Human beings weren’t designed to be independent so why are we forced to be?

[Buttercupsandpoppys]

I always prided myself on being independent. From 18 I went to uni, got a job, bought a house on my own etc. Being so independent has always been important to me and is seen as such a virtue in society.

Yet now I’ve had 2 kids and a DP I’ve come to realise that actually humans are meant to be dependant on eachother. I’ve been very blessed with lots of friends/family and I’ve relied on them so much over these past 2 years since my first was born.

I’ve also had a realisation on what a breakdown in society we have. Due to encouraging independence we’ve also shamed people for being dependent (disabled, elderly etc).

But humans are not made to be independent. We NEED others. If we have illness we need someone medical to treat us. If we have a child we need someone to either physically look after them whilst we work or to provide so we don’t have to work and can physically look after them.
We need shelter so we need someone to employ us or if self employed then to use our service.

Humans literally need other humans. But it’s drummed into us to never be dependent.

I’m currently on mat leave with my second baby and the amount of struggling mothers I’ve met at playgroups that don’t have any support outside of their DP is so sad.
Even the ones who have local friends wouldn’t ever ring a friend and ask for help unless it was a dire emergency because otherwise they worry they’d be seen as cheeky or struggling. Yet it’s entirely normal to need help because humans were made to live in communities and rely on eachother. It’s literally in our DNA to live in packs for the very reason of helping eachother. But it’s actively discouraged to be dependant in anyway shape or form.

I wondered why this is, and I think maybe capitalism? The less of a community there is and shame in asking for help, then the more insular people become yet because we need humans we now have to pay to have that need met(whilst thinking we’re independent yet still depending on others).

Does anyone else know why independence is so massively encouraged and dependency of any kind so shameful nowadays?

I can see why some feminists don't like the nuclear family. It's where many women become domestic slaves to men and children and it's an unnatural state for mothers where they can be isolated and without support.

I don’t think there is any proof that mental health is better. I think mental health issues are hidden and ignored

@AvrielFinch “And if you do not have kids, some people assume you can never be struggling.”

so much this.

Agreed

I think people are meant to be in relationship with each other, meaning that at whatever stage or state of life you find yourself at you should have a community around you that you are in relationship with be that family, friends, neighbours, local community, faith group, hobby group, mix of all of this, etc, in a way that is not transactional but meaningful. Some people have very little or none of this now as we are persuaded by media and elsewhere that we don't need it, that we can make it on our own, other people can be used for what we need rather than appreciated for who they are and we don't need to relate to each other the way used to.

Apparently the sign that an ancient society became civilised is if remains are found with a healed femur. Before civilization that person would die with it broken. If society was able to nurse that person back to health ie keep them alive and feed them for a while during which time they aren't very useful, they are civilised.

Personally I think "village" is conflated with chosen family and to me village is much broader. It doesn't mean on tap free childcare, it means all the little relationships we have.
I know that my middle school aged kids are well behaved in the local shop because the staff know which kids are mine. They tell me they are well mannered. Other parents tell me if they see my kids in the neighbourhood. These adults aren't my friends, they are acquaintances. I paid a childminder for childcare but my kids also had cub leaders, swimming instructors, etc. Both paid and unpaid are part of the village. I don't expect the village to babysit (although I have asked fellow parents to walk my kids to school on the odd occasion and have done the same for others). My close friend babysat one kid when the other had an emergency hospital admission but she'd driven 300 miles to see me anyway (pre emergency). She didn't have a clue how to do a child's bedtime but they muddled along nicely and all I wanted was for her to keep him safe and calm. I wouldn't have asked her for a break, I take term time annual leave for that (2 random days a year!) Village is the guy at parkrun who cheers on every competitor, the woman running toddler group, post box topper knitters, the Dad who brings all the kids marshmallows to a fire, not on tap childcare!