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Autistic women assemble! #4

408 replies

RainbowZebraWarrior · 18/07/2024 20:35

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

Thread 3:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4979068-autistic-women-assemble-3?reply=136877684

Thread 2:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Thread 1:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

Page 40 | Autistic women assemble! #3 | Mumsnet

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4979068-autistic-women-assemble-3?reply=136877684

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
InMySpareTime · 06/01/2025 14:58

I like the snow, but I don't have to go out in it except to stomp in the squeaky driveway snow like an overexcited toddler.
Snow is rare here in Manchester anyway so it's still special rather than seasonally annoying.
The flooding is more inconvenient round here, but at least I'm a bit out of the flood warning area.

IntriguingFactJumble · 06/01/2025 19:28

LongWetSummer. I don't know how to explain it to your DH but I didn't want to read and run. I have only recently got my diagnosis too and all.i have 'done with it' is tell my job centre coach. She has been very supportive and is going to get me an appointment with a colleague who is hopefully going to help me with what to say/ not say etc. Hope things go well for you.

LongWetSummer · 06/01/2025 19:49

IntriguingFactJumble · 06/01/2025 19:28

LongWetSummer. I don't know how to explain it to your DH but I didn't want to read and run. I have only recently got my diagnosis too and all.i have 'done with it' is tell my job centre coach. She has been very supportive and is going to get me an appointment with a colleague who is hopefully going to help me with what to say/ not say etc. Hope things go well for you.

Thank you for your response. It's a tricky one!

Best wishes for your meeting with her colleague. I hope you get some inspiration. It's comforting knowing others are navigating similar.

VivienneDelacroix · 08/01/2025 18:51

I've just had a bit of a rant on an EastEnders thread (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5243932-eastenders-the-spoilers-thread?page=8&reply=141197777).

I'm really tired of anyone (real life or character) who is seen as awkward, rude, or odd being automatically assumed to be autistic. So many neurotypical people are all of those things. I follow Cat Burns on social media and she is autistic, but I'm sure the neurotypicals would never presume she is because she's successful and beautiful. Why is there such a narrow (and offensive view) of autism?
The same happened with the odious Gregg Wallace, the chat on Mumsnet soon started suggesting he was autistic because he doesn't behave appropriately with women. Guess what, that's not an autistic trait, that's being an arsehole and the two aren't the same or even close.

(Sorry to rant here too, but it's so tiring).

Page 8 | EastEnders: the SPOILERS thread! | Mumsnet

Welcome to the EastEnders spoilers thread, where we post and talk about any EE spoilers we've read about, including those in early release episodes on...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/5243932-eastenders-the-spoilers-thread?page=8&reply=141197777%29.

JewelleryCat · 17/01/2025 10:33

Anyone been watching Patience?

IntriguingFactJumble · 17/01/2025 12:13

JewelleryCat · 17/01/2025 10:33

Anyone been watching Patience?

Yes, I am enjoying it.

Edited for spoiler

Clarice99 · 19/01/2025 10:47

JewelleryCat · 17/01/2025 10:33

Anyone been watching Patience?

I watched a couple of episodes last night. I will revisit this evening.

I like that an autistic woman has been cast to play the role as an autistic woman, and not a neuro-typical. But, I'm not sure how 'realistic' it is about bringing a 'civilian' on board with police murder investigations.

Have you watched it all @JewelleryCat ? What did you think?

JewelleryCat · 19/01/2025 10:55

Clarice99 · 19/01/2025 10:47

I watched a couple of episodes last night. I will revisit this evening.

I like that an autistic woman has been cast to play the role as an autistic woman, and not a neuro-typical. But, I'm not sure how 'realistic' it is about bringing a 'civilian' on board with police murder investigations.

Have you watched it all @JewelleryCat ? What did you think?

I’ve watched up to episode 4. It’s intriguing because like you say, there’s an autistic actress but I do prefer Astrid: Murder in Paris. I know the actress who plays her is NT but to me, she’s more believable and the friendship between her and Raphaelle is lovely.

To me, Bea and everyone else like Jake is so cold and standoffish towards Patience that I’m unfortunately comparing Patience and Astrid which I know is unfair but it’s basically an English remake of Astrid with the same stories with a few different bits in it

Clarice99 · 19/01/2025 15:04

I haven't watched Astrid, but I've seen it advertised. I'll finish Patience then watch Astrid. Thanks for the recommendation @JewelleryCat

JewelleryCat · 19/01/2025 16:53

Clarice99 · 19/01/2025 15:04

I haven't watched Astrid, but I've seen it advertised. I'll finish Patience then watch Astrid. Thanks for the recommendation @JewelleryCat

You’re welcome. Tell me your thoughts after you’ve seen it. I’d be interested in them 🙂

Eldermillenialyogi · 19/01/2025 16:55

I haven't seen this thread before but would like to join you please

JewelleryCat · 19/01/2025 19:26

Eldermillenialyogi · 19/01/2025 16:55

I haven't seen this thread before but would like to join you please

Welcome 🙂

Clarice99 · 19/01/2025 20:51

Eldermillenialyogi · 19/01/2025 16:55

I haven't seen this thread before but would like to join you please

Hello and welcome 😀

Do you want to tell everyone a bit about yourself?

Nepmarthiturn · 20/01/2025 23:35

A friend just sent me this. I had no idea.

vm.tiktok.com/ZGdAMqmFk/

JewelleryCat · 21/01/2025 00:37

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grunya_Sukhareva

Nepmarthiturn · 21/01/2025 01:05

I had no idea about this until now @JewelleryCat and hadn't heard of her at all since I'd received that link from my friend.

What an amazing woman. And of course, largely erased from history. Along with all of us.

No accident then. A deliberate choice when it was known all along. I did always wonder how it could never have occurred to anybody who was supossedly a competent doctor or scientist that autism would be a very unique neurological condition that occurred only in boys and they didn't question this... 😒

Nepmarthiturn · 21/01/2025 01:06

I mean *before I received that link from my friend.

Sorry, so tired. Smallest one off school with a fever and now I have it, too. Fun time of year!

Nepmarthiturn · 21/01/2025 01:13

"No time for play. No time for joy".

That brought tears to my eyes, and I am not overemotional these days because I cannot be.

It's so much worse that this was known a hundred years ago and we've all been put through this on purpose. It wasn't a mistake, or ignorance. It was deliberate.

JewelleryCat · 21/01/2025 09:51

Sorry to hear about the fever @Nepmarthiturn and get better soon! I’d not heard of her either, very interesting

CanIGetAHighFive · 21/01/2025 18:32

Wow, I haven't heard of her either. So interesting and it actually makes me feel so angry and sad that her voice wasn't heard.

I've been watching Patience, I wanted to like it but I really don't. I love that the cast is neurodivergent and that the lead role is an autistic woman but the script is painful to listen to. I don't fancy the French version. It's a small step in the right direction though.

InMySpareTime · 03/02/2025 16:57

I had my Autism assessment today and now I'm officially diagnosed Autistic.
It's quite a relief to have a recognition of my struggles.
Now I have some certainty about the reasons for my needs.

InMySpareTime · 25/02/2025 12:12

Had my ADHD assessment today, which was a bit disappointing. Assessor said she can't proceed with a diagnosis until someone reports on my behaviour/symptoms as a child. DMum can't remember me as a child, I was just the "good" one that wasn't any bother, and she's lost all my school reports. I didn't really have any close friends and haven't kept in touch with anyone that knew me before I went to university.
I've asked my sister but she can't remember much of our childhoods either.
Would be annoying to miss out on a formal diagnosis because my (undiagnosed but probably ND) family weren't paying me any attention in the 1980s.

inkymoose · 26/02/2025 04:12

InMySpareTime · 25/02/2025 12:12

Had my ADHD assessment today, which was a bit disappointing. Assessor said she can't proceed with a diagnosis until someone reports on my behaviour/symptoms as a child. DMum can't remember me as a child, I was just the "good" one that wasn't any bother, and she's lost all my school reports. I didn't really have any close friends and haven't kept in touch with anyone that knew me before I went to university.
I've asked my sister but she can't remember much of our childhoods either.
Would be annoying to miss out on a formal diagnosis because my (undiagnosed but probably ND) family weren't paying me any attention in the 1980s.

Very annoying, and unless you find an alternative assessor, you could be stuck in limbo for ever while the assessor refuses to assess you properly.

I think there's a lot of unnecessary pressure put onto people seeking a diagnosis when there's nothing that can be done to revive people's memories or find any evidence from childhood that might be useful.

On the other hand, suppose that somebody did say they could remember your childhood and you behaved in this way or that way, and it was nothing like the way you behaved, and the assessment was entirely based upon their subjective and inaccurate memory.

What annoys me about it is that someone else's word (either the assessor's or the parent's) is more important than your word. Someone else looking at you and drawing conclusions is more significant than what you experience yourself. There's a power structure and it seems that the patient, or the person looking for assessment, is at the bottom of it.

Clarice99 · 26/02/2025 19:16

InMySpareTime · 25/02/2025 12:12

Had my ADHD assessment today, which was a bit disappointing. Assessor said she can't proceed with a diagnosis until someone reports on my behaviour/symptoms as a child. DMum can't remember me as a child, I was just the "good" one that wasn't any bother, and she's lost all my school reports. I didn't really have any close friends and haven't kept in touch with anyone that knew me before I went to university.
I've asked my sister but she can't remember much of our childhoods either.
Would be annoying to miss out on a formal diagnosis because my (undiagnosed but probably ND) family weren't paying me any attention in the 1980s.

I'm sorry to read this. The assessor was very unreasonable in applying this 'rule'.

My autism and ADHD assessments went ahead without any family input due to me being NC.

I wonder what the assessor does when parents are dead, and you're an only child?

I'd be looking for a new assessor.

InMySpareTime · 07/03/2025 06:58

I got an email to attend a feedback session about my ADHD assessment. Problem is, the session was the day before the email. I know ADHD makes people work quickly when in hyper focus, but we still operate within the laws of causality and move forwards through time.
I've emailed them, but my Autistic side is still anxious that I've somehow broken a rule and missed an appointment, and that I won't get a diagnosis because of it.
Why is nothing just straightforward?

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