What's the most awful thing your parent has said or done?

[Clueless2024]

Lots of posts about family estrangement on MN. What is the worst thing your parent has said or done, what was the straw that broke the camels back?

I'll start. My mum called me a "murderer" for having a miscarriage. Like I had a choice in the matter. She also once asked me why I couldn't just "turn a blind eye" when I discovered my DH was cheating.

Mine said that it was "their wedding too". They had more friends at my wedding than I did. Made me realise that their money came with a lot of expectations, and I grew up a lot to not expect much from them thereafter

I’ve seen those posts, I sometimes post not with what happened to me but to try and let them know it has to be the girl/woman’s choice. To take away someone’s choice - either way is so so harmful and will cause trauma.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, it was almost easier when I only had my mother to blame. But my memories of begging for help and doubting myself as I was reasoning that professionals would have stepped in so I almost felt had I imagined things that was why I got my notes and it just made it so much worse seeing in black and white how I hadn’t had false memories they’d documented each and every time I had ‘refused’ even the gp referral to hospital was illegal-written that I didn’t want a termination but my mother did and the gp wanted me ‘considered for termination’ .

I'm so sorry. I hope you are living well and healing x

Thankyou. I’m as ok as I can be. It was a very long time ago (2000) I have beautiful children and I try to be a good person and give them all the love I didn’t have. I still miss my baby though I think of him every day and I always will. I’ve told myself that whatever happens to us after we die I’m sure that he will be there somewhere and I’ll get to see him

Awful.

I've not seen her in decades and never lived with her again after. 18 m as she wanted her boyfriend instead. No contact at all thank God.

I am living better than I was as I'm divorcing ex h and once I'm moved it will be amazing.

Thank you.

my Mum said the same thing when my Dad died. I was 12.

on the very rare occasion I spoke to him about my mum who died when I was 7 “well you might not have got on with her anyway”.

Pull yourself together.. i had post natal depression at the time. Will never forget those words as long as I live.

@ItsalwaysNovember

I'm so sorry, I felt like an intruder reading your post. Do you still speak to "her" - note I haven't said your mother, what a horrible, cruel person.

As a teenager my mum used to say she couldn’t wait for me to leave home so she could have her house exactly how she wanted it with none of my stuff in it. Ironically her house is a horrible mess and she’s really unhappy. Karma!

Upon me getting my first boyfriend age 14. "Oh he's rather good looking. Why on earth would he want you?"

My mother told me it was ridiculous how upset I was when my father died.

Some people do not deserve to be parents

Adored my younger sister but repeatedly told me I was fat, ugly and nasty. Told me that things would be better if I was more like Lisa. Lisa was my school bully. Told me it was impossible to love someone like me.
My inner voice will still tell me those things when I'm feeling a bit down.

Refused to come to my wedding rather than say they wouldn’t criticize me to my wedding guests.

Woke me up in the middle of the night screaming that I was a prostitute as she had found my contraceptive pills in my bag. I was 16 and in a relationship.

When I was abused by a 22 year old when I was 13 blamed me and continually talked about how I was a nightmare as a teenager referring to that.

I guess the worst is telling me she'd be happy if only she had kept the pregnancy before me, even if that meant she didnt have me

And all the while she was having a six week uninvited jolly in my home at my expense while my husband who she practically forced me to marry was out every night having his affairs

I have limited memories of my childhood but some that stick out are having my leg hair set on fire by my Dad when I had just started puberty, my Mum used to wear heavy gold rings that she would turn around to make more impact when she hit my legs, I recently had xrays for something totally minor and they reveled significant trauma to my jaw, neck and skull- I don't remember it but evidently was beaten badly at some point. I remember when being groomed as a teenager my mum saying I was lying because someone that good would never be interested in me (a grown man 25years my senior). Have been fully NC since I was 18 and have never ever looked back

This thread is utterly heartbreaking.

I've had unpleasant things said to me by my parents, which is why I don't see much of them, but mostly thoughtless stuff, nothing as deliberately cruel as some of you have had to deal with.

I'm sorry to hear what you've all been through

It is heartbreaking you're right.

Something i've noticeed though is that it doesn't seem to be as bad anymore. Was it a generational thing perhaps? Or do we share more on social media now and are better informed.

Said "I've never felt the need to give up on a child but I feel the need to give up on your son"
My son was 3 at the time.

I didn’t for a long time at all, now it’s very very occasional and then months or years can go past with no contact.

When I was at a really low point in my life in my very early 20s my mum said let's get the dog and get in the car. I genuinely thought finally she'd be supportive and make a nice suggestion. She said let's just gas ourselves.

Good god why are these people having children? They're horrendous.

My mother was an absolute saint and passed away when I was 15, honestly a nasty word never left her mouth.

My father walked out when I was a toddler and disappeared for 20yrs.