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Original poster

Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

203 replies

heartbroken22 · 14/06/2024 05:48

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

OP posts:
IwishIdidntlikesugar · 14/06/2024 05:52

I wonder what your six year old has been doing?

vickyq1983 · 14/06/2024 05:55

Doesn't matter what the child has done we live in a more civilised time where no one needs to yell at anyone. It's a toxic form of communication. I would have a word with her main teacher face to face. It might also be worth trying to clarify the situation.

Strictly1 · 14/06/2024 06:01

Children often say they’ve been shouted at when in fact the adult has used a strong tone to get the child’s attention etc. Or they may have shouted - neither of us were there.

Instead of going in full of accusations, why not go in and ask what is happening. Why is your child getting into trouble etc.

Sadly it is this immediate jump to complaint that is part of what is destroying behaviour in schools. Adults in school tell a child off and then the parents are on the phone/at the office demanding the consequences are dropped and the adult is the one in the wrong.
Work with the school, not against them.

LemonCitron · 14/06/2024 06:02

Can you ask the teacher for a quick chat after school?

Lanaa · 14/06/2024 06:08

Strictly1 · 14/06/2024 06:01

Children often say they’ve been shouted at when in fact the adult has used a strong tone to get the child’s attention etc. Or they may have shouted - neither of us were there.

Instead of going in full of accusations, why not go in and ask what is happening. Why is your child getting into trouble etc.

Sadly it is this immediate jump to complaint that is part of what is destroying behaviour in schools. Adults in school tell a child off and then the parents are on the phone/at the office demanding the consequences are dropped and the adult is the one in the wrong.
Work with the school, not against them.

This!

Safeguarding Hmm OP are you actually going to contact the DSL because someone verbally corrected your misbehaving child? By all means ask the teacher what happened but I'd think twice before wasting the safeguarding lead's time: they are there to protect children who are at real risk of harm.

HumanbyDesign · 14/06/2024 06:10

Did you mean yr 6? I can't imagine a six year old describing that their personal space has been invaded or that they'd felt shaken up and humiliated....

Either way definitely not appropriate from ta so worth approaching teacher IMO

🤔

SacreBleugh · 14/06/2024 06:14

Safeguarding? How about a conversation with the teacher first.

CurlewKate · 14/06/2024 06:14

I would want to know more details frankly. Some teachers can be very shouty and that does need to be addressed-but you need facts. I would start by asking your child to role play what actually happened.

crumblingschools · 14/06/2024 06:14

Start with the teacher. Did DD say where this happened? Obviously being shouted at is wrong, but as other posters have said a child’s definition of shouting can be different from an adult’s.

Tel12 · 14/06/2024 06:17

Presumably you've asked your DD what she was actually doing to be repremanded? I'd start there.

ThisBlueCrab · 14/06/2024 06:20

At 6 I highly doubt she has the vocabulary and maturity to say her personal space was invaded.

Firstly I would be asking dd what she was doing that causes the teacher to yell.

Most schools banned shouting and screaming at kids years ago because frankly is does fuck all except promote a combative environment. So I doubt she was yelled at. As above, a harsh tone or having to speaker in a louder tone to be heard maybe.

But if you have con earns you email the class teacher and you explain what ds has sais wirhout avcusations and then you ASK what happened bevause kids lie when they are in trouble and they embellish.

Thus is absolutely not a safeguarding issue at this point.

MeadStMary · 14/06/2024 06:20

Do you know what your dd was doing when she was told off? Is she being picked on, or is she being reprimanded for poor behaviour? As other pp's have said, a child's version of "shouting" is not always accurate.

Talk to the teacher and establish the facts before you go in all guns blazing.

MultiplaLight · 14/06/2024 06:21

She's 6, words like humiliated and shaken up aren't in her vocabulary yet so they've come from you.

What happened for her to be yelled at? Find that out first.
Secondly it is far more likely that she was spoken to in a stern tone than full on yelled at. Find out what happened before making any complaints or safeguarding referrals.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/06/2024 06:24

HumanbyDesign · 14/06/2024 06:10

Did you mean yr 6? I can't imagine a six year old describing that their personal space has been invaded or that they'd felt shaken up and humiliated....

Either way definitely not appropriate from ta so worth approaching teacher IMO

🤔

This, was the teacher also in the room? I'm quite surprised for this to have gone unnoticed by them.

Vallmo47 · 14/06/2024 06:26

I wouldn’t contact safeguarding lead without hearing teacher version of events - for it to have happened 6 times I’d definitely expect to be told my child is misbehaving in school. Your child might not be telling you the full story. There are always two sides to every story and it would be unfair to report without having heard the other one. If your child is completely innocent of blame surely all kids would be reporting the same thing.

coodawoodashooda · 14/06/2024 06:27

Your child is like being very annoying. It's appropriate for you to find out more.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 14/06/2024 06:28

Firstly six yo or year six?

Secondly you need to understand what's happened, and the best way to do this is to be calm, open minded and non-accusatory until you've understood more. In the first instance talk to the class teacher.

To other posters doubting a 6yo talking about personal space and humiliation... my 5yo has been taught about personal space. They call it personal bubbles. And whilst he may not use the exact word "humiliate" he's perfectly able to talk about being made to feel silly. I don't agree with the OP's intended approach, but it's very possible a 6yo could convey those feelings.

greengreyblue · 14/06/2024 06:29

Speak to the teacher . They will find out. Most times chn use the word shout to mean stronger tone which IS needed sometimes . I’ve had chn say they were punched to mean someone ran into them on the playground. 6 year olds are they worst for this!

greengreyblue · 14/06/2024 06:31

Also in my small school, the DSL is the teacher!

Dustpantsandbush · 14/06/2024 06:39

It does happen. I saw it happen to a 3yo and a 5yo in my last school. I reported it to the head, nothing was done so I left. Speak to the teacher and give them a chance to investigate then escalate if needed. Don’t let it go.

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 14/06/2024 06:51

I said a loud and firm ‘stop!’ from across the playground the other day when a six year old was repeatedly kicking another child, not for the first time. Later on, he refused to work with me because ‘you were shouting at me at playtime’. I wonder if his mum has had a similar complaint about me.
You need to find out what your child has been doing, and what actually happened.

PurpleBugz · 14/06/2024 06:58

Typical mumsnet response. I knew your child interpretation or honesty would be questioned. There is this belief teachers can do no wrong and the kids must be lying. My kid was picked on by a teacher I believed my kid but had no proof as teacher denied it. A TA told me what she was witnessing while almost in tears saying she felt terrible for my child but can't help but I needed to know my kid told the truth. For me an overworked stressed teacher shouting at a child is very believable they are human after all.

If I were you I would opt of email so you have a record. Start off just enquire what has happened and describe your child's version of events or they clan up and deny it. You don't want to start a fallout with school you want to resolve the issue so it doesn't happen again so be aware of your tone

midgetastic · 14/06/2024 07:01

A 6!year old felt her personal space was invaded ?

LaMarschallin · 14/06/2024 07:05

The perception of "shouting" is quite subjective.
Even adults on MN describe being "screamed at" when they mean a raised voice and/or stern tone.

lemmity · 14/06/2024 07:09

If you're able to speak to the teacher when you drop off in the morning ask for a quick word in private if possible. If not possible see if they can call when they're free. You can explain DD was upset and her version of events and see what the teacher has to say. The TA could be awful, or you DD could be glossing over her own behaviour. Calm chat with the teacher should sort it out either way.

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