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Original poster

Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

521 replies

Ramsgarthy · 28/06/2024 00:47

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

OP posts:
sttf01 · 30/06/2024 10:19

I think your husband is brilliant. I’m also from Northern Ireland so would have found that offensive. Maybe next time he could say something like “great comment from the last century…showing your age a bit. You’ll be asking for hanging to be brought back next”…

VeryHappyBunny · 30/06/2024 11:03

I am not from NI, I am very, very English and I find it bloody offensive. When people make comments like this in an otherwise relaxed social event, it is no wonder there are wars in the world. I think some of the problem is the internet where you can hide behind the tweet or whatever and be anonymous and think that what you have written doesn't affect anyone. When you say these things in real life and discover how it does affect people then give a thought to what you put in writing.

Jumpingthruhoops · 30/06/2024 12:48

The other guy was being a dick, essentially calling your husband a terrorist.

Maybe support him, rather than a guy with a bad comb-over!?

Kerrie1973 · 30/06/2024 12:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OnTheRightSideOfGeography · 30/06/2024 14:05

Most of today's terrorism overthe lastquarter of a century and other crime in Britain originates from people who do not have NI accents.

Nasty, bullying, slow-of-thinking dullards can hold on to 'material' for decades and just never, ever let things go. How long did some people labour that Stan Boardman quip about 'them Germans bombing our chip shop' for? Decades afterwards.

People whose default attitude is to insult, belittle and spread disharmony will cling on to anything they can, however petty, ridiculously stereotypical and/or woefully outdated.

BCBird · 30/06/2024 14:08

Original comment was uncalled for re Crimewatch. Ur husband probably shouldn't have said anything but tough luck, the man will know better nxt time

clarepetal · 30/06/2024 14:30

WetBandits · 28/06/2024 00:53

The other guy deserved it! If he hadn’t been a xenophobic prick, your DH wouldn’t have responded in kind.

This

Bugbabe1970 · 30/06/2024 17:36

The other guys comment was worse!

OnTheRightSideOfGeography · 30/06/2024 18:09

BCBird · 30/06/2024 14:08

Original comment was uncalled for re Crimewatch. Ur husband probably shouldn't have said anything but tough luck, the man will know better nxt time

Edited

Why shouldn't he have said anything?

Why is it OK for one person to falsely accuse somebody of a terrible crime, but somehow 'not the done thing' to comment in return on something that, whilst a bit embarrassing, isn't actually doing anything wrong or bad?

Should he have just nodded and smiled?

pollymere · 30/06/2024 18:30

What a horrible thing to say to your husband. Probably not the maturest of responses but the guy saying "now you're getting personal" is hilarious. Somehow it's still deemed acceptable to be offensive to Irish and Chinese people and you're expected to take it as "a bit of harmless joking". Our poor DC - they are both!

Something to cheer - my Dad once had a comedian ask him whereabouts in Ireland he was from; the North or the South - clearly intending to lead into an offensive joke. My Dad replied "Both". The comedian assumed he was being heckled and told my Dad that he made the jokes around here ( because tbh my Dad's comment got far more laughs than he'd been getting). And for those ignorant of Geography my Dad was born in Eire in the part that's further North than NI. And of course, Eire has a whole north coastline of its own.

molly1995 · 30/06/2024 18:33

Your husband was right. There's no "joke" about the IRA and as someone from NI who was once told "I can't hear 'cos you lot blew us up", it's not ok.
Add to that, I take great offence at it being suggested there's any connotation to the IRA for being from NI- I'm British, NOT Irish.
Good on your husband for retaliating.

molly1995 · 30/06/2024 18:36

Also "personal attack"- so someone's hair is personal but their accent is not? Surely something you cannot change is a personal trait?

VeryHappyBunny · 30/06/2024 20:57

OnTheRightSideOfGeography · 30/06/2024 14:05

Most of today's terrorism overthe lastquarter of a century and other crime in Britain originates from people who do not have NI accents.

Nasty, bullying, slow-of-thinking dullards can hold on to 'material' for decades and just never, ever let things go. How long did some people labour that Stan Boardman quip about 'them Germans bombing our chip shop' for? Decades afterwards.

People whose default attitude is to insult, belittle and spread disharmony will cling on to anything they can, however petty, ridiculously stereotypical and/or woefully outdated.

Stan Boardman was on a comedy show, the quip was not directed an anyone personally and the audience all knew what to expect. The chances are that Bernard Manning was on the same bill, so if easily offended stay away. I used to enjoy the Comedians, there was Norman Collier with his "dodgy" microphone and I remember Charlie Williams dressed as a flower. I enjoyed the 70s.

By the way, Stan Boardman has every right to hate the Germans as his older brother was killed in a bombing raid during the second world war.

OnTheRightSideOfGeography · 30/06/2024 21:32

VeryHappyBunny · 30/06/2024 20:57

Stan Boardman was on a comedy show, the quip was not directed an anyone personally and the audience all knew what to expect. The chances are that Bernard Manning was on the same bill, so if easily offended stay away. I used to enjoy the Comedians, there was Norman Collier with his "dodgy" microphone and I remember Charlie Williams dressed as a flower. I enjoyed the 70s.

By the way, Stan Boardman has every right to hate the Germans as his older brother was killed in a bombing raid during the second world war.

Show quote history

I'm not even saying that Stan Boardman was wrong to make the joke/comment at the time - BUT do you really think he has the right to 'hate the Germans' as a race - including all of them aged under 80 who weren't even born when SOME Germans, under instructions from their now reviled and despised dictator (especially by modern-day Germans), sadly killed his brother?

ModernHijabi · 30/06/2024 21:57

You should really be supporting your husband not criticising him for reacting in kind.

NoDought · 30/06/2024 22:20

Ugh I can’t abide people who get offended when they started it, your husband responded appropriately.

Bansheed · 01/07/2024 00:56

molly1995 · 30/06/2024 18:33

Your husband was right. There's no "joke" about the IRA and as someone from NI who was once told "I can't hear 'cos you lot blew us up", it's not ok.
Add to that, I take great offence at it being suggested there's any connotation to the IRA for being from NI- I'm British, NOT Irish.
Good on your husband for retaliating.

This is an interesting POV to me. My husband is from NI and he is very firm that he is both. And he is protestant.

Were you born in 1995?

Original poster
Ramsgarthy · 01/07/2024 03:12

Thanks everyone for the replies. Sorry for the delay in replying - I wanted to find time to read all the replies first.

It's interesting and eye-opening to hear about the feelings some posters have about the comment about my husband's northern Irish accent.

For the record, when my husband recounted it, I just said 'that's mad that he said that' and i didn't question his comb-over response to his face.

I've lived in London for over a decade, and the only comments I've heard about the Irish accent have been positive (that people love the sound of a soft Irish accent etc). His colleagues at work really like his accent and often comment on it.

I'm English, and my husband grew up in Ireland and is Catholic. He himself makes jokes about his fellow country-men here about being from the IRA. For example, if we're in a remote part of England and come across a northern Irish person, he jokes that they are probably an IRA runaway (that's joking to me, not to the person). If other people heard this, would they think he was being offensive? Or is it ok if it comes from a Catholic northern Irish person?

I don't agree with those who think that mocking someone's bold patch is harmless. My husband is very sensitive about his own thinning hair. My dad is bald and has always been sensitive about it.

OP posts:
Louise303 · 01/07/2024 03:42

Ramsgarthy · 01/07/2024 03:12

Thanks everyone for the replies. Sorry for the delay in replying - I wanted to find time to read all the replies first.

It's interesting and eye-opening to hear about the feelings some posters have about the comment about my husband's northern Irish accent.

For the record, when my husband recounted it, I just said 'that's mad that he said that' and i didn't question his comb-over response to his face.

I've lived in London for over a decade, and the only comments I've heard about the Irish accent have been positive (that people love the sound of a soft Irish accent etc). His colleagues at work really like his accent and often comment on it.

I'm English, and my husband grew up in Ireland and is Catholic. He himself makes jokes about his fellow country-men here about being from the IRA. For example, if we're in a remote part of England and come across a northern Irish person, he jokes that they are probably an IRA runaway (that's joking to me, not to the person). If other people heard this, would they think he was being offensive? Or is it ok if it comes from a Catholic northern Irish person?

I don't agree with those who think that mocking someone's bold patch is harmless. My husband is very sensitive about his own thinning hair. My dad is bald and has always been sensitive about it.

Edited

No i am sorry it is not okay to joke about anyone with a northern Irish accent being in the ira. I think you are a troll you focus on a Northern Ireland accent how stupid you are.

CelesteCunningham · 01/07/2024 07:13

Joking that a Northern Irish person you don't know is in the IRA (never the UVF is it, but anyway) is the same as joking a Muslim you don't know is in Isis. How would you feel if that joke was made in your company when out for drinks with work?

CelesteCunningham · 01/07/2024 07:15

Bansheed · 01/07/2024 00:56

This is an interesting POV to me. My husband is from NI and he is very firm that he is both. And he is protestant.

Were you born in 1995?

Show quote history

If you're married to someone from NI then it surely can't be a surprise to you that most people feel strongly about their own nationality, whether they are British, Irish or both. My husband would never see himself as British, but does of course recognise that others feel differently.

Mouswife · 01/07/2024 07:15

The guy deserved it with his nasty comment. I would be backing my dh up on this one

Deathraystare · 01/07/2024 07:28

Ha ha! Your husband "Hit him where it hurts!".

The other guy was incredibly offensive and got back what he deserved. Absolutely. Shouldn't say things like that if you are super sensitive about your hair!!!

StormingNorman · 01/07/2024 08:47

I have often heard people within a community say things about their community that other people can’t.

So your husband joking about his accent is different to some who isn’t NI doing it.

evilharpy · 01/07/2024 08:51

Ramsgarthy · 01/07/2024 03:12

Thanks everyone for the replies. Sorry for the delay in replying - I wanted to find time to read all the replies first.

It's interesting and eye-opening to hear about the feelings some posters have about the comment about my husband's northern Irish accent.

For the record, when my husband recounted it, I just said 'that's mad that he said that' and i didn't question his comb-over response to his face.

I've lived in London for over a decade, and the only comments I've heard about the Irish accent have been positive (that people love the sound of a soft Irish accent etc). His colleagues at work really like his accent and often comment on it.

I'm English, and my husband grew up in Ireland and is Catholic. He himself makes jokes about his fellow country-men here about being from the IRA. For example, if we're in a remote part of England and come across a northern Irish person, he jokes that they are probably an IRA runaway (that's joking to me, not to the person). If other people heard this, would they think he was being offensive? Or is it ok if it comes from a Catholic northern Irish person?

I don't agree with those who think that mocking someone's bold patch is harmless. My husband is very sensitive about his own thinning hair. My dad is bald and has always been sensitive about it.

Edited

The closest comparison I can think of is black people using the N word to/about each other, but someone who is not of the same background should absolutely not use that word in any circumstances.

So no, if I heard a NI Catholic joking about another NI Catholic being an IRA escapee, I probably wouldn't be offended. If I heard an English person making the same joke I'd be extremely offended.