New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

But that's implicit. He said he was unable to offer you any more appointments this year. He gave you the contact details of other therapists you could see.

He ended it.

But then offered to see me next year 🤦

What @DysonSphere said at 06.44 today is an example of how it should be done properly.

It’s irrelevant how many sessions they had together, it’s unacceptable him being unethical.

If you can't take a clear boundary, and respect it, then it is obvious why he may have felt he was not the therapist for you.

The whole point of this thread is that he DIDN'T give me a clear boundary .

I’m totally with you on this OP and whilst you have a lot of people supporting you here, there’s also a load of people time themselves in knots, trying to defend the therapist and heaping all sorts of shame and blame on you. You won’t be able to change their minds, you don’t have to engage with them. It’s alright just to ignore them. I’ve been at the bottom of an Internet pileup once before and it’s a hideous experience, it’s absolutely fine to step away if you want to

Well, I think he did. And clearly he thinks he did.

It's a moot point. For whatever reasons, he no longer wants to be your therapist, and has given you suggestions for alternative therapists.

Well, I think he did. And clearly he thinks he did.

He lied to her about his availability, don’t know why you’re not getting that.

can we just get the sodding therapist on here?!

This is farcical now…

To say you are really busy with work, when you don't want to go on another date with someone; to say you are all booked up and can't decorate your friend's new house; or in this case to say you have no further appointments this year - these are all social niceties, or white lies, designed to protect the recipient from unnecessary hurt. And also to protect the rejector from possible blowback.

The OP says she would rather have the truth. I suspect she wouldn't.

No that’s what you say to a date or a friend.
NOT, and I’m going to say NEVER, to a client who is seeing you in therapy.
There is no ‘protecting feelings with a white lie’ there going on. This is a therapist that needs more training/supervision in how to handle tricky cases. Because letting a client down is that way is highly unprofessional.

And I dint mean that the OP is tricky either btw.
But sometimes you just don’t gel. If this happens between a therapist and a client, then there is a need for a discussion around that. Around the fact that particular therapist isn’t the best person to help.

@HowMuchShouldBePaid your therapist was shit. That’s it.
Don’t think twice about the way they acted. It says nothing about you but everything about them.
Oh and they need supervision very badly.

"To say you are really busy with work, when you don't want to go on another date with someone; to say you are all booked up and can't decorate your friend's new house; or in this case to say you have no further appointments this year - these are all social niceties, or white lies, designed to protect the recipient from unnecessary hurt. And also to protect the rejector from possible blowback."

It's not acceptable behaviour from a THERAPIST!!

So back to the OP...

If you're not familiar with the different types of therapy, then google that term and look for that and your issue in an online directory such as this one - www.counsellingdirectory.org.uk Personally I would want someone who's qualified from a BACP accredited course. Don't bother with anyone who doesn't have supervision. What can also help - and I speak from experience as both a client and therapist - is a taster session (although not many do this), but all do a preliminary phone or video call where they explain how they work and ask if you have any questions. Also if you have any goals in mind then articulate them at the beginning (what do you want to change?). After that it's really just about trial and error, feeling safe in the psychological sense, your gut feelings...the relationship is at the core of the work, after all.

But even if the issue was that you didn’t respect his boundaries, then he STILL needed to have a chat with you.

A chat about respecting boundaries, or a chat about why he isn’t the right practitioner for you. Whatever.

He handled it badly. Very very badly.

⬆️⬆️

And YY about the fact they have to have supervision!!

You sound like a perfect therapist for OP.
OP- here is the solution for you.

This is a great way of illustrating what therapy is all about. It's not a nicey-nicey friendship with platitudes and white lies. It's an opportunity for a client to experience an honest, respectful, authentic, and supportive relationship. Lying is incompatible with this. And yes, there's a possibility that the client might feel hurt or upset from having an honest discussion about an ending, even if it is well-worded and sensitively handled. But a therapist shouldn't be avoiding "blowback" by lying or fudging the issue.

Just as an aside, the therapist didn't even have the basic "good manners" to reply to her first two emails. In all likelihood this would all have been avoided with him using common courtesy, let alone "therapy skills".

your therapist was shit. That’s it.
Don’t think twice about the way they acted. It says nothing about you but everything about them.

OP was happy with her therapist: so much so that she wanted to work with him again. Not sure that telling her he was shit is helpful. She clearly thinks he was. If you're actually a therapist (I suspect you're not) @DullFanFiction , you might want to reflect a bit about that.

And still you're hung up on your old therapist and getting some kind of revenge and validation for your rage at him rather than getting a new therapist.

If you want a new therapist then look for someone who works with neurodiversity and ideally with rejection sensitivity. You want someone with extremely clear boundaries who will be very honest with you. Be very clear about what you are looking for in your email/telephone conversation with any potential new therapist. Mention your disappointment with your previous therapist. You may consider working with someone who specialises in EUPD. This is not to suggest in any way that you have that condition but it does require very clear boundaries, working with people who feel distress, and understanding attachment issues

I would also recommend that you are clear that you want open-ended therapy.

There are thousands of therapists so you shouldnt have any trouble finding the right one.

Counselling DIrectory
Psychology Today
BACP website
UKCP website
BPS

All have lists of therapists with particular specialisms and approaches. Speak to a few therapists before you decide on one. Also bear in mind that sometimes emails go astray and end up in junk mail, so it is not always the case that people are ignoring emails (although I'm not suggesting this is the case here).

So much bollocks on this thread. He's a therapist. Not an ascended saint.

We don't even know what sort of "therapist" he is. We don't know what happened in those sessions. We don't know his reasons for terminating the sessions. We don't know anything, other than what OP has told us - and part of what she has told us is she does not handle being told no very well.

"We don't know anything, other than what OP has told us - and part of what she has told us is she does not handle being told no very well."

Except I wasn't actually told "no" , was it implied , maybe , but why the heck should I have to figure out what my therapist is implying ?????

We don't even know what sort of "therapist" he is

I have given his qualifications more than once on this thread.

What I'm taking from this is that I'm an "ascended saint" as a therapist for not lying to my clients, and replying promptly and clearly to their emails. Snort! 😆 That's genuinely perked me up. Thank you @bananacreampie 😁

Find another therapist, that is the easiest course of action. There is no point having an inquest on the whys and wherefores of this one. Be mindful that a lot of them will be away, or going away soon, on holiday at this time of year, but you will hear back.

@menohnopausal 🙏😇🪽

Perhaps he meant he didn't have space specifically for you until the new year. Nothing personal, perhaps he thought it beneficial for you to take a break from therspy,particularly if you weren't making any headway. Or perhaps he found you a difficult/intense client to work with and so he needed a break from providing you with therapy, therefore he didn't have space for you till the new year. The expectation would be that most people would say ok, I'll get in touch nearer the time. Which is perhaps what he expected. And he then perhaps found the subsequent messages inappropriate and he was concerned that there was a level of intensity from you that he needed to step back from. But instead of getting in touch again nearer the time, you sneaked around, laying a trap to catch him out.

There must be some sort of underlying difficulties for you to have acted like this. Perhaps something that was apparent to the therapist.

I know it's hard but it really won't be anything personal. The therapeutic relationship has broken down now beyond repair; sneaking around setting up fake emails and posts about him on social media (mumsnet). It would be best to just draw a line under it and move on. All the best, I really do hope you find someone who is a good fit for you.

A list of initials and the statement it's not CBT don't really say much.

Whatever sort of therapy he offers, you seem dead keen to have the whole thread agree with you that he is a shit therapist, in which case, why would you want to carry on seeing him? (Rhetorical question.)