Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

The other guy deserved it. Shouldn’t have made any comment about your husbands accent. Someone insulted our ds20 on a family night out recently and my Dh wasn’t slow with the come back. It was hilarious.
I think you need to have your dh’s back here.

Don't blame your husband for saying what he said.

But he could have made then feel awkward to interrogate them on why they thought he sounded like a criminal.

The other guy was rude too. It’s not just jibes at personal appearance that can hurt or annoy. Your husband was a bit childish to retaliate, might have been better to make it clear that the guy had overstepped the mark. But I don’t really see him being at fault. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

He chose to have a shit comb over. Surely attacking your husbands accent and joking that he's a terrorist is far more personal?

I do not think anti-semitism should be trivialised. Certainly not compared to catholics complaining about nothing,

Are you saying you think Irish Catholics historically have had nothing to complain about?

Do explain.

Just here for the clarification really...

Well, I’m certainly all ears!

You must have missed this earlier post so I've copied it again for you.

I think Irish people have had their fair share of oppression by Britain.
A few anti Irish tropes that still perpetuate today...
Thick Micks
Stupid Paddies
Thieving pikeys
Drunks
Breeders of numerous children
Terrorists - as a pp mentioned it comes with a specific anti Catholic slant accusing people of being in the IRA, never the UVF or any other Protestant paramilitary group
And let's not forget
Dispossession of Irish lands by Britain in the 16th and 17th centuries.
The Plantation of Ulster when large numbers of Scottish and English Protestant settlers were encouraged to move there, build towns and churches and were given the best lands.
25% of the population dead or displaced because of the famine
1 million people starved in a famine that the British government deliberately chose not to alleviate
1 million people displaced across the world in the same famine
The Irish war of independence in the early 20th century that saw many executed by the British state
Catholics discriminated against in relation to jobs and housing with blatant preference given to pro British Protestants.
Internment in the 1970s when thousands of people were locked up without trial
Groups of Irish people served lengthy prison sentences for offences they did not commit based on evidence fabricated by the police.
I could go on but the legacy of 500 years of British oppression does not disappear overnight. These tropes are still here today and ingrained in some people even if it is a bald tosser at a works do.
There's a reason why the Equality Act 2010 covers anti-Irish discrimination and prejudice. It's because it still exists.
You're welcome.

I think that @Wellfancythis is a bit off her head, or just says things to get a reaction. Probably best not to give her posts any oxygen. I am aware that this has just given her posts oxygen, but this is the last time.

So you see me saying that that ‘antisemitism is no worse that prejudice and abuse suffered by other groups’ as trivialising it. Yet you trivialise the abuse and prejudice suffered by another group in your response! That says it all really. The reality is that Jews are not more important than other oppressed people and saying that does not make me an antisemite.

As I said before, discrimination, prejudice and abuse are equally valid in whatever situation. It is not a competition. In the 1500s Henry VIII effectively banned Catholicism, destroyed abbeys and monasteries and murdered countless nuns, priests and monks. This is no better or worse than the treatment of Jews by the Nazis. If you were burnt to death at the stake or killed in gas chambers the end result is still the same. Instead of the ridiculous idea of "our abuse is worse than your abuse" why don't people try working together to ensure this, and similar atrocities are not repeated.

So you’re projecting because your dad was sensitive? Making fun of someone’s NI accent is not ok, it’s xenophobic and makes me think that a black rapper might use the ‘n’ word, but god forbid a white rapper uses it, it would not be acceptable. Mentioning the IRA in the context of an NI accent is appalling, imo. A dignified silence would have been better, but the idiot making a highly offensive, personal comment about your DH’s accent deserved a personal comment back.

I agree with you. I was replying to @Wellfancythis who said that Irish Catholics have been complaining about nothing 🤷‍♀️

I know, I was just endorsing what you said, I think@Wellfancythis has form for this sort of thing. Anyone with an atom of common sense knows that throughout history there has been oppression and discrimination against all manner of different groups of people with religion probably at the top of the list. Whether it was last week or hundreds of years ago doesn't make it more or less wrong.

The love of money may be the root of all evil, but on the evidence of this post religion seems to be a major contributor to a lot of the World's ills.

I always thought all religions were supposed to be about love and tolerance but it only takes a few who spout hate to cause so much trouble.

@VeryHappyBunny those who are religious tend to say it’s about love, but my impression is that it produces more bigotry and war, than it does love.

A guy I worked with once responded to a joke about him being ginger from the ‘bantering’ colleague in the office with a ‘fuck off you fat cunt, go and eat another biscuit’ - the slightly tubby bloke looked stunned, but he didn’t ever mention the red hair again …

Religion is about political power and controlling the population. Always has been. YOU do things the way I SAY our god/s want them or YOU are going to suffer…

The irony being of course, that religion and religious wars have caused endless suffering in this world already.

Absolutely, also Karl Marx’s view that religion is “the opiate of the people” still stands. Placating the poor and oppressed by telling them they will be rewarded in heaven etc.

I don't want rewarding in Heaven, I want rewarding in the here and now, preferably by adding a couple of zeros at the end of my bank balance.