Today I was told I have cancer. I'm sat alone at home to digest the news

[Scaredandworried98]

DH has gone out, it was planned. He asked if I minded him going. DC don't knowl and are doing own things. I messaged a friend to suggest a chat but she isn't picking up. I had told her today was diagnoses day but she's forgotten. We all have busy lives. I'm not going to tell friends over a message. Im purposely not googling it. I feel helpless waiting for the next hospital appt. Waiting to find out more.

Just wanted a hand hold

I won't sleep tonight. Any recommendations for Netflix/prime binge sets ?

My son is 10 years on from thyroid cancer. Had the treatment and is absolutely fine

I stupidly googled follicular thyroid c (aka FTC). shit, fuck. I am now in a panic, a huge panic. I cannot face what the scan results might be, when they come

@Boredmum24 that is great news. so pleased for him and you x

This is said with love, understanding and compassion - stop Googling! I don't know where you were looking but FTC is eminently treatable with high survival rates. Goodness knows what rabbit hole you took yourself into!

If you are struggling mentally then leave Dr Google alone. That is something you ARE in control of and CAN do.

Do what you can, when you can. Take your diazepam and anti depressants, and wait and see what YOUR doctor tells YOU. That's all that matters.

Take care x

A fellow "cancer patient" here (no, I've not got it either - they removed it). I don't like being called that either. It's shit. I never knew what fear was before all this. But, you have got through the scans (diazepam + propanolol did it for me). Waiting for results is horrific and it is totally normal to worry about the worst possible outcome - it's all down to how our brains develop and adrenaline and cortisol (have I remembered that one correctly?) flood our system. Please please please step away from Google. I know you don't want to consider Macmillan (neither did I - it felt so final) but if you have a Maggie's near you, please just pop your head in. You don't need to have cancer to be there, they do help patients, but they also help families, friends, even work colleagues, anyone with a link to cancer. The NHS had a five month wait for me to see a psychologist - two days via Maggie's. They are a charity, but everything is free to use, even if you just want a quick brew between appointments.
https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/ You can sit on your own, talk to a volunteer (about anything) or someone who works for them as they do drop ins.

Your reaction is strong, but not unusual. You can get through this. You will have a life afterwards. It may not be what you had, but it may be better. I went from not being able to exercise, to getting a black belt. I've just booked the holiday of a lifetime to make memories with the kids in case the bugger comes back. At the moment, this may seem a way off for you, but if this fat and frumpy 51 year old today, mum of two stroppy teens can do it, so can you. Sending very un-mumsnetty hugs.

Op, you are getting there. Try not to look at the whole picture. Focus’s on getting through diagnosis, then work towards surgery. Then it’s onto the radio and maybe chemo.
Trying to deal with all of it at once is too much to take in, I was diagnosed in July2021 but it was Dec before I had the definitive diagnosis ( when all the results were in) at which point I could see beyond the cancer. But the biggest relief was straight after surgery, removing the b@st*rd tumour is a big psychological step. I didn’t have to have chemo and radio was adjunctive ( mop up any rogue cells). I have to take Anastrazole ( a whole different type of hell) I call it my do or die tablet, it reduces my risk of recurrence significantly by nearly 50% so without it I my risk is much higher. Interestingly it also appears to reduce the risk of other cancers so a bit of a bonus.
To add insult to injury my DH had a stroke 2 months after I finished treatment so life changed for us regardless of my cancer.

It is easy for those of us who are through to the other side to reassure and empathise with you but to be honest we all felt the same as you at the start and didn’t believe that life goes on. I focussed on my DH and DS, having been through it with my mum I knew how my DS was feeling, it’s really hard for them to to go through it because they don’t feel that they can be sad and worried. They see themselves as cheerleaders and fixers. Make sure that you give them space to process it all. I remember keeping a lot from my mum, when she found out she was annoyed, she said that cancer didn’t stop her being my mum. I spent a lot of time with DS through treatment, the week after surgery I was stood on the side lines when he was playing rugby. I made sure that life was normal for him. DH was great, but then he always had been. He knows how fiercely independent I am and didn’t wrap me up in cotton wool. He did talk about it all and let me talk about the what ifs and my fears. He also told me that he was giving me 6 months, that way if the news was bad he was prepared and anything else was brilliant news. He was obviously joking but he knew from my mums cancer journey that being over positive is just annoying.

Right. I feel you are now using medical terminology to terrify yourself. MOST thyroid cancer is either follicular or papillary cancer (these forms are also known collectively as differentiated thyroid cancer). MOST patients with differentiated thyroid cancer are cured. Please tell yourself this.

@Fraaahnces ty. I know you are only trying to help me. But MOST, you say. My consultant told me 80-90% of thyroids he removes are begnin. I was the 10-20% not begnin. What if I'm not in the MOST category too ?

Currently sat on the sofa bawling my eyes out.

This won't help you, just make you feel more crap. Don't even think about the figures, you can prove anything you want to with figures - good or bad. When something says "up to 100%" it can be any figure from 0%-100%, it is meaningless.

To take my mind off things I do on-line sudoku, either hard or expert. You really need to concentrate, it takes me 20-30 mins on average because I'm not very good but when I finish it there is a real sense of achievement. Mind you I'm not a high achiever in the first place and generally easily pleased. The one I do has a league and the top 10 get "medals". I have got 3 so far and you'd think I had got a first from Oxford.

Try to get back into work mode as soon as you can. The routine will be good for you but if you really can't manage that at least get out of the house and into the sunshine, the warmth on your back makes you feel better and the vitamin D is good for lifting your mood.

You really need to start talking to your family and friends because keeping this to yourself isn't working for you is it? You've got to let people help you. By bottling this up you will make things worse because you already have enough to deal with, without having a total meltdown on top.

I agree that it’s time to get some real life support from someone you trust @Scaredandworried98

Not telling anyone doesn’t mean it’s not true, but you know that.

Who could you ring tonight?

There are two ways you can tackle this- the easy way or the hard way. Of course I don't mean easy as in simple, but you are making things much more difficult for yourself with all this fixation on worst case scenarios.

You have a diagnosis.
You will have all the scans you need.
You will have a treatment plan.
You have anti anxiety medication.

You are actually in a better position than you were a few weeks ago when you didn't even know you had cancer - that could have gone on untreated.

You need to let everything else go and find a way to cope on a daily basis. People have made suggestions, but you just seem to be batting them away and then coming back and saying how you are crying and upset. I am really and truly sorry you feel like that, but there's nothing anyone here can do if you won't take suggestions of outside help seriously.

It's entirely your choice, but you can either cry your way through this, or try to take a bit of control back. It's tough, but that's what it boils down to.

But No one can help. I can talk until I am blue in the face. I will still have cancer. I still won't be cured. I will still be potentially facing a death sentence. I really don't see the point in talking to anyone. The issues will still be there. Today. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Christmas. I will still have it. I could Finish talking to someone tonight. We could have been chatting all night. Then I'll be alone and back to crying again. I'm not being stubborn. I just don't see the use in talking. I'll be voicing my worst fears. That sounds worse than just thinking them

@Apolloneuro I have friends and family I can call. Only 2 friends know about it. But i don't want to burden them with my embarrassing bawling.
I'll probably take myself off somewhere later when it's dark and the DC are home and fed etc

Would you feel like your friend was burdening you, if the roles were reversed? Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in need x

I agree with all of this! I couldn't see the point in talking to anyone as it wouldn't alter the fact I had invasive breast cancer and needed a radical mastectomy followed by treatment. Yes, talking wouldn't have changed anything (and nothing would) so I just had to get my head round it and, with or without chemical assistance, accept the diagnosis....if I didn't? Well, there weren't many choices, were there, and the same applies to you. Accept whatever tablets will calm you and numb your feelings and then hand the responsibility for your treatment plan to your experienced medical team, good luck my lovely xx

OP, I was you just over 4 years ago. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer which is also very treatable. I couldn't let myself believe that though. All I could think about was that it was certain that I was in the minority of patients who did have the worst outcome.

It was debilitating; I couldn't function, it was all I thought about and I was a mess. In the end I realised that IF I did have precious little time left, I was making that time really miserable for myself. I made myself confront my fears, got some support and I got through it. Please go and see your Dr, get some anti anxiety medication and do talk about it, you will feel better if you do. This too will pass.

@Scaredandworried98 you know yourself best xxx

I’m just popping this here, in case you fancy looking at it later. No pressure. How you manage this diagnosis is one thing you do have control over x

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/how-cancer-make-you-feel/managing-your-emotions

OP As I mentioned in my earlier reply - you need to change your mindset. Have you always been a negative person? Do you always see the worse side of any issue or problem? I'm trying to get a handle on how you were as a person before this came about. You are quite rightly, still in shock about your diagnosis - but you have an advantage that others may not - in that you can have an operation and you can have treatment. You won't be perfect like you were before cancer but none of us were ever perfect anyway.
Putting it bluntly, there is one thing we can all be sure of and that we all have a use by date!! How we live our lives is down to us. I've been where you are - and not been much better than a soggy puddle in the middle of the floor - railing against the unfairness of it all! But even after treatment - was not given the all clear - just told to go out and live life.
People who get cancer are just unlucky - you have not been evil or eaten the wrong bread or drunk the wrong coffee or whatever. The human body is a weird and wonderful piece of biological engineering - just like a car it can go wrong!The statistics are - that one in two people will be affected by cancer - if you watch the TV adverts - you - like myself were one of the unlucky ones. It's the luck of the draw - some you win and some you don't.
You say you don't want to voice your fears but how is that any worse than keeping it to yourself all the time? You need to say it out loud - scream it - if you have to but you can't stay quiet about it. You are right now in denial - that's okay - we all do that! But you will need to accept at some point that yes you have cancer. No cancer is good but there is much that can be done to treat it.
You have to get on board with your treatment and be reliant on yourself to get through the treatment as you are the one going through it all and lean on anyone and everyone around you to support you while you kick this thing into oblivion.
You are right that they can't help the fact that you have cancer but they can help in anyway that you let them.

What area are you ?
If we are close we can meet for a coffee?

Hi again,

I totally understand what you are saying and how your feeling, as a survivor of thyroid cancer myself who has been through it.

Before at the start when you said 'cancer' I felt much more concerned until you said it was thyroid cancer tbh. At that point I felt a little relieved on your behalf because, although I was in fact petrified in your position at the time, I do realise that it tends to be a very slow growing and very treatable cancer. That's because I have the benefit of a lot of time and distance from when I was in the thick of it myself.
I then thought back to how every single doctor and consultant telling me it was "the good cancer to get" and telling me about the very high survival rate was absolutely no comfort then whatsoever, how I cried every single day until the day of my thyroidectomy, how I worried about leaving my children without a mum. I had forgotten that feeling and got that I apologise.
But although it is very scary when you are in the thick of it, I do now realise that they are somewhat correct and thyroid cancers are very treatable, particularly the types that can be treated with removal and radioiodine treatment and blood tests (this is despite recent NICE guidelines telling medical people to stop telling people it's the 'best' cancer to get, as this is just not very sensitive or helpful at the time).

Yes it is very scary at the moment, but you would be surprised how many of us walk the earth without a thyroid and barely give it a thought for the rest of their (normal longevity) lives.

You will get through this! You will look back on how far you have come.

It's true talking about your feelings will not change the cancer. However, there are people out there who can help with how you feel about it. How it swirls round your head and constantly taunts you. I know I banged on about Maggie's earlier, but I have just done their stress management course (after several sessions basically vomiting my fears to their psychologist) and it has taught me how the brain works, how it reacts and amazingly as I was in such a dark place and did not think it was possible, how to question those thoughts and stop them in their tracks. I didn't think that was EVER possible. I can't say I'm 100% at the skill yet, but I'm a work in progress. If you still want to resist someone who wants to help you and not seek outside help, and you are stuck on Google, try searching"unhooking thoughts", "the worry tree", "grounding" to start with. They may help you see there is a way out of the darkness you are understandably feeling.

If I was allowed to drive, I would offer to meet up with you (assuming you are somewhere in England!) as I already know where you are in your head, and I could be there to hold your hand.

I had breast cancer 13 years ago and I remember feeling like this at first. I refused to talk to the nurses (they weren’t much help anyway). Because I just wanted someone to tell me I wasn’t going to die and they couldn’t. I didn’t want therapy. My DH went to Maggies with my very young kids (he found it very helpful- maybe yours would too?). I didn’t want to do any of the ‘cancer groups’.

This is the worse time for you. I would wake up in the middle of the night crying and panicking and to be honest nobody could help.

What helped was time and working out how to get through it my own way. I had a wonderful oncologist and breast surgeon who were amazing. I hope you have a good team around you.

I had diazepam when I was having chemo and that helped. But I was a mess a lot of the time.

Nobody really understands unless they have been given a cancer diagnosis.

I also remember being cross when told the statistics 90% of people with breast cancer survive for 5/10 years. I remember thinking ‘I’m 34, I’d quite like to live a lot longer than 5-10 years!’