Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

You have just proved my point. Your discrimination as a Jewish feminist must be worse than that of an Irish Catholic man.

Discrimination is not a fucking competition.

Is anti-semitic troupe a new act on Britain's Got Talent?

Fair enough if it was a typo, but I didn't realise this as the typo also made perfect grammatical sense.

EDIT: And I now see that it wasn't actually a typo at all, so as we were.

I thought I'd made it clear when I originally cited that - but I may well not have done - that I was meaning other people, not related to Stan or his family, who had picked that up and still quoted it decades later, every time somebody mentioned Germans in any context.

No, you did say does he have the right. The thing is by ignoring these things, irrespective of when they occurred, gives them tacit approval. We have to keep alive the memory of atrocities to try to prevent them from happening again.

That is really offensive. Of course Jews receive antisemitism, but that is not worse than other prejudice and abuse suffered by other groups.

I originally said "How long did some people labour that Stan Boardman quip about 'them Germans bombing our chip shop' for? Decades afterwards."

I'm not belittling Stan's right to hate the people responsible for killing his brother in any way, but I was originally pointing to the people who took it up as a racist trope and went with it for decades afterwards - whether they had lost loved ones to the Germans in the war or not.

Imagine the uproar if the guy had said a black person looked like he should be on crime watch. Equally inappropriate. Likely that it’s not the first comment your husband has had to endure so good for him for standing up for himself!

Your colleague was in the wrong in the first place.
He was inferring that your husband was a criminal because of his accent, which is almost racist really. But your coming at your husband for a remark, although unkind, about his hair?!

^ this

Good on your husband - good he put the xenophobe in his place!

All these people saying he's childish, I disagree. There is nothing better than watching the "banter" bully be put in there place! I would of high fived dh for that comeback with out a doubt!

Each were arses. But the other guy started it. Your husband’s accent is as personal as the guy’s comb over - only thing is, the guy chose to do a comb over and chose to insult your husband first. Your husband’s accent is by birth/growing up. It is her personal.

good outcome though is that this guy should now think twice before insulting someone.

your husband is now known not to be a push over.

another come back from your husband would have been preferred, preferably calling out the guy for being an rude arse, rather than stooping to the other guy’s level trading insults.

That's the problem, we all think of the witty riposte about 5 minutes too late. I think I have only thought of one in all my year's on the planet. I used to go round pubs collecting for charity and when I got to one group of lads and asked them, the general concensus was naah, but one put his hand in his pocket. I waited for a moment to be told fuck off to which I replied I'm sorry, but when you put your hand in your pocket I thought it was for money, I didn't realise you were just playing with yourself. He was fuming but his mates thought it was hilarious and they all put money in the tin.

The comment about the crime watch was potentially racist but then husband was also unkind. Should have pulled comb over guy up on his comment and drawn attention to how offensive it was rather than been mean back as now both in the wrong.

not a great start to a networking event

Mean/unkind and racist are in no way equal.

Tbh the other guy started it and don’t give it if you can’t take it! I think they were quite a similar level of ‘joke’ neither worse than the other really!

That’s a remarkably ill-informed opinion. Do you genuinely think ethnic slurs equate to comments about a hair style?

I doubt that it was intended to be taken in a kindly way, but on the surface, it isn't necessarily any kind of slur to say "nice" followed by a person's hairstyle.

The only assumption is that he did not actively choose a combover, like he might have done another style, but rather went for it only in an attempt to hide his bald patch; but for all we know, there may be men out there who do deliberately choose to proudly own and rock the combover look - just like a lot of older people feel self-conscious about their grey hair and don't like to draw attention to it, but an increasing number of people are actively dying their naturally black/brown/blonde hair grey, as they really like the look that it gives them.

By contrast, it is definitely never potentially intended to be a compliment to say that somebody sounds like a terrorist.

This man made a racist comment to your DH. It’s equivalent to saying to a black man “you look like you should be on crime watch”. Irish people have historically experienced systemic racism in the UK. I thought this was largely a thing of the past, but clearly not! Commenting on a combover, which is a personal choice that can be changed in an instant, is much less offensive.

Or not offensive at all. He did say NICE combover, kind of a compliment. If the first guy had said that with your knowledge of the law you should be presenting Crimewatch, then different thing altogether.

Hopefully the first guy will think before he opens his mouth in the future and the second guy's wife might try being more supportive of her husband

Based on title alone I was about to respond that’s out of order but after reading the rest your man is 100% in the right the other guy deserved it plus it’s a funny come back if he can’t take it shouldn’t have dished it out

Other guy totally started it?!

BTW LOVE an Irish accent and can’t believe I didn’t marry an Irish dude 😂 people be cray cray

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Can’t stand people that start things and can’t take it back.
Husband was immature but in the heat of the moment was probably dumbfounded and retaliated quickly without thought - understandable and not worth worrying over.

Any man having a comb-over is vane, pathetic and should be more careful about personal comments to others. Well done DH!

Descriminatory comment from a solicitor labeled as "banter" out of order.
Bullying comment about appearance as retaliation out of order. But human and understandable.

Neither particularly glowing and no drinks yet consumed either. Both could be written up if either made a complaint as part of a workplace social policy (doubt this would happen but the former would be considered more seriously).