New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

Exactly

This is awful, truly awful OP and grounds for a complaint. Pp's suggestion of countertransference is plausible- especially given the cryptic comment about you being important to him. It could also be a business reason- he doesn't want to reserve a space for you in case a 'better' (from a business perspective) client comes along ie someone who can afford & wants a lot of sessions/long term work. But that's still no excuse - if that's the case he should have been honest that he doesn't allow clients to reserve spaces. Please don't let this put you off therapy OP! So sorry this has happened to you

I once had a therapist I began to get a bit dependent on. As the second course of treatment was coming to an end we discussed in therapy the issue of dependency and would it be best for me to bring things to a close etc.
Maybe OPs therapist tried to do this and it wasn't well received. Maybe he's just a shit therapist. Who knows

OP perhaps another therapist or even type of therapy would offer a fresh outlook and kickstart another bout of progress.

Can you give an example of the kind of ways you'd felt you'd made progress and what kind of things you wanted to work on more? (Vaguely I mean, not asking for you to tell all your personal life stuff on here). Maybe you could share what kind of therapy it was (if you know) and what aspects you liked/disliked about it.

As an example, I did person centred counselling a few times and found a lot of healing in the "unconditional positive regard" aspects and in feeling validated and heard. If challenged a lot of core beliefs I had. But I'd always hit a wall eventually and didn't know where to go. Once therapy finished I always felt I went backwards a bit. I tried CBT and hated it so I was very sceptical of any of the more solution-focused or practical therapies. For me IFS was the absolute Goldilocks of therapy which worked so well for me.

Could you maybe see this as an exciting opportunity to try it again with someone else doing things slightly differently? Maybe they'll offer another fresh outlook that will be very helpful.

OP you would never have known he was lying if you hadn't stalked him from a different account!

Nothing said about being overly dependent,

My previous therapist , in the last session it ended on a difficult note, (due to a misunderstanding ) but when I addressed this in a follow up email he agreed to a session to just "concluded" things and it was very helpful, for us both.

But he obviously has availability. I wouldn't interpret 'not having availability' as 'i don't ever want to work with you again'. It's his responsibility to ensure his client understands what exactly he meant. Therapy isn't a place for beating around the bush out of politeness or shame. Because it isn't polite but avoidant and that in itself is an issue.

OP you would never have known he was lying if you hadn't stalked him from a different account!

For me I prefer the truth , not second guessing ,did my email get though ? , is he unwell ? etc

Tbh a single email to confirm that he has space but not for me isn't staking , it's confirmation ,that's all

Exactly this.

Some of the posters on this thread seem to think that the OP must be wrong/ dense/ mad just because she's someone who goes to therapy.

This isn't just a date or acquaintance misleading her. Therapist is a responsible job with strong ethical standards, because undergoing therapy puts you in a vulnerable position. This therapist has not lived up to those standards.

If a therapist is saying one thing but meaning another just to avoid a difficult conversation then that a bit shit tbh

So grateful for this comment. These things and transference really need to come out in therapy WITH the therapist.

I think a lot of hobby psychologists or people who have never been to therapy comment.

The therapist puts boundaries in place. They can say 'i don't respond to emails between sessions unless it's an emergency'. It doesn't forbid the client to email. This may be necessary for ppl with a certain type of attachment. You shouldn't be expected to only show healthy attachment as a client because what would be the point of therapy!!

I agree with this and I'm sorry that you've had people piling on to gleefully give you a kicking for your very understandable reaction to his unprofessional and damaging behaviour.

So this was another therapist? How did that end on a difficult note?

As a therapist myself sometimes we meet clients we feel have out stretched our knowledge or clinical skills. Sometimes it is just better for them to try with someone else. Also attachment issues can start to occur after multiple times in therapy. I think the therapist is trying to do you a favour op and is encouraging you to try someone else who may be able to offer you something this other therapist couldn't. It is quite likely he hadn't wanted to share this with you so said he was full and provided you with some other therapists he trusts and know would offer you a new perspective etc. I'm not sure it's too healthy to keep going back to the same therapist over and over as we only know what we know, we can't suddenly start working in different ways so if the initial episode of therapy wasn't enough it does suggest a different perspective would be beneficial 😁

I think it was / is unprofessional, I don't think a client should have to "read between the lines"

Any good therapist would pull a client up on this shit.

I think really that you would have read anything into the lines as long as it supported your internal narrative

i dont think you would accept any answer or explanation except for the one you want, and all this is just a construct to support that.

you need to be able to move on from these setbacks in life - yes it feels shit, yes it feels unfair but you can choose to dwell and fester or you can choose to move on towards better mental health. The reaction and emotion and behaviour is not proportionate to what happened as you recount it.

More than happy to be told that he felt we had reached the end of our relationship, just being for me , lied to that I find not useful

Can I ask why exactly you are commenting? How do you think you are being helpful?

Have you learnt any coping strategies in therapy that may help you now to deal with your feelings of rejection?

I'm really sorry this happened as you were obviously not clear of what he actually meant. I'd find this really difficult too.

Why can’t I comment? Because I am giving a perspective that’s different? I have acknowledged how difficult this is for the OP. I just see a different interpretation of things

I will look out for another therapist , once I've saved up enough, and will ask that hey are always very clear with me , even if that will hurt my feelings , I can, and have , processed some very difficult emotions ,

I have acknowledged how difficult this is for the OP

No, you really haven't

ah there it is

good luck with your next therapist, I wish you peace - god knows you need it