Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

I get horrid comments & disgusting joke names about being short. People think they're funny. Less than it used to, but it still happens occasionally.

I say 'That was offensive & not funny. Please don't comment on my height again'.

Most reasonable people are embarrassed. If they laugh or say geez it was a joke... I offer to joke comment on their clothes/teeth/whatever. I mean, they're not happy, but my message has been delivered loud & clear.

If someone had made the comment about me being on Crimewatch, I'd tell them if they repeat that comment again, I just might well be on it.....

Team Husband here too…..

I think you would get in trouble with HR for the crime watch comment but not the combover. The other person is the one at fault here how rude of him

The other bloke shouldn't be dishing it out if he can't take it back. Good on your dh in my opinion!

Imagine if comb-over said that to a client? He can try and dress it up as joking all he wants, but it was inappropriate.

I'm definitely on your DH's side here

Team husband. Comb Over was rude and very personal. Husband gave as good as he got. Comb Over deserved it.

Your husband was in the right although a better retort would have been faux naivety “what do you mean? Why do I sound like I should be on crime watch? You’ll have to explain it to me” and make him spell it out.

Combover shouldn’t hand it out if he can’t take it.

As an aside why do men walk around with a combover, do they think we can’t see they’re bald? Just shave it off.

Hold on a minute..... you say that this random guy made a "joke" about an irishman to be a criminal because of his accent? Am I getting this right? This idiot jokes about all Irish being thieves or something like that?
Well done to your DH! 👏👏👏👏

The crimewatch comment was off the charts ignorant.

The other guy was in the wrong.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it. Your colleague was really rude.

The other guy shouldn't have give 'banter' if he can't take it 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have worked in places where this kind of exchange is usual. It can be alarming to outsiders. It is also bloody hard work if you are in there.
It is as bad as 'military' humour where everything is turned into a joke before the main task is tackled.

I’m inclined to agree with this

First comment completely unnecessary and derogatory and definitely warranted a comeback. Tbh rightly or wrongly I would have spat my tea out at the comb over comment. Good on your husband you should back him

The first man's attempt at a joke was also personal. And clearly intented to offend. Blokes like this will always use the excuse of banter when it comes to jokes, but they know what they're doing and as soon as someone gives it back and makes it about them they can't handle it. These twats need putting in their place sometimes and a cutting remark like that is sometimes the way to do it.

it sounds like a playground and (also as a lawyer) there would be serious professional issues arising for me. I think your husband was probably morally justified but neither are safe !

I'm with your husband on this one. Deeply xenophobic. Comb over man got off lightly.

What the first guy said was appalling. But I'm surprised that a lawyer couldn't come back with something more intelligent and cutting than a combover insult.

Give-it canny take-its are the worst. Also, comb-overs are a bit tragic, so there is that.

Fair play to yer man there, no foul.

First guy was worse - and an asshole. It's tiresome being Irish in the UK when those attitudes still persist - it was much worse years ago, but still pops up now and then. Your husband's reply was a bit 'unkind' but so what - the guy deserves to feel self-conscious making stupid remarks like that. A lot of English people don't see those kind of jibes as racist or xenophobic, but they are.

I was recently in your husbands situation, hearing another dad joking with my non-Irish husband about how hard Irish people are to understand (I was in earshot, but the rude dad hadn't heard me speak) and my husband just let it slide. I was RAGING.
Also, combovers are appalling, but ultimately a bold personal style choice, and thus up for comment, as would be the case for a fancy hat. Accents are not a style choice, and derogatory comments are clearly very not ok.

Completely with your DH. I am half Irish and last year I obtained Irish citizenship. I happened to mention to MIL that I was applying for it and she replied, “oh I wouldn’t do that, people will think you’re in the IRA”. FFS.

Good on your husband