Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

[heartbroken22]

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

They may be more comfortable in professions that don't involve young people. Indeed and stacking shelves at Sainsbury's actually pays more with less hassle. Don't be surprised if you can't find anyone to be a TA anymore. The only people that do it are there because they like working with the children not because it's easier.

There are professional and constructive ways for dealing with a 'child that may be at fault'. In general adults don't like being shouted at by another member of staff, why would children cope better with this sort of treatment, especially from a person in authority?

Do teachers and TAs want a shouty SLT? Do they want parents or children to shout at them? Of course not, because shouting is inappropriate in these situations and it is also inappropriate when dealing with children. Raising your voice to be heard in a classroom is a different matter altogether. But adults raging at kids in an angry manner to vent, have lost the moral high ground.

But the TA didn’t shout

But the TA didn’t shout
Nasty cynic that I am, she may have been worried about the complaint, so was canny enough to pretend she gave loud and helpful instructions😉

Thankfully the TA has changed her tune and treats OP's dd kindly. All's well that ends well.

I work in a school and teachers will yell. Maybe volunteer in the school and you'll see how things are from class to class. You'll understand better why teachers yell, why they have to. If they just sat there and smiled the kids would walk all over them.

@BeeorNot do you work in school?

Raising a voice to be heard seems to be what happened though. Yelling in a child's face is wrong. Shouting across the room if the child is doing something dangerous or hurting another child is sometimes necessary.

So many mothers on here seem terrified that their child may experience any sort of discomfort of any kind.
It is good for kids to be a brought up short sometimes. teachers and TAs NEED to be firm. They are in charge and so many children rule the roost at home and don't behave. A teacher should only need to give an instruction once. If that is not followed, why shouldn't they say it more firmly.
So a child cries? Is that the end of the world? Toughen up and follow instructions next time! Far too many don't hear the word NO often enough.
Yelling and controlling a classroom by fear is not necessary. But teachers apparently can't use their own initiative for fear of upsetting oversensitive children and their parents!

Massively agree with this

Your 6 year old felt her personal space had been invaded? 😳

Was she shouted at or did the TA raise her voice? Big difference.

What had she done?

Don't complain OP, just deregister your child and have a go at educating them yourself without ever so much as a harsh word as I'm sure you're as perfect as your spawn.

Seriously, what is everyone doing to do when all the teachers and TAs have been chased out of teaching by completely delusional and unreasonable parents? Good luck to us all I say.

whatever any child has done the teachers can’t model this tantrumy behaviour and also scare other children as well as the child herself! i would not let this go at all. would go to the TA herself to find out what happened and the escalate it. that is not what teachers are supposed to be doing to six year olds!!

@sarah419 where does it say other children were scared. Teacher has clarified TA wasn’t shouting.

It's awful isn't it. Grown adults are expected to creep round them for fear of offending their delicate feelings. Setting boundaries is considered abuse. Please, thank you, sorry and excuse me are considered optional. Polite eye contact is optional. They cry at the drop of a hat. NO is not a word in their vocabulary. They can't be left at a party/Brownies/Sunday school without a parent mollycoddling them. And the current/future generation of parents is feeding into this. I dread what is to come in 10/15 years time.

sarah419
would go to the TA herself to find out what happened and the escalate it.

What's the point in going to the TA if the plan is to escalate it anyway?
You've already decided the TA was in the wrong by the sounds of it.

Bet the TA is already looking at other jobs! And good luck in getting a replacement

Good luck when that TA leaves and isn't replaced. Oh well, too bad I guess.

what tantrummy behaviour?

It's awful isn't it. Grown adults are expected to creep round them for fear of offending their delicate feelings. Setting boundaries is considered abuse. Please, thank you, sorry and excuse me are considered optional. Polite eye contact is optional. They cry at the drop of a hat. NO is not a word in their vocabulary. They can't be left at a party/Brownies/Sunday school without a parent mollycoddling them. And the current/future generation of parents is feeding into this. I dread what is to come in 10/15 years time.

😂

Oh the threat of a mollycoddled educator flouncing because she was spoken to. The 6 year old is expected to be resilient and accept to be dealt with in a robust manner but the TA cannot manage a simple professional conversation to ensure they behave in a professional manner without their delicate feelings being offended? That's just silly.

@BeeorNot have you seen the thread about the teacher resigning due to behaviour in school many other teachers, support staff talking about the awful behaviour they have to put up and the parents who deny their child could do anything wrong.

40,000 teachers left the profession last year (not those retiring). Teacher training targets are being failed in pretty much every subject.

There is a reason there is a reason s hooks are struggling to recruit/retain staff. So it is quite possible the TA may be looking elsewhere and get paid more money outside education

I agree @crumblingschools the conditions in many places are very difficult. However, the OP's 6 year old dd felt uncomfortable about the way she was spoken to and the OP listened to her to ensure that she is treated fairly and reasonably in school as well as ensuring that her dd is behaving well. At the age of 6 the dc did not understand why the TA had spoken harshly and she did the best thing possible, she asked her mum and had a conversation about it.

This is good parenting. The OP didn't go to the school to abuse the TA or be rude, she had a civil conversation to make sure that everything is ok as is her responsibility as a parent. Problems do occur and parents do need to look out for their dc, although this should not been done in an intimidating or unreasonable manner.

It's awful isn't it. Grown adults are expected to creep round them for fear of offending their delicate feelings. Setting boundaries is considered abuse. Please, thank you, sorry and excuse me are considered optional. Polite eye contact is optional. They cry at the drop of a hat. NO is not a word in their vocabulary. They can't be left at a party/Brownies/Sunday school without a parent mollycoddling them. And the current/future generation of parents is feeding into this. I dread what is to come in 10/15 years time.

This is hyperbole. The world has changed in the last 15 years and there could be many reasons for children behaving the way they do nowadays. For example, "Polite eye contact is optional" is an interesting observation. There is much less opportunity nowadays for dc to actually speak to grow ups that are not close family. State schools instil a 'do not speak until you are spoken to' culture and children are generally always accompanied by their parent or carer when out and about so do not develop those conversational skills until much later, if at all. This is exacerbated by much social interaction taking place online rather than in person. But I am digressing.

Regularly shouting at children is abusive and unprofessional. But we don't know if the TA in the OP does this and anyway, the TA is now being nice to OP's daughter, so the OP did good. If her dc feels happy and safe in the classroom, it will impact positively on her learning. Should OP find that her dd is extremely sensitive and crumbles under any perceived criticism, she'd have to tackle that differently and build up her resilience. Resilience is not fostered by treating kids in a stern and intimidating manner.

@BeeorNot couple of things I would disagree with, the OP was initially going to go down the safeguarding route straightaway, rather than just talking to the class teacher. And secondly I don't see any mention of where the OP checked what the behaviour of her DD was.

’A more civilised time where no one needs to yell at anyone’??? Pray tell, what Eden are you living in 😂

@crumblingschools the OP was initially going to go down the safeguarding route straightaway, rather than just talking to the class teacher.
That would be unusual in a school as the class teacher, form tutor or head of year would be the first points of contact. It does depend on the degree of the shouting I suppose. A swift and stern "Jenny tidy your desk now!" is acceptable and rather different from prolonged yelling, repeatedly denigrating a particular child or children and a general management by fear culture that absolutely would need to be challenged, as that's emotional abuse and the safeguarding route may be appropriate. If safeguarding isn't the correct route, parents will naturally be signposted to the relevant professional to discuss the matter with.

And secondly I don't see any mention of where the OP checked what the behaviour of her DD was.
This would obviously come out in a conversation about what happened. But I'm not here to convince you, as with anything related to children and schools, there are those who just moan about how rubbish and ridiculously parents behave and how spoilt and entitled children these days are. It's really a bit blinkered. Those children will in 10-20 years be in the workforce, and some of them will be caring for the grumps.

All that talk of canny 6 year olds, mollycoddling struggling dc and claims of crying at the drop of a hat, is kind of reminiscent of the lovely Ms Trunchbull.
Actual mollycoddling is harmful to children's resilience but listening to your dc and addressing potential problems regarding verbally aggressive people is responsive parenting not mollycoddling imo. But as has been established the TA said she only gave instructions in a loud voice and she's now also kind to OP's dc.