What's the most awful thing your parent has said or done?

[Clueless2024]

Lots of posts about family estrangement on MN. What is the worst thing your parent has said or done, what was the straw that broke the camels back?

I'll start. My mum called me a "murderer" for having a miscarriage. Like I had a choice in the matter. She also once asked me why I couldn't just "turn a blind eye" when I discovered my DH was cheating.

My mother told me many,many times that I was the band-aid baby that didn't work out.She also told my younger sister this(after meeting new partner)and my sister also proceeded to tell me many many times.I don't blame my sister-she was copying my mother,but I find it baffling she felt the need to tell her

These are hard to read.

Before I was married, I had a MMC at 12 weeks. My nan was staying with me when the bleeding and pain started.

I asked mum to drive the 100 miles to collect nan and take her home. She refused saying she'd been working and was tired.

I went with my husband to drop nan back. Stopping at each service station for more clots to pass in the loo.

It was awful but we were young and although husband drove, I didn't want to be left without him.

Called me an evil c*nt, called me crazy, called me a whore, the list is endless tbh

Oh and calling me asking me to collect the dog so they can kill themselves.

These are all horrific 😥
I wonder why our parents did this to us? I always wonder why when I think what my parents did to me. I too have been told that if they'd have known I had a cleft lip, they'd have aborted me. Just the other week (before I cut them off, see my other thread) my mother called me and said, "when people stare at you in the airport, don't get upset." My nose is a little off centre but isn't everyone's? I am always amazed.
The worst thing, I'm not sure. I think in general, my parents beating me throughout my childhood and teen years. I remember being 17 and came down in some platforms, words were said and I ended up on the floor with her kicking and screaming at me. I am 4'9, slight and I have plates in my jaw. I cannot get knocked.

My brother confessed to my mother that he sexually abused me in a letter she tore it up and said its not true.

She promised to come see ds when he was born. He got to 9 months I asked her why she had not been. She said she does not have to answer to me . But told me she looked after my sisters dog instead. Ds is 17 now . She saw him once when he was 3 that was by accident.

I called her regularly. Would be on the phone for around a min. She would cut me of mid sentence.

I gave up . She's still in contact with all my siblings including the abuser . I will never ever find out why she hates me so much.

Got slapped and very hurtful comments when my parents read the texts of a a guy friend who wanted to ask me out. I was 15. They said something along the lines of nobody wants you. You'll end up pregnant and on the road. Nobody loves you like parents do (even though they slap).

During my wedding they didn't let me choose my dress and other bits (I'm Asian so lots of different ceremonies) and had a lot of opinions. Later on mum said oh we could have done the ceremony your way or let you choose your clothes. No worries you can always choose your "dress" for your sister's wedding.

Years later after my wedding, when I had a baby and PND , my mum said one tight slap will make the "depression" go away. My dad laughed at me when I said that I have dark thoughts and feel very sad. He said it's nothing, forget it.

I talk to them nearly everyday. But I have stopped sharing with them about me. I have casual conversation 5-7 minutes with them about food , meal , my kid, weather, sports and politics.

"I rejected you when you were born before you could reject me"

She just casually came out with it when giving me a lift somewhere. Totally out of the blue while we were waiting at a red light.

I think it was meant to make me feel sorry for her, she thinks everyone always rejects her so apparently decided to get in there first with me.

My dad said I'd destroyed what he'd created when I wanted to do my own thing as a teenager.

Oh and one more

She refused to come and help me with my baby. She said and I quote verbatim "I feel scared of holding new born babies. I felt it was so difficult I couldn't even hold you two (me and sister) without a sleeping nest sort of support." She only held us and dressed us properly after we were 3-4 months old. Before that she only picked us for feeding.

She also said that my dad (he's a good cook) could come to help with food and holding the baby when I needed rest. So he did come. But when my baby was 6 months old. I already had a life with my little one.
Although my dad helped me and DH immensely as we were moving with our 7 month old in to our new property. So all the packing in our rental house and making sure we were fed.

Told me repeatedly through my childhood that she wished I was a cot death statistic.

My dad text me a suicide note. Failed to go through with it, had been a dick yet again to my step mum and brother and was using the threat of suicide to gain sympathy. I was at work and knew that if I called 999 (or my brother/step mum) for help, if he hadn't done it he'd be furious and that would be too much to deal with as he is very emotionally abusive. So I had to sit there all afternoon waiting to hear from someone that he'd done it, or not hearing anything and assuming he hadn't. That was in 2019. He recently walked out the house without his phone/wallet (and frankly he doesn't walk anywhere full stop) after another episode of him losing his shit and being an arsehole, and my brother phoned me whilst he went out looking for him. Neither of us said it, we just stayed on the phone together whilst my brother trawled the area, but we both knew we were expecting my brother to find him dead somewhere. Yet again, he turned up home 2 hours later, nothing said and on as normal.

that is shocking. I hope you reported that, but I understand if you didn’t because it would be exhausting and very triggering.

Trigger warning

I was raped by a friend

At the time I nc,but she has her ways of finding stuff out and has tried to keep tabs on my life,for all my life

About 6 weeks after I went to the police,she found out

She not only got in contact with him to tell him she supported him,she dined out on it with her friends-they wanted the gory details and she didn't know but made it up as she went along-painting me out to be a slag who fucked anyone in trousers

A decent mate of hers had a go at her and said that rather than laughing about it,she should get in touch with me to support me

My mother-oh Catherine!she didn't know she had been raped until the cheque bounced! (Said while laughing her head off)

This got back to me and I promptly had a breakdown,met my now dp not long after and took my attacker to court

He'd told her to fuck off,but that didn't stop her from trying to be in the court to support him

She cheered and dined out when he was found not guilty due to me having the bloody breakdown

Lots more but that is the worst

I'm so, so sorry, everyone. 💐

I was born in a Communist country to a narcissist mother and emotionally abusive (military) father.
Father dead, low contact with her.
When I was five and woke up one morning asking in a polite adult way where my mother was (she was at neighbours), father's response was that she walked away from us because I wasn't good enough. An idea of a joke with a young kid.
When I was 18, he said I was a piece of shit he has to keep.
My generation's upbringing was very tough, any mistake or weakness was severely punished.
Success was overlooked.
I truly hate my parents, still at 45.

I'm so sorry to hear all these awful, cruel stories.

I've had some gynae issues during my early twenties. I finally got pregnant; when I got to 13 weeks, she told me "to be honest, I didn't think you'd get to 12 weeks".

I've had a lifetime of cruel, emotional and physical abuse from her that I went no contact with her when my DC was a toddler.

If you weren’t always so uptight you could have given birth normally.

Said by my mum four days after the emergency section that saved both our lives.

This thread Is so sad, my heart goes out to everyone who has commented x I was told by a parent that 'I shouldn't have done that and I was a bad child' this was after an older cousin witnessed me being 'abused' and told them I was 'having sex'....I was four years old

The day after my darling husband died my vile father thought it was funny to tell my distraught kids that id bumped him off to get my hands on his money- I used to love my dad to bits but I can't even be in the same room as him now

Told me I was thick like my father when I was struggling with maths aged 7 (my bio dad left when I was a baby and I have no memory or contact with him)

told me when I was 15 that i was fat and none would want me (I am indeed fat and have never had an adult relationship)

dragged me down the stairs by my hair aged 8, kicked me when on the floor during an argument aged 8 or 9

after a teenage row, I left to get some air and when I came back she had trashed my room -
swept everything off the sides, broke things, left it a state. That hurt perhaps more than any smack.

I wanted to run away many times when I was little.
I remember having awful illness at Christmas one year and I remember feeling so hurt she didn’t even check on me or bring me a cup of tea - sounds silly but it’s what I would have done for a friend or sibling

she died unexpectedly in 2020 - needless to say, my grieving process has been complicated!

Have you seen the devil on your shoulder thing in cartoons?

That's where the voice in coming from - a tiny version of her standing there. So tiny, in fact, that it would take no effort at all to lift your hand and ping her off into the distance and a muddy puddle/heap of dog shit/whatever you find most amusing.

I wish I had at the time. By the time I got my notes it was far too late. I contacted a lot of solicitors but nobody was able/prepared to help me saying it was too long ago etc that nobody would remember yet i had the full notes ? So it was irrelevant as that was then proof and the consultant was still practicing. Then I gave up on that and started therapy instead

My mum telling me I was a slit like my real mother when I was 12(I'm adopted) I wasn't doing anything wrong just eating my lunch
I was ugly when couldn't I be more like the girl that lived next door
Refused to come to my wedding
Beating me to ground then kicking me when on the floor
Accusing me of beating my little foster sister when I was 10, even though it was her , only because the playgroup teacher noticed brushing on her, the. Telling everyone in the family to not speak to me as I was an evil little bitch
Accusing me of being jealous of my ds when he was a baby(I adore my kids )
When suffering my 10th mmc telling me it was for the best
When i eventually had my youngest ds I was getting induced she said she couldn't visit us as she was getting her hair done .
I did go non contact for many years and wish I'd stayed that way.
She's dead now I'm not sad

Sometimes I worry that I'm not a good enough mother. Maybe sometimes I'm too distracted by my phone, or maybe sometimes I'm not as patient as I could be when I'm tired and overwhelmed.

Then I read threads like this and I realise I'm actually doing a really good job.

I'm so so sorry to all the posters in this thread who have been so badly treated and damaged by the people who are supposed to protect you, to love you most in the world. You all deserve so much better and NONE of it was your fault. I hope you can find peace and healing and family in other places.

I've a total dysfunctional family of origin story, so I wouldn't know where to start.

However, two of those things are, for me, what was not said as well as said.

It was made clear to me that early in life, I was only allowed to be born to look after my late mom in her old age.

I also was never told about my 2 half brothers. I didn't know I had them until I was 36, finding out by accident

The emotional carnage created in my life left deep-rooted problems that I have had to address in life through various specialist therapies