Dh has just been fired - hand hold pls?

[Dhisfired]

Name changed for this. As the title says, dh has just been fired. It was a long time coming. He has been incredibly stressed at work and has not been coping. He’s been on unpaid leave for a while. Today they had the conversation and mutually agreed he should leave.

We can’t get by on my salary. Looks like dh won’t be able to work for weeks / months while he deals with this stress issue, which I’m worried could turn into serious long term mental health problems. It’s probably already there.

I am terrified. Want to support him but I can’t stop crying. Has anyone else been through similar? Where do we go from here?

@tissueboxandcandles Exactly!

I know. I am sorry to labour the point as I feel desperately sorry for the OP. But the ignorance around estate planning, wills etc on MN is really shocking.

I'm sorry you are in this position.
Only you know if this stress and MH crisis is a one off / out of the blue thing or an excuse to opt out of his responsibilties.

Personally I would expect , at the bare minimum, that he is part of the solution.

If he's genuinely too ill to do anything at all I would give him a short breathing space with clear experience rations that he seeks all help available and with a clear plan when he will atart picking up his responsibilities again.

It's very rare the a woman is totally unable to function - if she can't work she will still get up, take care of her children and force herself to do the best she can. Dragging you down should not be an option.

Can I ask a few sensitive questions…and sorry if I have missed things by not reading each post…
I’ve not heard of someone being fired in a job when it’s the job that has caused your dh to be in this position…or are there other factors in play?
If he has flagged areas of pressure then there should have been steps and processes to support his needs!
Did he express his concern about the role to HR or flag it to a senior member of staff?
I don’t understand why he has been fired if it’s a mutual agreement, surely he has resigned?

On being supportive, this comes in many ways and holding up the household is a big one, and looking after your son. You are doing fabulously so don’t be hard on yourself as that won’t help anyone. Your dh clearly needs support but I assume you’re paying for the private therapist alongside everything else.
if work was his stress factor and that’s out of the equation, I would hope in a few weeks things become easier and he can work out ways to start providing additional support. Whilst he’s at home hopefully he can take on some of your burden and make your life easier whilst you’re supporting the family with your earnings!

best of luck

Lots of messages here, so not sure you will see this or if it's been said already. Have your DH apply for new style employment support allowance if he is unable to work this will be based on him and his contributions only. Look on the entitled to website as it calculates a rough guide as to what benefits you may be entitled to and will show UC and the one j just mentioned you can have a play around to see which is better for you as a family to claim. Do you have insurance you can claim off? I forget what it's called...critical illness or similar to cover if one of you loses your job/ill etc? As for your sons savings. If your name is on the account as a joint holder you have to declare it if you choose to claim UC as a family and if it comes back that these savings are the reason your entitlement is zero, you can appeal on the basis that it is 'beneficially' your child's as account also in their name and can prove when the money was deposited (so no huge lump sum the week before your claim etc) and no money has been taken out for bills etc. As that would be seen as deprivation of capital.

She said it was left in a joint account in her and her sons name for her son. Therefore its her sons

So he's a contractor, SE, not a paye employee. So his contract has been terminated, finished. Not sacked like an employee.

This is a shame, you are in shock atm, but hopefully quickly his MH will get better, with support, he can brush up his cv, get it out there and get another contract. Even if it is a slightly lower income, less stress, it would at least be something, not eating into ds's account, whilst you all decide what to do long term?

Sorry don't gave time to read your thread fully, but look at
New style employment support allowance, it doesn't seem to get a mention in the benefits checkers but I think he maybe entitled. £116 week but better than nothing.
Make claims even if you are not entitled to money as the national insurance record will get covered.

I'm in a similar situation financially so we are planning to claim as ssp expires.

Happy to chat.

To get job seekers allowance he will have to show he is actually applying for jobs, it those jobs could be anything - Tesco, delivery driver etc.
see if you can get a mortgage holiday from
hour mortgage company, or extend the term so the monthly payments go down.
when I lost my job in a similar situation (sacked because of the menopause) I got a job as a hotel receptionist until I felt better. The money was less than half what I’d been earning but was better than nothing and was an easy job compared to what I was used to.

Firstly , I’m sorry to hear of your struggles (you and husband - I’ve struggled with my MH - still do )
If you don’t want the money to be used or assessed for benefit entitlement purposes , ensure the money is in an account that can’t be accessed until he is 18 (my own kids have child trust funds , unsure of your child’s age but he may be able to get one ) UC will not class if as savings if you can’t access it until he is 18 - my own 2 kids had 15k each and I was able to get UC because the money was untouchable !
Can your husband get counselling (nhs wait can be a while but gp could refer him and there are some excellent online support groups - Mind have lots of resources and online forums . Qwell is excellent too !
All the best to you both . Ensure you look after yourself too

But people cannot just transfer money that is in their name to a trust fund just before claiming UC because that could be construed as deprivation of assets in order to claim benefits. It's different if it's always been there but when someone claims Uc they will likely check bank statements or can be called to submit bank statements at any point and they are very thorough. If you've suddenly had 25k disappear from an account in your name it is quite rightly going to raise suspicion ! I'm not understanding how all the people saying ' move the money' don't get this ?? UC are currently calling up millions of UC claimants for thorough checks on their accounts and they go through things with a very fine comb. They are getting wise to this sort of fraud.

Yes it's just as likely to be an arrangement like the one I've got as a simple joint account. Without seeing it, we don't know.

I am not ignorant. You don't know what the OP's arrangement is. She has called it a joint account. It doesn't mean it is a simple joint account, it could be similar to the arrangement I have or it could indeed be a simple joint account. However, I would actually think it rather unusual to have a simple joint account with a child.

In any event I think it is more shocking that so many people think it's ok to effectively steal from their children. If they use that money, the child won't get it back (maybe once the parents die, big deal, a long wait).