Oldest friend caught out in a lie...

[PixiePromises]

I've known this friend over 40 years and we've been supportive of each other's ups and downs over the years.

I did some fundraising recently for a national charity very close to my heart following a family tragedy.

A small group of us were out last night. They were commenting on how much had been raised and she nodded along, saying she had put some money in. I queried this as I don't remember seeing her name. She told me it was an anonymous donation and I left it there.

The thing is if you opt to be anonymous on the fundraising platform, then your name is only hidden from the public. I set up the page and know exactly who all the donations are from and she definitely isn't one of them!

I do understand that not everyone wants to give money and of course that's their choice, but for this friend to deliberately lie about it has really hurt me.

Should I say something?

I’d be miffed too. And she obviously realises the right thing to do would’ve been to make a donation hence her lie.

@Letsnotupsettheapplcart rather the friend was put on the spot abd under a big social pressure to confirm and give money to said charity.
If she had said ‘NO I’m not going to give money’, she knows she would
1- have been judged because it’s the done thing
2- being emotionally bullied into it/being made to feel guilty about her choice
Not (just?) by the OP but by all the other friends who were so keen to say they had contributed.
It sounds to me like that woman just didn’t want to have to explain at length why she chose to do so and to defend herself, something very few of us ever relish doing.

If the friend had realised ‘it was the right thing to do’ then she would have given to the charity. Either before or afterwards (eg if she had forgotten about it).
She didnt think giving to that l’articulât charity was a good thing to do, despite the fact the OP is a good friend. And it’s ok. You dint have to give to all charities

Many if not most charities are just huge grifts. I'm very careful who I give to and it's usually small local charities where I know half the money isn't going to end up in someone's back pocket or worse.

If she doesn't want to give to your charity, that's her prerogative and it's much easier for her to nod along rather than explain exactly why she didn't donate.

She may already have several standing orders set up to different charities and didn’t want to do extra. We do that and I then don’t usually do the one off sponsorships/collections unless it’s something that I personally really want to do for a charity we don’t already donate to. I feel bad when people ask me still though so could see why she would lie.
I wouldn’t question her.

I'm in agreement with you and do not think that you are being unreasonable. I would be hurt if my oldest friend lied as she did. Personally I would ask her why otherwise it's always going to be in the back of your mind. If it's just the two of you together ask her, in a nice way, why she said she had donated when she had not. Hopefully it will not destroy your friendship.

Please don't say anything what will you gain

I queried this as I don't remember seeing her name

You're not serious? You actually did this?^

Mind blown.

What is that MATTER with you?

Bring back stocks, I say.

Chuggers are the people who stop you in the street and ask for a donation or support. They are often/usually students paid according to how much they raise, and not deserving of hatred.

As to the subject of this thread, it reminds me of a bad soap opera and a) the friendship is not very firm if this can ruin it b) the questioner has too much spare time to devote to trivia but c) as some of the great novelists have noted, people get excited about and do the weirdest things as a result.

Sorry you’re being totally unreasonable. It’s a charity donation. Nobody should be discussing who’s put what where and nobody should feel pressured to volunteer. There are actually a lot of reasons people don’t donate to charities 1) some question where the money goes ie to the people who need it or the big wigs in charge 2) if it funds scientific research some people do not want to support it because of things like animal testing. There’s probably others but those are the 2 reasons I’ve heard the most. As a newly graduated I really bristled at number 2 but honestly now I totally get it, it’s their money and if they don’t wanna risk it being spent on something they don’t believe in then that’s their choice.

The OP appears to have discarded the thread. I guess she’s unhappy with the responses

No please don't. I have a friend who I assume had the hump because I did not donate to her "Mighty Hike" splash daily on social media for a month. I was flat broke in a cash crisis which I did not want to share. I was literally waiting to sell something online so I could go shopping. You would have never known at the time.

What a horrible thing to do to your friend. Call her out in public twice and then check up on her later. If it's a national charity and she said she had given anonymously, maybe that's just what she did
,precisely to stop you checking up on her (perhaps she feels you have form for being over inquisitive over finances, given what you've said later about hers ).
Sorry if you've been affected by a family tragedy and keep up the good work fund raising but remember charity is just that , it's not an obligation to you.

It's a softly approach, she then has the opportunity to say that she does already have chosen charity's she donates to , why don't you contribute to helping with constructive advice rather than being grouchy love #charity #givingback #makeadifference

🤔 she doesn't have to say bugger all! Op isn't someone for her to answer to!

Her making a false claim is a bit weird. You checking up and keeping tabs on who had and hadn't given is a bit weird, also questioning her about it in company is a bit weird.

You're all awful people? Nah, I'm joking.. just let it go.

No! It's up to her if she wants to donate, and it isn't up to you to put her on the spot. Of course she would say she did it anonymously. That's your cue to butt out, whether she lied or not.

Wow, this is pretty shocking you keep a mental checklist of who has and hasn’t donated on the webpage. Let it go

#mugyourfriends

You’re being extremely unreasonable. It’s not up to you whether other people donate or not, it was your tragedy, not theirs.

I think its out of order to query your friends on whether they donated or not to a charitable cause. Personally, I think its none of your business if she donated or not and you should leave it now and forget about it.

Tbh
I am sick and tired of being asked to give charity.
I have my own charities that I contribute to in the thousands. I don't ask others for help as it's something I want to do.
The charity may be dear to you but not to her.
Please be understanding of this.
Recently at work l, colleagues have been pushing for a panda charity. In my opinion, the hospital and the care facilities for disabled children in my local area need this and this is something close to my heart as it has helped children I know.
Not to say that she doesn't hold what you have dear to her but there maybe something more dearer to her.
I wouldn't ask any of my family or friends to contribute unless they asked and wanted to.

Also
She may be having financial difficulties.

Or
Maybe she is going through depression and it's not something on her mind as she is struggling with the will to live.

Or
Maybe she has been diagnosed with cancer or another illness and has months to live.

Please be mindful that people go through different things in life. People maybe painting a rosy picture on the surface but maybe contemplating suicide.

Please be kind to everyone.

Not at all! I offered what she asked for. It wouldn't bother me who donated or not if this was my situation. #HelpingOthers #KindnessMatters #NoJudgment

#whatswiththehashtags? You aren't on Instagram.

Your comment is unrelated to the topic at hand. Please refrain from making personal attacks.

I was being courteous. Why the unnecessarily hostile response?