What's the most awful thing your parent has said or done?

[Clueless2024]

Lots of posts about family estrangement on MN. What is the worst thing your parent has said or done, what was the straw that broke the camels back?

I'll start. My mum called me a "murderer" for having a miscarriage. Like I had a choice in the matter. She also once asked me why I couldn't just "turn a blind eye" when I discovered my DH was cheating.

Been NC with my mother for over 30 years. She chose her boyfriend/my abuser over me, I had to live with them for 5 years before I could finally get out at 16. No regrets.

Sexual abuse.

Fucking hell.
I feel sick to my stomach.
I also realise my crap isn't half as bad as some stuff here.
No cliche, I wish you beautiful people all the healing you need.
❤️

It's horrible that so many people have experienced such horrible abuse from their parents. But good to see we are not alone.

Mine was my dad shouting at me in Marks and Spencers that I looked "fucking ugly". I was 10 and trying on an outfit for my aunt's wedding. Who knows ehat he was in a mood about. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always make sure I tell my children how beautiful and smart etc. they look.

I was born disabled and it was only when I reached adulthood that I fully realised my parents resented me. Too long and probably too outing to go into detail but years later a therapist helped me identify reasons for my low self esteem and many instances where they should have provided support/encouragement and didn’t. They had low expectations of me and even when I excelled academically and held down a responsible job, somehow it was never enough and I was constantly held in comparison to other family members who had done better.

My alcoholic stepdad when i about 14 said i was ugly and who the hell should want to fuck you. My mum took him back several times - felt so alone

Told me to stop acting like a victim and being a martyr when I was experiencing DV and had a newborn.

called me a dirty little bitch in front of my friends when I was 14

When my sibling died I was told that it should have been me….

And my parents wonder why I have very little contact 🤷‍♀️

In my case it wasn't just one awful thing. It was more the accumulation of years of being told that nothing I ever did was good enough that finally got too much.
That and realising that she was starting to tell my children that they weren't good enough either.

Mine behaved appallingly after our DD passed away during labour and was stillborn. So many things I could describe but they just made it all about them, I think ‘grief thief’ is the correct term. They made things so much more worse for me. When I called them out on their behaviour they told me ‘other people are grieving too you know’ and told me what a terrible daughter I had been all my life. I’m NC now.

"You'll just have to get a job and get on with it" after I had been struggling for a few years with the after effects of my brain not working properly after a head injury and post concussion syndrome.

Similarly, the effects of an injury from the psychotropic drugs given during a breakdown after the head injury gave me a movement disorder that involves involuntary movements of my face, mouth, tongue and other body parts. The movements can be really embarrassing and make me feel a bit freak-like and self conscious. My DM said once to my DF on a phone call that I was "pulling a strange face" 😪😞😳 Not the best way to get me to feel less self conscious or weird, it has to be said.. 😞

My Dad called me a ‘tart’ for staying over at a bf’s house. I was 18 at the time. I hated my teenage years, both my parents were very controlling. I’m surprised I turned out so normal.

So sorry to hear this. What a difficult time it was for you.

My birth giver told me - amongst other things - that I ruined her life when I was conceived as she had to drop out of her law school to take care of a baby, and also because that forced her to marry my father. They went on to have two more children so her logic is a bit flawed... I am still living with the burden of C-PTSD of my unhappy childhood.

A few events stick in my mind - nothing as bad or violent as many here.

DW just diagnosed with cancer. Called parents to tell them. Mum said "well your Dad is very busy so I don't think we can come over".

I'd not actually asked for a visit but I saw red at this. First time seeing red with them and I was anxious/worried.
"Just how ill do you have to be for you to visit/him not put work first?" and put phone down.

They called back later and visited the next day. DW fine this was 18 years ago now.

Annual Christmas argument between my adolescent son and my Dad. Every bloody year. I massaged seating arrangements but my Dad picked him out something. My son knew and tried to avoid it but to no avail.

Initially I thought it was 6 of one, half a dozen of the other until my brother pointed out his observations as to how the arguments started. He even managed one on his deathbed.

Hit me with a belt
Threatened to kill me
Tried to stab herself with a knife in front of me
Called me a slut

Not as bad as some of the heartbreaking posts I've read on this thread, but my dad accidentally broke my finger when trying to grab my hand to smack me (I was 12 btw) and then, when he realised it was broken (presumably from guilt) stood there and said 3 words.

'I'm so sorry'?
Nope.
'You stupid girl.' (said with a look of utter disgust and revulsion)

Apparently it was all my fault for making him that angry. My mum later backed him in this saying I deserved it for 'winding him up'.

My upbringing wasn't usually like this, but what really stands out for me now is that I believed them, that I, a child, had deserved to have a bone broken for 'making' my dad angry. Fuck that shit.

My Mum told me she wished she'd had an abortion instead of having me.

Sending me off at 16 to a squat in another country after taking me out of school at 13.

Ditching my sister at the same age to a guy ten years older living in a bus in Morocco (pre mobile phones so no means of contact).

Only sending my brother to school a grand total of 10 months when he was 9.

Ignoring the abusive relationship i was in throughout my 20s and asking repeatedly when I planned to get pregnant.

I don't think they were actively nasty, more negligent...

My "dad" complained that he had to "share" his salary with his wife and children and it wasn't fair.

She told me that she had been talking to my husbands brother and that they agreed it was my fault that he died. (He was 4x over the limit when he crashed his car). That was the day my 9 year old told me never to speak to her again. I very wisely took his advise

Told me they needed to protect my newborn baby from me because I’d be a shit mother, I was shit at everything else apparently. Wanted to keep her because I was useless at everything and brought shame to the family as an unwed unemployed single mother at 42 after escaping an abusive relationship and having lasting health issues from it. (Would like to add I used to be fit and healthy, a home owner and worked tirelessly in my career before everything crumbled) Also my child’s name was stupid. Amongst many other things. Well rid!

If my dad was in a bad mood, he used to bang my head against the wall whenever he felt like it, amongst many other punishments.
Probably doesn't come as a surprised that I'm estranged from my parents.

My mother told me she tried to give me away when I was a baby and had her friend lived further away, she’d be rid of me. Throughout my childhood she physically abused me, was always threatening to stab me or hit me over the head with the poker. One time she did hit me on the head with a heeled boot so hard I was bleeding. School was awful because I was always crying. When the teacher asked me why I was always crying I told her my mum kept hitting me. I cried so much I had sores under my eyes. I never found out why my mum hated me so much.

I am so sorry that is heartbreaking