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Autistic women assemble! #4

408 replies

RainbowZebraWarrior · 18/07/2024 20:35

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

Thread 3:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4979068-autistic-women-assemble-3?reply=136877684

Thread 2:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Thread 1:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

Page 40 | Autistic women assemble! #3 | Mumsnet

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4979068-autistic-women-assemble-3?reply=136877684

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
InMySpareTime · 01/06/2025 11:29

jumbled weather here, changing every 10 minutes. Went to church, that’s enough peopling for today. The rest of today is earmarked for resting.

JewelleryCat · 01/06/2025 11:53

Same, I’m resting on the sofa waiting for a tv programme I like

Neuronimo · 01/06/2025 12:06

I can totally identify with this situation. It is the unexpected things, that you haven't meticulously prepared yourself for, isn't it? I had to cancel an appointment on the spot this week, because there were too many unexpected triggers and the appointment was running very late. I've had to give myself real talking to, for beating myself up as it being 'a personal failure.' Sometimes I am great at dealing with the big stuff, but am undone by the unexpected.

Neuronimo · 01/06/2025 12:10

We are enjoying a quiet weekend, after a few very busy ones. We three are having cave time in separate rooms, some separateness in our neuro diverse togetherness. Looking forward to some gardening later, it is a lovely day here.

Nepmarthiturn · 02/06/2025 10:57

InMySpareTime · 01/06/2025 11:29

jumbled weather here, changing every 10 minutes. Went to church, that’s enough peopling for today. The rest of today is earmarked for resting.

It was weird yesterday wasn’t it? I sat on a sunlounger outside and it was warm and then as soon as the Sun went behind a cloud it was freezing! And awful wind. Gaaaaaah.

Going on holiday in two weeks and absolutely need some consistent and reliable sunshine. It really stresses me out that when I’m working it’s always lovely weather and the moment I go outside it is cold and windy and cloudy again. 😡

Nepmarthiturn · 02/06/2025 10:57

JewelleryCat · 01/06/2025 11:53

Same, I’m resting on the sofa waiting for a tv programme I like

The sounds nice! Lazy weekends are good. 😊

Nepmarthiturn · 02/06/2025 11:00

Neuronimo · 01/06/2025 12:10

We are enjoying a quiet weekend, after a few very busy ones. We three are having cave time in separate rooms, some separateness in our neuro diverse togetherness. Looking forward to some gardening later, it is a lovely day here.

“Cave time”! I love this and shall be adopting your expression! 😁

Today is an INSET day so I’m steeling myself for the hell of kids going back to school tomorrow and their inevitable distress at the prospect.

Getting out in the garden is a great idea. I think we’ll do the same today (if the sunshine will continue! ☀️🙏🏻).

JewelleryCat · 28/06/2025 17:54

Hi all, how’s everyone been coping in the heat? I hate heat so this isn’t ideal. I saw this on the news and wondered what everyone else thought https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1ljmd5my63o

InMySpareTime · 28/06/2025 18:30

It’s not crazy hot here in NW England, there’s a nice breeze that takes the edge off.
I see the logic behind the wristbands, but would worry about what information they hold and who could access it.
What if they tracked movement and were used by DWP to allege PIP fraud, or were seen by a potential employer who doesn’t want to employ NDs?

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 30/06/2025 07:13

Sorry I tried to start my own thread in the ND mumsnetters topic but haven't had a single reply.

Can anyone tell me what to expect from an assessment video call? I have one this week after a long wait and feel completely overwhelmed by the idea and don't know what I'm supposed to do.

InMySpareTime · 30/06/2025 08:43

@TheNameIsDickDarlington you just need to be yourself. Not the self you put on for other people, the real you that you only show to people who accept you.
If you need to stim/cry/pee/get a drink etc just say, and if you need a question clarifying because you don’t understand it, ask them to repeat/rephrase it as many times as it takes.
Make notes of things in your environment that bother you over this week, and strategies you’ve put in place to overcome difficulties.
eg I keep my inhaler in the bread bin because I always have breakfast. My system is that I made a rule that I can’t have breakfast until I take my inhaler. This works more often than not.

Neuronimo · 30/06/2025 09:01

I had a face to face assessment earlier this year. I feel in retrospect that I was very unprepared for the assessment, though I came away with a diagnosis. One thing I did which was very unhelpful, was to try and interpret the questions day and night before the days itself. This made me very anxious, so I guess what I am saying is try not to over think it, if you can help it. It might be useful to write down some examples of social communication, difficulties, sensory issues etc, both from childhood and currently.

There were multiple questionnaires which switched between childhood and adulthood, so I wished that I had made more notes. I found it easy to answer the questions in short form, but got a bit tied up in knots trying to come up with examples, there and then. The online Aspie Quiz was quite useful, I looked at this after the event and wish that I had found it sooner. I did provide old school reports, as my parents are very elderly and I didn't want to include them in the process. I was not very successful at dropping decades long masking.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 30/06/2025 09:57

@InMySpareTimethank you for replying. I am quite worried about seeming too... capable I guess? I'm not really sure how to unmask around a lot of people it seems like it's something I can do over time with those I'm close to but a lot of it is almost second nature I don't really know how to begin purposefully unmasking.

I will have a think about strategies, I think on my old phone I have a file with some notes about my struggles on so I'll try and dig that out.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 30/06/2025 10:00

Thank you @NeuronimoI will have a look at that quiz later and make some notes. I have done the AQ50 and a RAADS tests online so I'll try and find those scores as it may help with note taking.

I'm trying to get my son an ASD assessment so I've been making all the notes and thinking about him so much I don't think I've really paid any attention to the things I do and I'm worried I'll forget loads and they'll say I don't have enough examples or something.

Neuronimo · 30/06/2025 10:19

Those scores would be very helpful Darlington. My husband went through the process at the same time and so I totally get where you are coming from re concentrating on your son. We ended up getting very confused answering for ourselves and each other. It was only after the event that I can see many similarities with my son (also autistic), such as internal stims such as lines from songs on repeat in my head. My son would vocalise his, I have learned not to, but did so as a child. Wishing you the best of luck, would be good to hear how you get on.

trashcanjunkie · 30/06/2025 10:25

Oh my god - this is amazing and I’m posting so I can’t forget this is here as soon as I put my phone down - just fought the urge to read all the previous threads before I’d allow myself to join in and feel fuckin delighted that I can just bash this down and feel hopeful at finding you guuuuuuuys. I downloaded the app and everything

SherrySherryLady · 30/06/2025 10:30

I have just received an ASD diagnosis - I’m mid 40’s. I’m not sure how to deal with this yet and still processing so it’s fortuitous timing this thread showing up in Active.

My post is about work. They have asked for proof of my diagnosis. I only have the report which is obviously confidential (anyway I’m sure this isn’t what they want - just a one pager or confirmation letter). I have asked the clinic to send a letter just confirming I have a diagnosis but I haven’t heard back. Is this something the diagnosing clinics provide? Or do I need to go to my GP and ask them to provide a letter?

Neuronimo · 30/06/2025 11:55

Hi Sherry,

Not sure if this is usual but the clinic we went to didn't send a letter to the gp. We are going to take the copy of the report to them. My husband provided a heavily redacted copy of the report for work purposes, I think perhaps the summary page.

SherrySherryLady · 30/06/2025 14:28

Neuronimo · 30/06/2025 11:55

Hi Sherry,

Not sure if this is usual but the clinic we went to didn't send a letter to the gp. We are going to take the copy of the report to them. My husband provided a heavily redacted copy of the report for work purposes, I think perhaps the summary page.

Thank you. I went through right to choose and the clinic sent my report to the GP as well as to me. I was hoping since my GP knows about my diagnosis they can provide a letter stating Sherry was referred to ABC clinic and received a diagnosis. I’ll check with them but also think as your husband did I’ll have to redact my report - which will take days probably, it’s a lengthy one!!

ToThineOwnSelf · 10/07/2025 08:25

SherrySherryLady · 30/06/2025 14:28

Thank you. I went through right to choose and the clinic sent my report to the GP as well as to me. I was hoping since my GP knows about my diagnosis they can provide a letter stating Sherry was referred to ABC clinic and received a diagnosis. I’ll check with them but also think as your husband did I’ll have to redact my report - which will take days probably, it’s a lengthy one!!

I asked for a one page letter just stating my name etc. and diagnosis, which they provided, so I could show this to employers, etc. I think the company was called Clinical Partners via the NHS. If you ask the company who did the diagnosis directly they can send this to you. I don’t believe the GP can technically write this letter.

Nepmarthiturn · 04/09/2025 09:26

Hi everyone!

How are things going? The thread’s been very quiet so I hope that’s a sign everyone is blissfully happy not overwhelmed and in shut down! 🫣😆

Kids went back to school today. Awful for them. The long summer holiday is the best time of year when they can really relax and be themselves without all the stress of the awful school environment. It went much too fast!

toepick · 04/09/2025 09:34

Hi

Can anyone recommend a free online autism questionnaire or test?

They all seem to want money

Thanks 😊

Nepmarthiturn · 04/09/2025 10:08

These tests are just a simple indicator though, you’d then need a proper diagnosis using the ADOS and ADI etc.

Nepmarthiturn · 04/09/2025 10:10

There is also the CAT-Q which measures social camouflaging/ masking behaviours.