Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

I think the other guy's comment was far worse!
He was calling him (and everyone from NI presumably) a criminal and terrorist?

It wasn't just a bad joke. You are minimising this.

Imagine saying the same thing to a person of colour based on their accent. Can you imagine that?

It was a horrendous thing to say!!!

I wouldn't be worried about your DH's response in such circumstances, I would be checking he was ok.

No, the combover guy was out of order. Back your husband, that’s very rude and insulting to Northern Irish what the man said. If your husband had did the “right thing” and educated him on how offensive it was he would’ve been called sensitive or woke or something.

So sometimes you just need to throw back an insult - hope the man learnt a lesson that if you can’t take it don’t give it out!

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

Spot on ! The other guy knew exactly what he was saying

Imagine saying the same thing to a person of colour based on their accent. Can you imagine that?

I don’t need to imagine it. It’s actually happened to me - and far worse -and to many other POC.

OPs husband was perfectly right to speak out and everyone should when these things happen.

This is similar to what I think
xenophobia is akin to racism, there is no place for it in a modern Britain!

that being said I think instead of insulting the guy which looks very tit for tat and juvenile he should have pulled him up on his behaviour.

I'm Irish. IRA jokes are not funny, nor is someone taking the piss out of accents. It is deeply Xenophobic and deeply personal. Your husband was restrained and if I was him, I would be seriously pissed at you for not having my back.

Honestly, that's what I thought. And I seldom side with the blokes on these kinds of threads! 😃

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

Do you think having your accent belittled and being likened to terrorists doesn't make someone feel self-conscious OP?
You accent is more a part of you than a hairstyle imho.

I’m totally with your husband here for all the reasons stated by other posters. How dare the other man make the comment he did. Perhaps he’ll think twice before saying such a stupid thing again. If so, your husband has very possibly saved a lot of people from being similarly insulted.

What the other man said was offensive. What year husband said was just banter between men. We're always winding my BIL up about covering his bald patch. Doesn't bother him.

The Irish are a proud people. 😁

Baldy-Mac-Combover got what he deserved.

Your husband = Legend

The other guy started it and said something far worse. Isn't this what blokes call banter anyway.

English people are always making racist and xenophobic comments and thinking it's okay. It's so weird and baffling, because they're all about politeness in other ways. It's aggressive and small minded! And I bet the combover wasn't nice at all.

Live by the sword, die by the sword, Combover.

On the other hand, I do say to my children, no comments about personal appearance. Your husband's comeback was weak. I expect better from children. He needs to practise more.

Combover deserved it. What he said was far worse.

This. 100%. Think your DH had a good come-back. Obviously good enough to piss the man off. He should have replied to his "getting personal" comment with "personal is better than xenophobic". What a wanker (the other bloke, not your DH).

The other guy’s comment was far worse than your husband’s comb over comment..
It wasn’t kind to mention his hair but the guy was the one who started with the personal comments.

I’m with your husband and even if I wasn’t, why are you trying to shame him over his interaction with an obvious asshole? He’s a lawyer, the other guy is a lawyer. Trust me, they’ve hear worse and said worse. Back your man here! It costs you nothing.

The occasion sounds more like an opportunity to establish a male dominance hierarchy than a networking event.

They should have both have been sent out of the room and made to stand in the corridor.

I think his comment back while not the wittiest definitely was nicer than I would have been.

"The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'."
And picking on your husband's accent wasn't personal?

Nah, the guy behaved like a prick, tried to make your husband feel small to make himself feel big. Your husband turned the tables on him, and he didn't like it.

"I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?"
No, I do not agree. It was no more unkind than what was said to him about his accent, and it absolutely was called for. If it made him feel self-conscious, tough shit. He was trying to make your husband feel self-conscious about his accent, maybe trying to make your husband reluctant to speak - which would have made it very hard for him to network. I wonder if that was the motivation for this guy's comment?

I think you should be more supportive of your husband over this incident. He didn't start it, the other guy did. What your husband did was shut him down and finish it. Totally justified.

I think that we don't owe kindness to people who treat us badly and the other man being outraged at your DHs response needs to learn that. Calling people out occasionally is a good thing in my view.