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Original poster

Hotel guest asking me to steal his number

442 replies

Mangococktail · 28/06/2024 21:30

I work on a hotel front desk at an upmarket hotel. Love my job.

We had a guest check in for two nights. We hit it off. He extended his stay by two more nights then another night then another.

We chatted lots including for 3 hours straight one night when I came off shift. My colleagues know I've never done anything like this before...I liked him.

When he left he tipped big and gave me a small personal gift that he knew I'd like.

He said he'd come back for lunch on Tuesday. I said well if I'm not here I hope you enjoy it. I don't know my shifts.

He then asked me to keep in touch and said I could get his number off the booking system. I told him I absolutely couldn't do that.

He said I could as he'd just given me permission.

We really got on and I'd like to see him again but I really can't be taking guests numbers off the system.

Why not just give me his number??
What do you all think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mangococktail · 06/07/2024 20:44

Bluebellbear · 06/07/2024 20:11

People telling the OP she’s cold called
my goodness leave the poor woman alone!
she’s not selling something and stealing his data.
the man was clearly a time waster. Move on.

access to the safe “putting yourself in danger”
again… nonsense! We’re all pretty “anon”.

OP all the best it’s 2024 and if women can’t support women.. what hope do we have for anyone else to support us!

you’ll meet someone when you least expect if… if that’s what you want.

Thank you!!!

I still feel a bit sad and confused about it.

OP posts:
Picklelily99 · 06/07/2024 21:46

Well he's told YOU you've got permission to take his number, but if his WIFE answers the 'phone he can deny all knowledge!

mumofTKN · 06/07/2024 22:02

Maybe he didn't show up because he didn't think you were interested because you didn't call him?

Interested in this thread?

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Holidays
relaxandfocus · 06/07/2024 23:59

bellocchild · 28/06/2024 21:48

If he isn't on the level, he could later say you took his number and are harassing him.

Show quote history

Be careful. I thought this as well. If he is already in a relationship he has the lame excuse of “but she contacted me” BS.

xxxjanxxx · 07/07/2024 00:06

I think it's a diffiult decision depending whether you follow your own instinct or advice from strangers.. ......

Some women on MN would say that you should be the one to take the initiative.
Some women on MN would say he should be the one to take the initiative

.And a lot of women - on the whole - still wait for the man to take the initiative.
(nothing wrong with that )

And then you've got the women on MN who think that men like to do the chasing' and if women appear 'too interested' 'too early' then it's game over,

it's too exhausting!

Text the guy and say ' if you'd like to have lunch, then text me so we can arrange something' - and just take it from there - depending how confident you feel in how he repies,

Don't have any expectations. See what happens. And just decide from there.

(and i'm still waiting for the recipe please!! 😊)

jsterr1 · 07/07/2024 01:29

Mangococktail · 28/06/2024 21:35

Yes. I've no intention of taking his number from the system.

I just wondered why on earth he would suggest it!

I'm going to take a wild stab at he's already in a relationship. If you call and his s/o finds out, he can safely say he never gave you his number absolving him of guilt, in their eyes. Now YOU are the homewrecker and he's not a cheater on a technicality that he created.
This is the same type of situation when a guy won't let you come over his place because of a "bad roommate". That bad roommate js invariably a wife or gf. There are 3.5 billion guys on the planet. Go find a different one that you connect with.
This is a red flag that you should NOT ignore.

FlipFlop1987 · 07/07/2024 10:18

I was going to say this is odd but then remembered my husband said similar to me. Not in a hotel but in a public service and all employees numbers were held in the system and he said ‘feel free to message me, my number’s on the system’. Never even thought that it could come back on me for using it for personal reasons. Oh well we’ve been together 10 years now, don’t think he’ll complain!

Thegoldentealeaf · 07/07/2024 12:19

I'm sorry if someone else has already suggested it, but have you considered that he may have just been pushing you to see how far you might go to be with him? His behaviour would suggest a certain narcissistic streak. If you were to 'give in', break rules and risk your job, it could confirm to him that you may be manipulated in whatever future you might have had together, too. He was no doubt charming (charm being potentially another tool to manipulate with), but I would be concerned that he might ultimately be out to control.

jrc1071 · 07/07/2024 13:15

Mangococktail · 28/06/2024 21:30

I work on a hotel front desk at an upmarket hotel. Love my job.

We had a guest check in for two nights. We hit it off. He extended his stay by two more nights then another night then another.

We chatted lots including for 3 hours straight one night when I came off shift. My colleagues know I've never done anything like this before...I liked him.

When he left he tipped big and gave me a small personal gift that he knew I'd like.

He said he'd come back for lunch on Tuesday. I said well if I'm not here I hope you enjoy it. I don't know my shifts.

He then asked me to keep in touch and said I could get his number off the booking system. I told him I absolutely couldn't do that.

He said I could as he'd just given me permission.

We really got on and I'd like to see him again but I really can't be taking guests numbers off the system.

Why not just give me his number??
What do you all think?

Odds are he is married.

Do NOT risk your job and get his number off the booking. If you did, and things went sour, he could 'frame' you for harrassment, etc.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 07/07/2024 13:24

Thank you for these helpful comments.

He hasn't called in for lunch or booked another stay so the chapter is closed.

I definitely overestimate men's interest.

But extending his stay seemed quite significant to me as he gave me to believe it was to spend time with me and that he very much enjoyed spending time with me.

I guess he didn't that much!!

OP posts:
TheSquareMile · 07/07/2024 13:36

@Mangococktail

You said that you stopped going out on dates 5 years ago, OP.

Did something happen which made you feel that you wanted to stop dating?

Original poster
Mangococktail · 07/07/2024 14:43

TheSquareMile · 07/07/2024 13:36

@Mangococktail

You said that you stopped going out on dates 5 years ago, OP.

Did something happen which made you feel that you wanted to stop dating?

Yes. Two abusive relationships and then just realising I'm much happier on my own.

Plus I guess, which this has reinforced, the fact that men tend to find me amusing and characterful but never actually want to go out with me makes me not even want to try!

OP posts:
VeryHappyBunny · 07/07/2024 17:36

He might even be a "secret guest" like a secret shopper to find out if any employees are flouting the rules. If you had looked up his number you could have got into very serious trouble. Ask a few colleagues if the same man asked them to do things they shouldn't - extra peanuts in the mini bar! or a freebie dressing gown. Smaller companies often hire these sorts to find out if their staff are doing their jobs properly and not breaking any rules.

If he's on the level and interested he will come back, if he doesn't you're no worse off and at least you still have your job.

Original poster
Mangococktail · 07/07/2024 18:40

VeryHappyBunny · 07/07/2024 17:36

He might even be a "secret guest" like a secret shopper to find out if any employees are flouting the rules. If you had looked up his number you could have got into very serious trouble. Ask a few colleagues if the same man asked them to do things they shouldn't - extra peanuts in the mini bar! or a freebie dressing gown. Smaller companies often hire these sorts to find out if their staff are doing their jobs properly and not breaking any rules.

If he's on the level and interested he will come back, if he doesn't you're no worse off and at least you still have your job.

He absolutely is not. We are a small family owned hotel and after a few suggesting this I must state that nothing about the interaction or the owners' reactions supports this.

I appreciate you thinking of this though!

He checked out almost 2 weeks back. He'd have been back by now if interested.

I've learned guys checking in might like you. Like they like the bar olives and the free toiletries.

They don't see you as a person.

I really thought he did.

I was wrong x

OP posts:
VeryHappyBunny · 07/07/2024 19:04

Mangococktail · 07/07/2024 18:40

He absolutely is not. We are a small family owned hotel and after a few suggesting this I must state that nothing about the interaction or the owners' reactions supports this.

I appreciate you thinking of this though!

He checked out almost 2 weeks back. He'd have been back by now if interested.

I've learned guys checking in might like you. Like they like the bar olives and the free toiletries.

They don't see you as a person.

I really thought he did.

I was wrong x

Show quote history

Oh well, ships in the night. If you're unlucky there will be another oddball along in a week or two and at least you've got this experience to learn from and take the next one with a pinch of salt.

TheSquareMile · 07/07/2024 21:12

@Mangococktail

There's someone out there for you, Mangococktail.

I think that the difficulty for you may be that you are most likely to run into men who appeal to you while working at the hotel. The very nature of the situation is going to be that your time with them is limited.

Although the outcome of this particular situation isn't what you hoped, you can draw a lot of positives from it.

I still think that doing something which widens your circle of friends will help you; if there is anything you can join where you meet men on a regular basis, like a tennis club or a church, go for it.

I know several people who met and married someone in that way; some of them met suitable men at church, others met someone at amateur operatics,

I know of one woman who met her partner through joining as a RN Reservist.

There may be a unit in your area, if that might interest you.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/royal-navy-reserves

Don't be disheartened by what has happened with this man. To be honest, although you liked him and he liked you, I'm not sure he would have offered you what you are looking for.

Aria999 · 08/07/2024 01:10

@Mangococktail you sound very fun and level headed. His loss!

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