Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

[heartbroken22]

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

Thank you for saying this. You are absolutely right!

Just as an additional thought, I wouldn't have had to 'undermine them' as you put it, if the teacher who was being paid probably twice as much as me, was doing their job correctly instead of letting them run riot.

To make the remark of 'I would not be impressed if you undermined me' suggests a hierarchy and a lack of respect for your coworkers. Assuming you manage your class correctly, I wouldn't need to step in and manage behaviour for you.

Fuck no my daughter aged 9 at the time was on the playground and she has really bad hearing plus partially sighted class got called in and my dd didn't hear anyway after a few minutes she realised her friends wernt there (2 diffrent classes were on the playground) so she went straight back to class the teacher then shouted at her and asked where she had been should also mention my dd has a.d.d and is very shy my dd embarrassed couldn't get her words out the teacher told her to go back outside and come back in and tell her why she was late she ordered her to do this 3 times my dd didn't actually tell me though for a week so when I found out I asked her friend what happened and she told me the same so after school that day I asked her teacher for a word she said do you want to come in the classes I said no the head teacher was there and other teachers and some parents I asked her if what my dd had said was true she said no I called her a liar as other children had told me she then by mistake admitted that she had only done it once again I called her a liar the head teacher then asked me if I would like to discuss it in private I said no I said if the teacher that made my dd feel embarrassed infront of all her peers and made her feel small then that's how she should feel she went on to say I treat all the children the same I said well you shouldn't I said these are children that look up to you not to feel insecure I said alot more that clearly embarrassed her all the children sat there while my daughter was shouted at and she was upset and embarrassed so the teacher received the same from me I left just before the teacher started crying and the head mistress said thank you for bringing this to my attention I know a lot of teachers and there great but there is the odd 1 that shouldn't be teachers go in give her a piece of your mind

I've had a similar situation. I spoke to the class teacher first and kept it informal. You can escalate if you feel it isn't being handled.

No. Don't do this. Don't ever be someone who is happy to have made a person cry. You sound like a bully.

I doubt the TA actually shouted. She probably spoke firmly. I do outreach with SEN children in schools and it’s quite common to see situations like this.

Horrible bullying behaviour. From you, to be clear.

Horrible bullying behaviour. From you, to be clear.

Definitely this.
Or an "I wish I'd done this" scenario (from someone who aspires to be a bully) except everyone would have probably clapped and cheered in that case.

I would speak to school first and find out off an actual adult what has been happening. Kids exaggerate, even your own! I would reckon there is more to this than your child is telling you.

There wouldn’t be enough money in the world to pay me to be a teacher. The balance of probabilities alone would indicate that it isn’t likely your child sat quietly minding her own business whilst rage rained down on her for the 6th time in very recent history. Yet instead of making an effort to find out a little more about what happened in a balanced way, you assumed the latter. Sigh.

Get the school’s side of it first FFS. Why do parents react to a child’s story without checking the facts? It’s common sense.

I was an HT for a number of years and wouldn’t have tolerated a parent speaking to any of my staff in this manner. I was always more than happy to have meeting to resolve issues but I certainly would not have my staff spoken to like this. Likewise, I wouldn’t have allowed any staff member to speak to parents in a derogatory manner. You sound like a fishwife and I can assure you that one day you’ll come up against someone who won’t condone your behaviour. What the HT did here was so wrong allowing you to verbally abuse a member of their staff. What are you teaching your child by acting like this in front people? That you’re a bully, that’s what. Children learn lots of things by seeing how their parents behave. There really is no need for this foul behaviour.

What six year old says that they felt their 'personal space' was being invaded?? One that has an over inflated sense of how they 'feel'? One that has been told that their feelings are the most important thing and they should complain if their feelings have been 'hurt'? I'd never heard of personal space until I was at least 40. Fair enough telling kids that their bodies are private but implying that they are more important than anyone else isn't on.

It is always necessary to find out more and the other side of the story. By having conversations with the TA and teacher, these issues can be more quickly and satisfactorily resolved. Why would you want to escalate it without finding out the facts first? Teaching staff really don't generally 'pick on' pupils, too busy working and dealing with hundreds of extra dramas a day.

My DD often thinks she is being told off or shouted at but the reality is often that someone just has a booming voice and is giving instruction or constructive criticisms. I’ve witnessed it myself where I’ve heard what the teacher has said and how and she’s come out saying that she was shouted at or told off we have had to do a lot of work on how people give instructions and feedback and why they do it. She also gets upset if she is talked to direct and feels like she is being singled out even if it’s positive. She has always been like this but is improving.

What is concerning me is that you first reaction is to think your poor innocent DD even though you have no idea what happened and complained 🙄 Whenever anything happens with your children you have to think their are three truths their truth, the other persons truth and what actually happened.

There was a similar situation that happened in my DD class last week a little boy was “shouted at”, the mum went in all guns blazing complaining to the teacher and then on to the headteacher, all the time the boy was outside the class laughing. I asked my DD what had happened and whether the teacher had shouted at him. She said the boy was being naughty all afternoon, he was being silly and talking all through the lesson. That the teacher didn’t shout at him but did speak crossly to him. I just think the mum looks like a d*€k now and the boy has been taught all the wrong things about behaviour.

Is part of the issue here the rise of gentle parenting and the disparity between that and classroom practice? So kids will be starting school who have never had anyone raise their voice at them, and then find it quite scary?

I know teachers who can control a class of 30 and never raise their voice. I'm not one of them. Not saying I yell my head off or anything like that.

complain to your daughter about whatever bad behaviour required the TA to discipline her.

I think we will never know what behaviour caused the TA to have to raise her voice six times

There’s a big difference between shouting at someone and having a loud voice. I naturally have a loud voice and to be honest it’s quite deep, so carries further. There are times when I’ve had to shout over my class when they’re too noisy and I need their attention. It doesn’t mean that I’m shouting at someone. I’ve had to explain this to parents before and while I’ll try to be more conscious of the volume of my voice, I will not change how I manage my classroom if it works for both the children and the adults in the room.
My DP tells me that there’s a huge difference in the volume of my voice when I’ve got home from school compared to on a weekend or in the holidays. He has to tell me to turn my volume down.

Not quite as young as six but my friends 7 or 8 year old slapped a TA who she claimed she was invading her “ personal space” while shouting at her.

She’s now a teen but her mum told me this recently. She had a thing about “personal space” apparently.

I was really shocked tbh about the violence!

I would try to clarify the situation first ! I’m a teacher - I was recently teaching a lesson and a little girl was talking to her friend . 3 times I addressed it , very softly . She continued so I spoke firmly and loudly. I didn’t shout , I had asked a question and others were putting their hand up but she was talking so I said “ xx can you tell me the answer and she clearly didn’t know the question so I said I think you don’t know because you don’t know the question I asked , is that right ? “ she said yes so I said “ I have asked you 3 times to be respectful and you have continued chatting with your friend . It is not acceptable , please can you show me good listening , I do not expect to have to speak to you about it again” I didn’t shout , but I spoke very firmly and louder than I usually do . She cried and when I spoke to her she said she was crying because I had shouted at her .

It sometimes has to be done , you have to be stern . By not and allowing children to continue to talk and not listen , you are not helping them . I used to be very “ softly , softly .. positive praise only “ and I ended up with a class that didn’t see me as authority , they saw me as their friend and they were always chatting and distracted and believe me this did impact on their work and me being so soft was failing them.

Of course , if a teacher has shouted into their face ( I would never go down to a child’s level and speak loudly in their face because that’s intimidating) then it’s unacceptable, of course , but I would first try to find out if that’s what happened or the child’s perception .

I’ve had issues with a parent who believes wholeheartedly, the versions of situations her DD has relayed. Her DD accused mine of a handful of issues over a 2 week period, I asked to meet to resolve and mum refused. It escalated to such a stage this child was being abusive to others. It ended with my DD being accused of bullying by this parent. I spoke with my DD to address certain aspects of her behaviour that I didn’t like, she was angry that she was being accused of things she stated she didn’t do. The school investigated and found nothing. The following week it blew up on line and it was revealed that this girl had admitted that she had made it all up. Even with proof her mum still refused to acknowledge it. My DD is prone to panic attacks and this had exacerbated it massively. This girl moved on to another girl and started again. I addressed some of my DD’s responses and decided that social media wasn’t for her just yet as her reaction did exacerbate the situation. It’s so frustrating when other parents assume their child is absolutely truthful though because it can create some issues for all involved to blindly accept without investigation.

My first question would be what had the child done to warrant the telling off and what is she continuing to do for it to keep happening

This is what is wrong in today's society. It's never the little angels fault it's always the fault of someone else . Maybe she needed to be told or had been told several times and wasn't listening and was endangering herself and others

Good point

I would have a conversation with the child then the main teacher and TA before whistleblowing to SLT.