing goodbye notes. I can't bear to read the C word. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to have this.

My world has collapsed and my heart is broken.

@wish that sounds an awful ordeal. I hope everything is working out for you and your sister. Sending hugs back to you xx

would you like to tell us what type? There will be others here who have had the same. Or go to the cancer thread and talk to them there. And ring the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to. They will listen and not give advice.

Oh shit. That’s sounds really tough for you. I am not going to write any rubbish about knowing how you feel because I don’t or reassuring you because I can’t.
But I do know one thing and that is there is no right or wrong way to feel. Stupid movies where people get devastating new and heroically deal with it whilst raised gazillions and saving the amazon are just that …. Movies. They aren’t real. That’s never what happens.
You can feel however you feel and should never feel embarrassed or ashamed.
No one wants a life threatening diagnosis. No one is prepared for it and it’s a total mind fuck when it happens.

So sorry you are going through this ..

My advice - whatever you feel is ok. .. I have a couple of friends surviving from cancer - one cut out sugar - the other meat .. so definitely look at what can help ..it will give you something to focus on that you can control .

Do you have questions ? Write them down as they pop into your mind then you can ask at next appointment ..

@boombang it's thyroid cancer. I couldn't ring anyone as they more than likely wouldn't be able to understand me through the sobbing and crying. I would probably be hysterical.

@Scaredandworried98

if you need another distraction, I'm willing to let you come & clean my house.

I'm so sorry that you have cancer. I hope it's treatable & you recover well xx

im also sorry DH has gone out & your friend hasn't (or hadn't) replied.

I find Hudson & Rex good for distraction without too much effort.

The Olympics are pretty good, there's so much on. But I love watching pretty much any sport (except boxing/wrestling type stuff)

Breaking Bad is good if you haven't already seen it.

there are a lot of dramas on player.

Are you at home tomorrow or do you have to go to work? Can you call in & tell them you need a few days off?

I want to run away from all this and smash up my phone so I can't receive any more NHS letter's/appts/messages. I don't want to be part of any of this medical shit.

If it helps you can email the samaritans instead, it takes a day or so to get a reply, but it is someone to talk to if you need it.

My cancer isn't thyroid, so hopefully someone else will be able to tall you about their experiences and hopefully reassure you. My experiences with cancer have been unpleasant but not terrible. Inconvenient and annoying more than anything

I think how you feel is totally understandable. I’d want to opt out too. It’s so absolutely unfair this has happened to you.

@Scaredandworried98

lovely, WHY are you embarrassed & ashamed to have cancer??

Even if you feel you have smoked, consumed a lot of alcohol & not eaten very healthily cancer is roulette. Plenty who do these things don't get cancer & plenty who live very 'cleanly' do. Theres NOTHING to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.

tell your friends xx

@boom I hope you are getting the treatment you need and all is going well.

I feel so very ashamed and embarrassed to say I have C. I don't want my name and that word written in the same sentence. I want as few people to know as possible. Parents/work and a few friends only. Work will be fine
I don't know if I'll work tomorrow. I WFH FT. But what else would I do if not working? There is now nothing else and no point. Usually, if just at home then I'd give the house a good clean/tidy or bake or sort life admin or just potter. I could spend hours pottering. But I have no interest in any of this now. I just sit/lay and stare into nothing