What's the most awful thing your parent has said or done?

[Clueless2024]

Lots of posts about family estrangement on MN. What is the worst thing your parent has said or done, what was the straw that broke the camels back?

I'll start. My mum called me a "murderer" for having a miscarriage. Like I had a choice in the matter. She also once asked me why I couldn't just "turn a blind eye" when I discovered my DH was cheating.

Gaslit me and refused to believe me when i told her my primary school teacher had groomed me and would touch me.

I asked her to mark my ears so i could pierce them, 'no because theyre odd'

'Youre going to have a boot nose like your gran', had that repeatedly from a very young age.

Make repeated comments about me being flat chested (they all still do that now despite me asking them to stop)

Comments about my weight, are you sure you,want to wear that? (Wonder why i have body image issues and disordered eating now)

Generally cant say anything without her telling you she had it worse

Told me to go on and jump out my bedroom window then if i wantes to, opened it, sat me on the window ledge and allowed all my siblings to surround me, jeering me on to jump too.

Some of these are awful 😢😑

My dad regularly told me I'd never get married as I was too fat and ugly when I was a kid. Looking back at pics from then, I was neither fat nor ugly and was actually quite a cute kid, but I always had the impression that he just didn't like me and to this day, I have no idea why? And so began my unhealthy relationship with food and a lifetime of yoyo dieting.

Told by my mum constantly that she should have had an abortion with me. Told me I was stupid and would fail my GCSEs. Just a couple of examples from a long list 😞

Asked me if I was having an affair with my stepdad. When I was 15.

Many more followed that .

Oh and forgot the most twisted thing, would lay on the floor pretending she was dead to see how my brother and I would react. You can imagine how traumatic it was the first time she did it when I was about 10.

My Dad pinned me up by my throat when I was around 14. He thought I'd shouted 'fuck off Dad' down the phone, when I had shouted 'Fuck off Adz' to a friend who was jumping on my back at the time.

He didn't talk to me for around 5 months after. Never apologised or accepted he was wrong.

When my mum was grieving her partner she said I wish you’d died instead of them. I was 7. Hence the username 😂

When I fled domestic violence with nothing but the clothes on my back and my 7 year old son. I asked my parents if I could stay the night because I had nowhere else to go. My mum told me it was too much of a stressful situation for her to take in and there wasn't really any room (they had a 6 bed house and there was two of them) so I should find somewhere else to go.

To add insult to injury my dad sided with my mum and said I should probably go to a hotel because the situation had clearly stressed mum out(!) and I'd probably brought this situation on myself anyway.

I had £74 in my bank and had to use £72 of it to find a hotel very late at night.
I am their only child and I honestly don't think they realised how much damage they caused me that day.

My mum told me to not bother coming to my dads funeral

I do love my mum and we are close, but when I was 16 I got pregnant and had an abortion. I asked her not to tell anyone and she told her friend, which now im older I understand why she did. I've just never confided in her again.

As a young teenager told me I looked like trailer trash as I was wearing a new baseball cap... demanding I went on a birth control pill before I ended up pregnant... I hadn't had sex didn't have any intention on having sex and didn't until 2 years after I had to immediately go on this pill.

Being force fed food until I was sick. But also being told that I couldn't have a second biscuit when the boy children could as I would get fat... hence my ED.

Having my house keys taken off me for a weekend at 15 years old and told to.fund somewhere else to stay so my mum could have time away with her new boyfriend.

Living in a house at 16 where no one spoke one word to me for 3 months until I moved out they just ignored my existence

Sorry that was more than one couldn't pick

I am#9so sorry that there are so many of us with these horrible stories.

1. My mother chased me around the house with a knife before my sister got between us. I became hysterical so a Dr was called and I was tranquillised.
2. She brought a man twice my age (who she had a crush on) home and lied to him that I was expecting to go on a date - I was 17. She made it clear that I had to go. He would arrive at 10.30-11pm at night, pick me up and then take me home in the morning for school. He was also physically and emotionally abusive, but my mother loved him so I ended up married to him. Then when he put me in hospital and I finally divorced him she spent the next 20 years asking if I had seen him and wondering how he was.
3. When my Dad was dying she rang me up and told me that it was my fault he was having nightmares and thought that he was dying (according to her he wasn’t).
4. My Dad ran away from home when I was 16. He told people he was dying of cancer, sent me a suicide note and then came home a couple of weeks later. We had to pretend nothing had ever happened.
5. My Dad rang me to tell me that my Mum was in hospital having tried to kill herself, then laughed at me when I started crying.
6. My mum told me after my Dad died that I had nothing to cry about as she had lost her husband.
7. She told my sister that I was just getting notches on my bed post when I met someone after divorcing my first (abusive) husband.

So much more, but those are the ‘highlights’. I’m NC now.

Not as bad as many of these but my dad calked me fat a few years ago, and said it in a really derogatory way. Really hurt me at the time (actually, still hurts). Weight gain was due to
medication (which he probably wasn’t aware of).

Left me with neighbours while my mum was in hospital looking after my critically ill sibling so he could meet up with women for sex.

When I was little my dad died. It was an open coffin funeral and I remember being told to give my dad a kiss on the cheek. I have never spoken to my mum about it but it was so traumatising, I can still remember how his skin felt. Now I’ve kids of my own I can’t imagine putting them through something like that

Cut off my hair with a carving knife because I was sucking it.Mocked my developing breasts. Hit me when I couldn’t remember my tables. Sneered at me for not being as attractive as my mother when in teens.

My mother told me that my sister is “so much more stunning” than I am and that she wished I’d died instead of my younger sibling.

My father stole my identity and ran up tens of thousands of pounds of credit card debt. He said he did what he had to do and I’d understand when I had children.

Also leaving me for three months with grandparents I didn’t know when a toddler . When my mother was told to come back because I was hysterical she carried on with her holiday.

My father raped me repeatedly and violently for years and my mother knew about it and on occasion encouraged him so he wouldn't be in a bad mood.

I've namechanged for this and will change back again. If you think you can identify me, please DONT.

I grew up in a domestic violence household. My mother's ex husband.

Having my hair grabbed, my siblings hair grabbed and our heads smashed tigerher because we were bickering. It wasn't until I was an adult I found out about the skull fracture.

Having holes kicked in walls and doors was entirely normal

As was having to tiptoe around because you never knew when he would explode. Even now, a man coughing really hard in my earshot usually ends up in a panic attack.

It was also entirely normal to hide our toys or favourite possessions away. They'd only be broken in the next rage or binned in the next 'tidy up' otherwise.

Having to hear your mum being assaulted. If we intervened we would get the same treatment meted out to us

I was kicked out of the house the day I turned 18. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that he was finally arrested and charged for the DV and received a slap on the wrist

Faked having cancer. I really thought she was dying but I knew things weren't making sense or weren't normal, everyone else believed her and she destroyed my life and my mental health while I tried to deal with it, she did it so I couldn't walk away from her and kept me trapped in an nightmare where I was trying to protect myself from the emotional abuse but felt I couldn't abandon her entirely. She convinced everyone I was uncaring and had dumped her whilst she was 'extremely ill' but it was her keeping me at arms length publically while privately calling me tormenting me, scaring me etc, I felt I had to take it as she was so unwell. She wasn't so unwell. She had an eye problem not a brain tumor. The hospital eventually told me everything as they agreed they had a duty of care to me as I was in such a bad way with the stress. She kept this up for 14 months. She even bought a wheelchair.

My mother never let me feel beautiful or pretty. If she caught me liking clothes or make up I was called vain or a tart. Told I’d get raped if I wore anything tight fitting. Was told I looked pregnant in low rise jeans, I’ve suffered with food issues and disordered eating my whole life.

Beaten with an actual walking stick repeatedly throughout my childhood. Had a scolding cup of tea thrown over me because “I should have shut my mouth” and had blistered skin. My school bag ripped to shreds on my first day of school as I woke up too early. Kicked off a step because I was crying. I can still feel the hair pulling, pinches and slaps now.

I never knew parents loved their children or made them feel good. It’s taken me until my thirties to realise I had an abusive childhood.

Destroyed my self confidence as a child and teen. I was fat, lazy, horrible, a slut.

Then completed the set by having sex with my (now ex) husband whilst I was pregnant.

Screamed and shouted at me at every slight infraction so I just hid more and more from her.

Squared up to me when I had the balls to shout back when she shouted at me, she raised her hand as if to slap me and I said "go on then, do it" and she looked like she was going to deck me.

Told me when I was 13, and accidentally lost my keys that someone will have found them, followed me home and would probably let themselves in and kill us all in our sleep.

When I was 16 she staged an altercation by coming in and ripping my curtains open (I had them closed for glare) and turned my stereo down, I walked over to turn it back up (petulant teen) she put her arm across so when I naturally bumped into it (she was quick) she started yelling for my stepdad ("DP!! She hit me! She hit me!) I just sat on the bed in pure shock as she told me I had to leave, which is bad enough in itself as I had absolutely nowhere to go, but they had already told me I had to leave by a certain date, a few weeks later because they were "sick of my behavior" it still riles me to this day, I wasn't a model teen, but I didn't drink, do drugs, hang out with bad crowds, I just had the audacity to raise my voice a few times.

What I don't understand is why I maintained contact throughout the years, which she thanked me with by ringing social services and trying to have my children removed, not once, not even twice, but FIVE TIMES, I did need a bit of intervention from early help, even this woman was shocked at how many times she had to then bat away accusations (EH worker came to my house once a week)

Needless to say, we are fully NC now, there is so much more I could say but I have already gone long enough.