Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

Seeing as you have been reduced to making anti Irish slurs yourself “the Irish temper?!”, I think that’s a wise choice.

I agree with this

You can stop scratching your head, it was a joke about the Troubles.

So you assert but where's your proof in the face of evidence that the troubles ended so long ago that any such joke is outdated by over a quarter of a century? I didn't get it.

Are people from Northern Ireland regularly and over-proportionately depicted as criminal suspects on "Crimewatch"? I thought not.

Just because you’re underinformed, don’t assume other people’s prejudices don’t linger. I lived in England between 1997 and 2019. I was still getting IRA references in 2019.

I haven't read a single reply to this thread.

Fuck that guy. Good for your husband for not being a doormat to that idiot's bullshit. If you dish it, you should be able to take it.

I think your DH was very restrained if he is from Northern Ireland and was accused of being in the IRA. That is so many kinds of wrong, I cant believe comb-over man thought hair was more personal than being called a terrorist.

There are many, myself included, who disagree. The husband fell into a trap by retaliating. It is probably his remark which will be remembered as leaving a bad taste in the mourh of the onlookers, overshadowing the original one. If he had responded in better grace, they might have thought "What did he mean exactly about this man sounding as though he ought to be on "Crimewatch"? Is it an insult or are they close friends or colleagues engaging in banter?" or "What a crass remark! He has embarrassed us all.". Simply trading insults does no one any credit. A witty reposte would have been best, especially if the other person laughed along with it but most of us don't have that talent until long after the event.

Shake your husband's hand for me.

The OP literally said that the idea of the "joke" was that her husband sounded as if he were in the IRA...hence Crimewatch.
So you really don't need to do any more thinking here. It's already been explained for the sake of those of you who didn't understand.

You can't just 'guess' that the single obvious explanation must be wrong and then use that as 'proof' that it IS wrong.

I could guess that, contrary to appearances, bike wheels are actually square - and thus agonise over why it could possibly be the case that they would roll so easily.

Not that it makes it better in any way, but most of the lazy offensive stereotypes about Cockneys and Scousers were/are 'at least only' accusing them of a proclivity towards petty crimes; not being involved in terrorist plots to murder innocent civilians.

The original post says nothing of the sort. It says that, on hearing the husband's NI accent, the man said he sounded as though he ought to be on "Crimewatch". The wife's assumption seems to be that the remark arose because her husband had an accent, specifically a NI one but the remark itself as she reported it neither mentions an accent, nor Northern Ireland. Her reasoning for assuming this was something to do with the Troubles is not included either. Most of today's terrorism overthe lastquarter of a century and other crime in Britain originates from people who do not have NI accents.

The original post says mothing of the sort.

@mrbulky ?????

OP said
"He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA)."

The OP was very clear.
Stop being a dick now please.

The way the wife has phrased her post, it is she who has made the assumptions about the remark being prompted by her husband's Northern Ireland accent and a possible connection to the IRA. I assume she didn't ask the maker of the remark precisely what prompted it: she either simply assumed or did not report the remark in full. People I know stopped making jokes about the Cold War and the Northern Ireland situation well over 20 years ago when they ceased to be relevant. That is why it is not obvious to me why the remark would have been made and, still less, its intention.

@mrbulky
Do you excuse (other) racist and sexist comments too?

Go to ridiculous lengths to claim the speaker really meant something else for them too?

Did you ever hear of Occam's razor?
Please stop assuming that OP doesn't know what happened.
And that all the NI/Irish people on this thread are similarly confused.

You don't know better. It may not be obvious to you why the remark was made but that is merely because of lack of understanding or lack of experience on your part. Nothing more.

If he was black or Asian or gay/non-binary etc or disabled or female, and someone made a similarly inappropriate remark, would you be defending that? Being white (an assumption on my part) and British does not make it any less offensive. Surely, anyone on here with an atom of decency can see that accusing someone of committing a crime that should be covered by Crimewatch, based solely on their accent, is wrong on so many levels.

Your husband was fine. So many people can give it out and not take it. When they say it, it’s banter, but when someone says something back they get offended.

Tit for tat

the other guy started it

Your husband gave as good as he got in response to a xenophobic comment. It's exhausting dealing with these people who think they can spew unfiltered comments about your accent, calling it banter/joking when it isn't, attitudes such as your husband's colleague are racist.

He was right to think of a reply at such short notice .
Leave them.to sort themselves out they always do

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

It's racist op. It's not ok. Can you not see that?

I’m impressed he knew the meaning of Fenian.

Do you think anybody was holding onto those signs or will admit to using them. Anyway there’s enough Irish on this thread to know the attitudes and views that abounded.

Speaking for myself I find English people very kind and polite in the main. I worked for a very English company when a student, they were unfaltering positive towards me and wanted me to stay on, that time there were real IRA bombs. What we all must do now is move on, NI is now at peace, thanks to the efforts of the British, the Irish and the Americans. It’s sad that an educated man made the comment, he’s been put in his box and hopefully will learn from it, likewise the husband has made his point, and will let it go.

🤣

Having lived in England for many years and worked in a corporate environment, I can tell you that those jokes are still made every single day by people who think it's great bants.