Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

The original comment was worse but I wouldn't want to have a drink with either of them!

You should be backing your husband not questioning his response

The other guy's comment to your DH was personal at a visceral level and extremely loaded. YABU not to support your DH's feelings in this.

You DH's comeback to the other man was not great, but your DH was caught off guard and he's probably thinking in hindsight he could have said other things, but one doesn't expect such twatery in an adult setting. Give him a break.

Not borderline racist. Just racist.

Calling any racism 'borderline' minimises it.

It was a racist comment, period.

This

All comb-overs should be called out anyway...would you trust the judgement of a lawyer who has such a ridiculous thing?

The comb over guy’s comment was far worse than your husband’s. It was racist and disgusting. Your husband’s was absolutely mild in the circumstances.

The more I think about this, the more I think that, while he was absolutely in the right, there were better ways to handle this, particularly in the context of a lawyers networking meeting. Not because what he said was "unkind and uncalled for" (wtf??) but because he let the other guy set the terms of engagement. Asking him to explain himself, (which would be publicly humiliating because he couldn't without confirming he was a dick) then making sure that he had his name and the name of his firm so that he knows where to send his formal complaint should probably have been better. But hey...

Combover is a racist prick. If anything your DH's reply was too good humoured.

Not much of a networking event, was it?

It’s wasn’t a joke becuase it wasn’t funny. I wouldn’t have even got it without your explanation. Mr Comb-over is clearly a complete prick. Your DH probably would have come off better if he had just walked away or said ‘wow that’s racist’ or something. Will there be repercussions? Do they have to work together?

I actually think it was a perfect response.

The man tried to make others laugh at your DH's expense, it backfired. He'll probably think twice before making racist comments in future.

The other guy was out of order. I don't blame your husband for hitting back.

I get a lot of sheep jokes or rain jokes because of my accent. It's very wearing and not funny. Also racist. When I (semi seriously) threaten colleagues with HR, they really don't get why. But that's because if you're stupid enough to make a joke like that in the first place, you wouldn't understand, would you?

This is either a reverse or bs because no sane person would be this worried about the feelz of a xenophobic prick who insulted their husband in public.

I don't understand that suggestion at all.

The other man was horrifyingly rude, and that you don’t acknowledge the xenophobia your husband just faced is startling.

you say the other man’s comment wasn’t personal, how can a comment about someone’s voice not be personal?

your husband responded with verbal retaliation when the ideal situation probably would have been to have ignored it, but
i don’t think you should have any opinion about it at all, certainly not a complaint about how your husband dealt with it. He didn’t come to blows

The other man sounds a peach - makes unprompted racist remarks to strangers at social events AND has a combover?! Where can I meet him (sarcasm)

Comb over guys comment was way worse. It was completely unprovoked, racist and about your husband's identity - a fundamental part of him that he couldn't change even if he wanted to.

Comb over guy could change his hairstyle if he wanted to, his hair might be physically part of him but it's not part of him in the same way someone's ethnicity is.

I also don't think people should be too hard on the husband for his reply - he made a childish retort in the heat of the moment when sorely provoked. Not great but who can blame him.

the combover man deserved it

Good for your hubby. Next time Mister Comb over might think twice before making racist comments!

I also think the comb over comeback was well deserved. Good for your DH.

Imagine that incident went to a formal complaint via HR.
Mr Comb-over is in the greater trouble for Xenophobia.

My grandparents were Welsh and Irish, living in England. The Welsh ones lived openly as Welsh. The Irish adopted RP English, anglicised their names and had to abandon their heritage because of "jokes", OP.

You're being incredibly insensitive to your husband's background OP.