Dh has just been fired - hand hold pls?

[Dhisfired]

Name changed for this. As the title says, dh has just been fired. It was a long time coming. He has been incredibly stressed at work and has not been coping. He’s been on unpaid leave for a while. Today they had the conversation and mutually agreed he should leave.

We can’t get by on my salary. Looks like dh won’t be able to work for weeks / months while he deals with this stress issue, which I’m worried could turn into serious long term mental health problems. It’s probably already there.

I am terrified. Want to support him but I can’t stop crying. Has anyone else been through similar? Where do we go from here?

Just had a massive row. I wish I had someone who I could talk to. It’s even pissing it down so I can’t go for a walk.

Do you want to talk about it ?

I'm sorry to hear this, op. What did you row about? Would it help to talk here?

Well, he's not in the stressful job anymore, so he could go around the agencies in the morning.

Practically speaking, if you can't manage on one salary, he's going to have to find something to bring in some money. Even a data entry sort of job working from home or stacking shelves at a supermarket would help.

I feel for him as I suffer horribly with my depression, anxiety, panic attacks and CPTSD but in my situation where there is no one else to keep a roof over my kids heads and in your situation where one wage is not enough, we simply don't have the luxury of not being able to work.

Luckily I have an understanding boss who gets it but won't ever be able to have a high paying career. The stress would break me. So I have to do a low paid but low stress job and he may have to start looking for similar. Its less stressful than relying on benefits which seem to be removed or reduced every few weeks, like we needed any more anxiety!

Honestly, he needs to take a job that's low in stress, sort of thing where you just do, so retail, hospitality, labouring, depends where you are to availability

I know people who have said that in the long run this was the best thing that could have happened to them. It's possible for him to turn this around.

I think the things I would do for now is
-make sure he is getting decent counselling and medical support

• be supportive, he will only spiral worse if you aren't
• find someone you can lean on /rant to (a friend, family member , counsellor)
• make a financial plan, check what you are entitled to now, look at mortgage holidays, look at cutting any costs you can
• focus on how you can improve your earnings, that's something within your power
• accept you may need to use those savings but you can build them up again when time is better

Sorry, it's rotten and you absolutely are allowed to struggle with this

You can claim new style ESA regardless if savings. It isn't means tested. He will he assessed and if he's not considered likely to be fit for work at the moment he will be put in the support group and not required to look for work.

Do you have a mortgage? If so you may be able to extend the term or switch to interest only for a while. Google "mortgage charter".

I would talk to the Job Centre about the money. Assuming it was just paid into the joint account and not e.g. left to your son in a will, it may be that only half is considered yours for example.

His MH is so important, but so is yours.

His stress levels are going to get higher if you can’t pay the bills and are losing your home.

If he’s buying expensive items then you need to block his access to the joint account.

Every penny counts right now and it means no luxuries until he has a job.

He needs to get a job doing anything, it doesn’t matter if it’s low paid or PT.

You can apply for UC once your savings are £16k or less, if he’s not ready to start looking for work get him to apply for ESA as JSA he’ll be asked to look for work

www.gov.uk/employment-support-allowance

I don't think he has the luxury of staying out of paid employment.

He needs to do something, anything, to bring in the money, even if it's just stacking shelves or working on a checkout.

So sorry op it's a shit and incredibly stressful position to be in. I was catapulted unexpectedly into being the sole earner for a while a couple of years ago. I understand the anxiety and stress that comes with it

I agree this is not your problem to fix solo, your dh really does need to do something to bring some money in or have some sort of plan for the future.

People have given some really good advice here.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. It’s a shock even if it’s been on the cards for a while.

i know someone this happened to, their OH took some time to get himself together and now has his own gardening business. It’s a bit tougher financially but he’s much happier.
fingers crossed this could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

How long has he been at his work? Has his work followed due process?
His mental health issues may count as disability, check the Equality Act section 6 to ensure he is not being discriminated against.

Hopefully now he's left the job that will start to help with the stress and then he will be in a position to start looking for something else, doesn't matter what it is.
I presume the savings are in a young saver type arrangement so I don't know how this affects ability to claim benefits. But at least you know the money is there if all else fails.
Like others have said speak to your mortgage provider, see if there's anything you can cancel, sell items that you don't need.
Keep the lines of communication open and work as I team. I remember when my partner was made redundant I hit the panic button but everything turned out OK.

As it's after April, the qualifying years will be 2022/3 and 2023/4 now, and the rules are a bit complicated, as it's based on the number of weeks NI as well as the total amount paid. But it's definitely worth looking into as it'll give you a bit of financial breathing space, even if it's not going to get anywhere near replacing his salary.

You are a family. You need to survive & give your DH a little time to get his head together & find a more suitable job. Id have no hesitation in using this money & setting aside a savings account for your son.

Likely too late for all that now…he agreed to leave

How old is your son? Is he also your dh’s son? You will likely have to use some of the money to stay afloat until your dh sorts out benefits or gets a job. Are you full time or could you increase your hours, at least temporarily, if dh is available for your son.

For the moment you need to make a list of income and outgoings to see what you can cut and how short you are going to be.

Your husband has been incredibly selfish buying a new phone and earpods while on unpaid leave with the bills being paid from savings. He may not have been able to help needing the unpaid time off but he didn't need to spend hundreds on luxuries. You're worried about paying the bills and he's buying new tech without a single thought to the stress he is putting you under.

I completely understand not wanting to use it op, and would try not to.

But don’t feel too bad if you find you have to. Getting through this time as a family is important for dc too, and if it helps then he’s benefitted from it. It’s not like you would be blowing it on a trip to Disneyland. Ultimately he needs a short term future before he gets to his long term one.

Did they offer him an exit package? How long was he employed and what was he signed off with?

Not necessarily

It sounds like you are employed, so you may have access to an employee assistance programme. They often have trained counsellors you can talk to as well as legal and financial advisors. It exists for just this sort of thing and I have been told it can be very useful.

It’s no good thinking about the future when the crisis is here now. It may be that not all of these funds will be taken into account for a UC claim if it’s in joint names.