Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

I applaud your husband.

I think the other man shouldn’t have said what he said to your husband!! So initially he was in the wrong!!! Had he not have said anything your husband wouldn’t have had to respond!

The idiot who made the Crimewatch comment deserved it.

Good for your husband. What was said to him was horrible. I think his retort was brilliant.

I don't really understand your point! He didn't get his ego hurt, he was RACIALLY INSULTED. What part of that are you having trouble with.

What the hell has Stepford Wives got to do with anything?

It sounds like you are a misandrist and look for any opportunity to attack any man, verbally or otherwise.

If he knows about the furore this has caused I expect the husband is sorry he even mentioned it to his wife, although he was probably expecting a bit more support.

Well done your husband!

I didn't say it wasn't racist you mean xenophobic but whatever

I do know that some men try and get the insults in without thinking it through. Anyone who's worked with men like that will have seen the foot in mouth moment. Literally any association that pops in their head will do - whether that's Crimewatch, the IRA, or the Fall.

Good for your husband. He shouldn't have to put up with that crap

do I?! It is wonderful you know what everyone really means - me, mr combover, all the numerous men you work with. I worked with a British person who didn’t want to work with an Irish “fenian Cunt” as he said. Do you happen to know what he meant by that? Or the male bouncer who told me no Irish tonight, we don’t want the place bombed? What had popped into his head could you tell me as I couldn’t figure it out?

Good on your DH! Whilst pretending not to have heard might have been the more professional response, life is too short. The comment that was aimed at him 100% deserved a come back. He should applaud himself for his retort - better than being so clouded by shock & anger that he just stood there aghast. Sometimes fire must be fought with fire and this one was one of those occasions.

Or just trying to make conversation but some say the wrong thing.

How do you know it wasn't intended as banter? You have failed to understand my post. Clearly these two individuals do not have the closeness of relationship where banter works: it requires trust on the part of the receiver that the originator is well-intentioned and is not intending to insult. I myself have made that mistake (often in the remote past after a glass or two) and realised that I did not know this person sufficiently well to make fun of their characteristics without the risk of causing offence. That realisation comes with maturity. The response to banter can be a laugh, sometimes hearty, or a groan, eyes rolled and a response of "very funny" but with no offence taken. If the two men had known each other well and the responder had come back with a finely-judged and funny joke about comb-overs which was not simply a non-sequitorial knee-jerk reaction to an insult, the wheels of social interaction might well have been oiled.

Unfortunately in these times, people have lost their sense of humour and see everything through the prism of identity politics, racism, feminism, you name it, terms greatly devalued by perceptions of so-called micro-aggressions.

This

I'm half Irish. I'm acutely aware of the 'jokes' thanks.

It was a simple question - people say Dornan has this soothing voice, so much so that he's on a sleep sound podcast to listen to while you fall asleep. All I hear is creepy serial killer because the only thing I've watched him in was the Fall. That's literally all I was saying. You need to chill.

Lots of posters have already said that banter is only banter between close friends and family. It is not banter when it comes from a random bloke at a networking event.

Ignoring the "supposed comment" just gives it credence. I think the saying goes something like "In order for evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing", so by letting the first guy get away with it would be giving it tacit approval.

I'm from Belfast & fully support your DH! If the other bloke couldn't take it, he shouldn't have dished it out!

I have to say I struggle to understand the joke. The Good Friday Agreement was getting on for 30 years ago and there have been virtually no Irish terrorist atrocities committed in Britain since that time so I fail to see how anyone would expect Northern Irish accents to be featured on "Crimewatch" (if it's still going) more than any other. If your assumption about an IRA connection is right, it's a very old joke indeed (like making jokes avout theCold War). I am puzzled and it sounds as though this man committed a faux pas/conversation stopper which should have been allowed to reverberate in the pause.

I don't see an issue with what your DH said. The guy was being personal imo!

No you were excusing a hateful comment and I was giving you examples of real comments that people encounter. I laughed off those comments when I got them because I didn’t want to be difficult/cause waves but they are hurtful. If by saying you’re half Irish that means you’ve an Irish parent but were born in England and have an English accent you’re unlikely to experience the same thing - but talk to your Irish family and see what their perception of the comment was!

My guess is that the original poster's assumption that this was something to do with the former troubles in Northern Ireland was incorrect so I fail to grasp the nature of the insult. If I had been there, I would have been embarrassed and scratching my head. Why would someone with a Northern Irish accent be stereorypically more likely to be heard on "Crimewatch"? Cockneys and Liverpudlians are more stereotypically associated with crime (apologies to both: am I being "racist"?). Was this a class-based insult from someone of a higher social status and with a posher accent?

My guessis that the original poster's assumption that this was something to do with the fomer troubles in Northern Ireland was incorrect so what was the nature of the insult?

@mrbulky Your first guess was right. You can stop stretching for other reasons.

Wow! What's your problem? You're husband was subjected to a derogatory comment due to his accent/race. This shit is outdated. Good on your man for getting back at the c*nt with humour and hitting guys like him where it hurts! A few words and he's won! I'd be super proud!

Youre now doing exactly what you accused me of doing in your post of 9.30 btw. I am also familiar with the Irish temper and can see how you're afflicted. I'll step away now before you misdirect more wrath my way!

You don't think the man's comment about your dh's accent was personal?
It's not worse to comment about someone's hair than someone's accent and implying they're a terrorist

Try backing your husband

A hell of a lot of people in England don't even know what the Good Friday Agreement is.