New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

As someone who is a therapist. I'm wondering if the therapist picked up on dependency issues and this is their way of maintaining boundaries. It seems as though he was firm but fair. He may not have responded to your emails for all kinds of reasons, but recognised your anxiety when you went to the trouble of using another account to email him.
He may also just been an inexperienced therapist.
What type of therapy were you having?

many , many thanks for the thoughtful and helpful posts.

I am very much looking at this as a failing on his part, at the very least a badly handled exit.

This thread has shown the best , and sadly worst , than MN has to offer. The massive assumptions are not helpful , neither the dissecting of minute details in and out of context manner.

I think the "before therapy" me would have focused on this as my fault , "what did I do wrong" and would have used this as an example to hold onto to never try therapy again. But I will seek out a different therapist, as soon as funds allow.

On of the major themes I was addressing in therapy was the fact that in many areas of my life I dont have a voice , that my wants and needs are ignored. Is is rather saddening that I can now add my therapist to this list.

Good for you for having such a positive take on this.
I truly mean that. It shows how far you have come.

That's not true. I personally know therapist who teach, run workshops, volunteer, etc and fully booked till next year.

Again, just my experience of therapists, and the ones who only work as therapists.

I think commenting 82 times on your own post is somewhat overdoing it, demonstrating the need for some kind of talking therapy
I suggest you find someone new and let the original chap go.

You seem to have swung from insecurity to entitlement though.

He doesn't owe you more sessions and has the right to stop treating you whenever he likes. For whatever reason he wants.

It's all good getting to a point in life where you recognise that other people's choices are not necessarily a reflection on you.

But I don't actually think you are there yet otherwise you wouldn't have become so fixated on this.

Perhaps he could have handled letting you go better. But it is you in the wrong for not taking "no" for an answer.

I think he was right to call time considering on how you've behaved subsequently and the fact that even after this, and countless people on here telling you the contrary, you still think you have a moral highground.

You don't. You're behaving obsessively. And frankly, narcissisticly.

Leave the man alone.
No means no.

Omg can the OP not even post in her own thread without someone snidely implying it to be a sign of mental health difficulties and referring to seeking therapy as a negative thing.

What is the actual intention?

I wonder if you wouldn't consider just getting the thread deleted now OP.

Yes the worst of MN. Not entirely surprising, relational aggression reigns high sometimes, but still.

Quite. Good example of how MN is just as bitchy as Tattle (being talked about on another thread.)

"But it is you in the wrong for not taking "no" for an answer"

Ah...sigh..... If he'd actually SAID no then I would not have had any issues. And it is not professional of a therapist to give ambiguous messages. It is not up to the client to guess what the therapist means.

Most of my replies have been pointing out the actual facts to posters who are determined to create thier own narrative.

You're missing the issue entirely.

Of course he isn't obliged to continue therapy. OP has accepted that from the off.

But clear communication is essential from a therapist. Think about. The patient's emotional or psychological wellbeing is the very thing they're being paid to help with. The therapist's behaviour can have a big effect proportionally. Same as good boundary keeping.

This has fallen short of the mark leaving the OP reeling somewhat.

He should have wound down the sessions before the last one so therapy came to a natural end point, with the clear understanding that the next steps would be finding someone else if she required further therapy. If this was due to availability, fine, he should have answered her email confirming yes or no. If not, if it was because he didn't wish to continue for another reason, he should have explained that (in a very abridged way if necessary but still making it clear he was unable to continue with her, it was not a capacity issue).

He had a duty of care that he hasn't fully seen through which has had an impact on the client. Yes OP needs to leave him now and manage this, possibly using tools she has learnt in therapy, but it doesn't make her 'narcissistic' or entitled, to be thrown for a loop.

My daughter saw a therapist for several years and he behaved extremely erratically, cancelling at short notice, not turning up, gaslighting her. It's a complex, long story but anyway I felt unable to complain (he had our address and he was already being creepy towards her) but I understand that you can complain. Your therapist will be a member of a counselling body and they will have a complaints procedure.

If you accessed the therapist via a third party you can complain to them too.

Some therapists have a God complex. I'm sure ours did. They behave badly because they can. This therapist may be working out his own stuff on you. It is unfair I know. All I can say is that we have had a lot of experience of therapists over the years (my daughters are adopted) and about half the therapist we saw I would say had issues and acted unprofessionally. I would say it's not unusual and to just find someone new

@HowMuchShouldBePaid

@J97King
Sorry thought hear you daughter was let down so badly by someone who has such a position of trust

Sorry don't know how to remove my name from the top if this

She isn't doing full time therapy on a one to one basis then.

Nothing as bad as the above poster's DD's experience but I experienced an NHS CBT counsellor being super flaky, cancelling at short notice, talking each time about her personal issues (nothing inappropriate but I felt I had to nod and smile, sympathise and laugh wryly a lot which I wasn't really there to do) and eventually chopping the last session off without warning.

It didn't impact me much as it was only 6 sessions following physical illness so we hadn't gone into much personal detail but I still felt it was handled badly and unprofessionally and I didn't get much out of the therapy as well as yes, briefly wondering if it was somehow me.

Therapist's behaviour really matters

Sorry about your experience.

I've also seen a lot of therapists over the years (childhood abuse) and they've ranged the spectrum from great to odd to harmful.

'I'm all booked up' means no.

And if you hadn't gone about a bunch of underhanded behaviour messaging pretending to be someone else and just accepted the no, then you wouldn't have pissed yourself off about the fact that he lied as to the reason behind the it.

Frankly i don't blame him for not being straight with you. He probably assumed you wouldn't take no for an answer if he was either.

"I'm all booked up' means no."

And.then.told.me.he.had.space.next.year.

If I'm meant to just "know" that that means "no" then its very poor form from a therapist. especially one who is aware , from our sessions together, that I take things very literally.

This isn't a tinder date saying "we must do lunch"

Frankly i don't blame him for not being straight with you. He probably assumed you wouldn't take no for an answer if he was either.

A therapist has to be straight with their client. I repeat - has to. They don’t get an option to fuck around with the client, like the OP’s former therapist did with her. It is crazy you thinking he was justified being unethical.

Exactly this, I have made much more progress with a female therapist, they just "get it" ...

Sure he has and agree with all the above, but the OP is too invested in this rather resolving her issues. Her obsession with this is concerning.

Nope. Reread op.

Of course he isn't obliged to continue therapy. OP has accepted that from the off.

She has? Emailing using a fake account in an attempt to catch him out suggests not.

What's the date someone beat you to it. What do you think the op should do next?

From the start of the thread I meant.

But he did say he had availability later on.

Should she have left it when he didn't reply? Yes.

Would him being clear have been the correct way route in the first place? Definitely yes. Not saying the OP was a danger or intended to progress beyond one email but therapists have to safeguard themselves too and being unambiguous when ending treatment is a definite example where this needs to happen. 'yeah yeah I'm busy for the next year' really doesn't cut it.