Dh has just been fired - hand hold pls?

[Dhisfired]

Name changed for this. As the title says, dh has just been fired. It was a long time coming. He has been incredibly stressed at work and has not been coping. He’s been on unpaid leave for a while. Today they had the conversation and mutually agreed he should leave.

We can’t get by on my salary. Looks like dh won’t be able to work for weeks / months while he deals with this stress issue, which I’m worried could turn into serious long term mental health problems. It’s probably already there.

I am terrified. Want to support him but I can’t stop crying. Has anyone else been through similar? Where do we go from here?

Mine lost the first job when dd2 was three weeks old. I still remember what she was wearing when he told me. She's 20 now.
Dh would do anything as long as there was money coming in and he did. That made me proud.
In time we realized we could live with a little less and he ended up retraining. He's now almost 50 and in an excellent job with high security and good opportunities that will see him through to retirement. Someone that wouldn't have happened if he'd stayed in the sales sector.
It WILL work out.

If he's ill and unable to work its not JSA he needs to claim its New Style ESA, also look into diability benefits, PIP in England and ADP IN Scotland
Go to your local CAB and get a benefit check, they can also help with applications

I'm shocked at some of the responses regarding mh (particularly men's mh). I lost my partner to suicide. My situation was at the extreme end of mh crisis and lockdowns and alcoholism were contributing factors but it still makes me sad to read so many comments saying...he just needs to pull himself together.

OP could you consider getting signed off work for a few weeks so you can have a little breathing space and get a plan of action together? Do you have family or friends that can support you both. Mh is nothing to be ashamed of and your husband and you can absolutely come back from this. Try not to think too far into the future for the time being. Take it a day at a time.

Did you also spend money on unnecessary crap while you were on unpaid leave?@DDisnotnormal btw this is why people are being harsh on OP's husband.

You working 2 jobs and doing everything in the home as well as looking after DC is not sustainable. You will go under and then what?

I know this sounds harsh but your DH needs to find out about benefits, help at home and look for work. Maybe it was the type of job he couldn't cope with so he could do something else?

He needs to sell those expensive items and liquidate any assets. It sounds like this was coming so what was his plan?

Hang on, I’d he’s been struggling with work-related stress, the sentence ‘Today they had the conversation and mutually agreed he should leave.’ rings massive alarm bells for me!
That sounds like a case for constructive dismissal, right there! Does he have a union? How many people were in the meeting? If he’s been signed off sick, he can’t be pressured in any way into leaving. I’d get him to write down everything he can remember that was said in that meeting asap, and the n seek advice from ACAS.

RTFT he's a contractor outside IR35 and not an employee. He has no rights

If your parents can evidence the money is your sons then you may have a case for UC but I don’t understand why you put it in joint names. As a child an adult always is the signatory on the account but the account isn’t in their name

You can have savings of 16,000 and get UC.
You can put some money in a pension as well.

Yes but anything above 6k would reduce their monthly Uc and if was just under 16 k would reduce it quite significantly . Depending on op's earnings, and with only one child and not renting, the UC may very well not be much in the first place.

I have accounts that are my daughters but my name is on them as the legal guardian.. I didn’t declare them, it’s not my money. I’ve claimed UC with no issues. Put in a claim and go from there, once you claim that you can apply for council tax reduction, housing benefit etc.
Get your husband some help too

If he is a contractor presumably have corporation tax to pay down the line and VAT due almost now. You cannot get away from those.

There are about 12 or so UK credit cards which you can get which allow either balance transfers or cash into your bank account. They last about 12 months to about 2.5 years and come with about a 3% fee. If you have no cash (no point complaining about why that is now) then you have to consider doing a splurge on these before your credit gets wiped out.

Do you own your home ? Do you have a mortgage ?

If you have any debt, speak to them now, like tomorrow and unless you are doing the credit card splurge, then you need to get onto zero interest and no repayments save for £1 a month. It will hurt your credit score but it will keep you alive.

If you'll burn through your child's £25k in a year, you are out of touch with reality. Your food shopping needs to drop to £50 a week or less and you need to be making food, not buying ready meals. Every other bill than can be cut needs cutting including mobile phones. Keep the house internet.

However, this is only going to tinker with the problem if your husband doesn't man up and sort himself out. Sorry but mental health excuses will only put you in the poor house and he needs to be bringing in something now, even if just bar work.

That’s fraud. If the account is in your name it is your money.

If you are adamant that you aren’t touching the money for your son, I would put it in a junior isa which no one can access until he is 18.

please also see a counsellor or even your GP who may have tips to help you. This is a lot for you to deal with. Unfortuately when under stress lots of people resort to shopping and buying luxuries they cannot actually afford. Does DH have a credit card? Would check balance if so. Can you transfer the £25K into an education trust for your son?

I'd not seen that, that makes everything a lot tougher.

Not necessarily - my son has an account which is his but it's still in my name as trustee. Different banks set things up differently. It could even be that that is the way the OP's son's account is held and so it's his money and won't affect a benefits claim.

If he is a contractor presumably have corporation tax to pay down the line and VAT due almost now. You cannot get away from those

He won't have either of those to pay but there will be a self assessment income tax bill. However, if has hasn't earned over the last few months, there won't be much.

I don’t know why people are speculating about whether it’s her son’s money or not. OP has explained it’s a joint account . That means the assets are technically both the mothers and sons, even though thats not what was intended. So she’s not stealing from her son, and UC would see it as her savings too. Principles are fine but they don’t put food on the table.

@Dhisfired make an appointment with CAB

I'm just on to say, take a breath. Take 10 breaths. There is a lot to think about but solutions don't need to be found for everything at this very moment.

Firstly, your husband has left his job due to his health. Is he getting the health support he needs? Part of that might be that for the next few days he needs to process what's happened. Hopefully then he will be able to have those conversations with you. Maybe you can have that conversation, he will no doubt be stressed upon stress now.

Secondly, you need time for yourself. You are allowed to have a day off. You too are stressed. Take a day or maybe 2 if you can. Your job will cope. Your son will cope if the bathroom is messy or you eat beans on toast twice in a row or whatever. You need to give yourself space to think.

Thirdly, this will get better. Not today, not tomorrow but it will get better.

Just slow down and tackle one thing at a time. Focus on the here and now.

Good Luck!

I have a busy (and extremely necessary) job and I feel exhausted today. He doesn’t feel able to look after our child so I will of course

Why did he not feel able to look after his own child? What purpose does he currently serve?

It may have been said before, haven’t read while thread. Just to clarify threshold for claiming any UC with savings is £16k then done on a sliding scale basis - so if £10k you’d get some but not full entitlement.
Might be worth putting some in ISAs so you are below £16k if you can.

But it wasn't. It was put into a joint account.

The key word there is Trustee. Therefore the account is a Trust. Set up legally for the beneficiary of the trust and looked after by the Trustee until the beneficiary is of age. Not a joint account.