Can you help with a polite one liner to stop these conversations with SILs?

[User1974]

I am very close to DBs and very different to SILs in personality but we all get on ok. I have a specific style which I wear day in day out - and have for 35 years. SIL both love shopping, especially for clothes and discuss clothes a lot, I am not involved in these discussions.

The last 3 times I have seen them together they have tried to arrange a "make over" for me. I get it, they think I wear old stuff and need some pizzazz, but it is just not my style. Also make up, which I do not and have never worn. Also, I have MS and mobility issues and what I wear works for me, I am very very busy.

I have smiled and been sort of evasive but now they are offering dates for my big "make over" and they are super excited. What can I say to firmly but politely tell them, thanks but no thanks.

I need to do some serious eBay research!

@User1974 I have bought some lovely loose wide leg trousers for summer, no fiddly buttons just tie waists from H and M they are so comfortable! I love clothes too but MS has progressed so I'm trying to build a wardrobe that's comfy, easy to wear and looks nice. I thought the Birkenstock type sandals would be good but I have drop foot and finding them hard to walk in

The pair of them honestly sound a bit dim and small-minded. I'd probably just reply that you're not interested in a makeover and that you're getting a bit bored of the topic being raised repeatedly, then change the conversation to something more pleasant e.g. "How's DN getting along with x..."

It's easier to shut things down in business than it is with in-laws because it's less personal, so don't think that OP is coming across as a incongruous in being successful in business yet not shutting down her SILs.

I have to do a lot of nodding and smiling with my SIL while she accuses me of being close-minded for not wanting to consult her 'shaman' for major life decisions (whilst the same shaman has not helped her avoid all the cockups she's made in her own life!), but I'm a complete shark in a board room if needed to be!

Also OP thanks for the eBay link! That's my evening sorted!

I got a reply!

"Don't stress, it's all our treat, we want to thank you for (mentions something I did with all the DC). You do so much for everyone else and we think it is time for you to do have some YOU time"

OMG they are so sweet and well intentioned. I am a miserable old witch in a black smock, whacking the pretty princesses with a broomstick aren't I? 😭😭

Still not a fucking chance I am going btw! 😂

Tell them whilst a makeover isn't your thing, you wouldn't say no to a nice bottle of Moët?

OMG they are so sweet and well intentioned. I am a miserable old witch in a black smock, whacking the pretty princesses with a broomstick aren't I?

Yes you are. I wonder if they are on here. People bang on about being "outed". You've posted enough to be identified.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle It's funny but having a life shortening debilitating condition leaves me with few fucks to give 😂😂

I'm sure you don't. Still you've had your little laugh and back - slapping validation.

So what’s stopping you just telling them how it is?

You wrote “"Don't stress, it's all our treat, we want to thank you for (mentions something I did with all the DC). You do so much for everyone else and we think it is time for you to do have some YOU time"” @User1974 … to that I’d have to reply something like this:
You’re very kind but a make-over just isn’t my thing and I don’t want to waste your time and money on it. I’d rather have X or Y or do A or B instead if you really want to thank me.
and pick something in the price range of a make-over for them to consider. Then don’t mention it or give it another thought.

I've replied pretty much as you said. They are lovely and love my DC so much, they are just overbearing. I am pretty quiet and they misunderstand me.

If they persist, just say “Look, I really don’t want to fall out with you about this. I don’t want to get a make-over, so can we please change the subject before we all get really mad with each other?”

Mine is well meaning too. She would buy me acrylic when I would wear cotton and wouldn’t get the difference in the feels. I always bake a cake - she bought me some horror from Tesco that the kids tried and retired because we are massive food nobs. They live in fear of our baking gifts and say nice tunings while putting them in the cupboard to never reappear. At lest they care huh.
The best thing on this thread (sorry from the link - thanks) was your reference to your proud and defensive children. I get a bit gooey when kids appreciate awesome mums.

im glad someone else said it. All of the elaboration and making stuff up. Just no is fine. If people really must have an answer “autonomy” completes the next sentence.

I was completely with you OP initially but this thread has taken an odd turn.

From me being gobsmacked at how rude your sister in laws are, I'm now leaning towards understanding exactly why they are.

Your latest posts sound very classist.

What a load of old tripe.

So you’re the cool girl and they are a couple of Karens?

How come you need help asserting yourself with them, given that you’re so cool, confident and effortlessly stylish?

I would say that “I’m very grateful for the thought, effort and generosity and, if they really insist that they want to do something meaningful for you, you will accept a day/weekend at a spa (or whatever you’d really like instead) as you will get much more benefit from that & obviously they have your best interests at heart” and then sit back and either get a gift you really want or just watch the tumbleweed

I was sympathetic, but on reading later posts, it’s obvious that you just want to complain about your SIL and how they’re not as cool and natural as you.

Are you Indian though? Because even if it works for your aunt, the reason she has long hair might mainly be cultural which may not be the case for you and so saying “if it works her it works for me” may be a little… I dunno, culturally insensitive perhaps?

@RingBinger
Is having long hair when being older culturally insensitive now? I know a few ladies who are older than me with long hair, I have long hair at 35 (although I cut a good chunk off last week because the split ends were driving me mad, even with that it's still past my elbows.) I always thought it just meant we liked our hair long? (We're all white and British.) The idea that long hair is aging on older women annoys me no end, especially if it's greying, because then you look like a witch (apparently.) Sounds good to me! I already have a white streak and will embrace my witchiness when the time comes.

Just firmly and politely say 'I don't want a makeover thank you' and leave it at that. If they bring it up again, you can say 'I've said no thank you' and repeat this as necessary. If they get in a huff with you, that's really not your problem. You don't have to engage in something you really don't want to do, just to please them. I'd find it quite rude and insulting actually to be told I need a makeover!

Is having long hair when being older culturally insensitive now?

@SapphireSeptember NO, OF COURSE NOT.

But is the (presumably) non-Indian OP citing her Indian aunt as a reason why she has long hair and saying "if it works for her, it works for me" culturally insensitive? Yes, perhaps, a bit, although I'm not sure which is why I asked the question.

I don't know why the OP mentioned that her aunt is Indian if not because her being Indian is relevant to why the aunt has long hair - that's why I asked.

FWIW, I am 51 and also have long hair. (And it wouldn't occur to me to refer to any other woman to justify why I do so.)

@User1974 Some replies to your comments:

They are nice people but very rigid and have a much smaller world than we do.

"We"????!!!!! Have you met all Mumsnetters? You might want to hang out in the Higher Education section some time 😂

I only own 1 bag and use it all day every day: a mulberry mini anthony.

Lol at the namedrop of the designer handbag.

Recently SIL was very shocked to see us mentioned in the National Press but immediately said "It's great how they seek out and promote little cottage businesses like this isn't it?" 😂

Since both your SILs and brothers think this, maybe due to you being so cool and humble she wasn't being bitchy and down-playing but genuinely thinks yours is a little cottage business.

Just be nice1974, always be nice.

Except on Mumsnet 😜

I like the Japanese way, stay cool, stay calm, be as pleasant as possible.

I'm half-Japanese and can tell you that the subtext of this is not "but then go on an international forum that frequently gets quoted in the press and slag off and laugh about your relatives".

SIL kept on prodding it "She seemed blind drunk, it's only 2pm"

Tbf, I'd think the same about someone who was crying and hugging you in gratitude in a restaurant at the weekend over something she presumably had been told about at work and who you admitted yourself had clearly had a bit to drink.

I am incredibly resilient

With respect, you're not, or you wouldn't be on here bitching 'having a laugh about' your SILs. And that's OK.

They are also all much richer than me - DBs very high earners :)

Aw, do you not have a high-earning husband too? 🙃

"Don't stress, it's all our treat, we want to thank you for (mentions something I did with all the DC). You do so much for everyone else and we think it is time for you to do have some YOU time"

What a pair of utter cunts.

Whats this?

Do you have to be indian now to have long hair?