Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

[heartbroken22]

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

Speak to the class teacher. Children are prone to exaggeration. Depending on what the child was doing it may have been necessary to speak in a raised voice. Do not automatically assume your child is innocent in all this. It sets a dangerous precedent if you always believe your child without finding out what actually happened.
Always teachers and classroom assistants are permitted to raise their voices if necessary.

• Anyway

Panic over.

So she wasn't shouting or invading your daughter's space after all.

As most posters predicted.
She won't think twice about shouting in the future because she never was, was she?

That's a relief all round. Why do you think your daughter totally misunderstood what was happening and was so very traumatised? It's very concerning that she so totally misunderstood the situation.

As she felt she was being shouted at (but it turned out that she was being given instructions) you might want to keep an eye on her comprehension skills and tale-telling abilities. She's obviously an expert at the latter, while the former could do with some work.

Ex teacher here. Happily an ex teacher due to parents like the OP. This thread brings it all back. The badly behaved children exaggerating the facts and the parents of the badly behaved children rising to it. Just not worth the stress. OP is THAT parent.

From my experience at the school gates, other parents don't like THAT parent either.
And, sadly, it's the child who's taught an overweening sense of entitlement who eventually misses out.

Atleast next time she'll think twice about shouting.

But she wasn’t shouting? She was giving instructions loudly.

Was she ‘invading her personal space’ by sitting near her as well?

Wow the OP sounds utterly ghastly! Why would this be a matter for safeguarding

I don't think a 6 year old would use such intelligent language. Why not speak to the TA and found out what happened. Stop being a snowflake.

You say that as if you approve of shouting and being aggressive with a 6yr old child......??

My kids use the term ‘shouting’ to mean raised/horrible tone. They once described a teacher as shouty, after a couple of years I saw her engage with kids in the playground - she wasn’t shouting but she spoke particularly disrespectfully.

It's funny how someone writes here for advice and then sort of ignores the comments when they don't take their side.

OP, please think twice about your own behaviour and what you need to improve in your parenting.

Being a teacher must be such a hard job as it's not just about educating children but their parents too.

Personal space invaded and yelling was quite loud, bloody hell what have we come too when this is what you want to go in school and complain about, maybe instead worry about what your daughter was actually doing or not doing to warrant such a reaction instead of making it about your daughter being the victim

No she doesn't... She says it as if there was something leading up to the event that the child interpreted as shouting...

Having worked in schools and with young people for over 20 years;

I can 100% guarantee this is not a case of a teacher randomly walking up to a pupil and shouting at them and getting in their face.

I can 100% guarantee that something led up to this event.

I can 99.9% guarantee the teacher did not shout aggressively.

I'll put money on the event being something along the lines of :

Pupil being asked to do something.
Pupil not doing the requested action.
Pupil being asked again
Pupil not doing it
Teacher moving closer to Pupil and Pupil being asked in a firmer tone.
Pupil not liking the tone and having to do requested action.
Pupil reports home "teach shouted at me".
Parents storm in demanding explanations of why their precious child was shouted at for absolutely no reason...

The reasons for the thing not happening is key here. And also determining whether shouting actually occurred.

I can tell you my child will report to you that I "they shouted at me and was mean" because I asked them to put on their shoes, and they ignored the request, so I had to turn off the TV and ask more firmly. I don't shout at children (unless of course there's actual danger/they're far away etc, but again that's not the same as aggressively shouting)

So, overall , it's best to find out what actually happened.

Your SIX year old said “her personal space was invaded”. As if 😂 Stop projecting.

If the child was doing something dangerous, to herself or someone else, a raised voice might be necessary. Random shouting, obviously not.

There is a difference between shouting and raising your voice to make yourself heard in a noisy environment.

FFS. Discipline your child, don't complain when somebody else has to.

I'd imagine the teaching assistant said she was giving loud instructions, she's not going to admit that she yelled, is she.

MN is full of disgruntled ex teachers. Remember how teachers on MN loved to refer to children as vectors for disease 😂. Also, MN loves shouty teachers because MN kids are all bright and super well behaved so if the nasty, naughty devious, lying dc get shouted at sorry, given loud instructions to they deserve it.

We have had shouty teachers, they do exist. Shouting is aggressive and while some kids are deaf to that sort of tone, other crumble under it. Especially very rule abiding ones, who may still occasionally irritate teachers cos they're kids with not yet fully develop brains.

I have no respect for shouty teachers, shouty parents or shouty grandparents. It's just a bit, shall we say, basic behaviour.

This. Sometimes you need to be loud. As long as it's not the default position in which case it ceases to work.

Exactly...poor TA .

At my school we used to get children transferring from another school because they'd been 'picked on' by the teacher. It always became apparent why they were being 'picked on' very quickly.

Nasty cynic that I am, I’d be inclined to think that your dd was worried about possible complaints about her misbehaviour, so was canny enough to pre-empt by throwing the guilt-ball at the TA - especially since she probably knew very well how you were likely to react.

Exactly...poor TA . Really? I'd imagine this sort of clarifying conversation is part of a TA's professional experience. She or he is likely a fully grown adult with professional experience and hopefully some qualifications. Why is having a conversation with your manager to clarify whether you shouted at an underage service user more worthy of empathy than a child with zero agency feeling that they were shouted at? It's a bit topsy turvy. So, the TA is poor, innocent and vulnerable but the kid who rightly or wrongly felt uncomfortable with the way the TA treated them should get over it. So funny.

I have often wondered why some middle class parents seem to love shouty educators. It's rather Victorian and steeped in prejudice and all sorts of interesting types of classicism.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/oct/02/shouting-at-children-can-be-as-damaging-as-physical-or-sexual-abuse-study-says

Talking harshly to children should be recognised as a form of abuse because of the huge damage it does. The authors of a new study into such behaviour say “adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse … is characterised by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats”. “These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognised and forensically established subtypes of mistreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse,” the academics say in their paper in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect. More children experience childhood verbal abuse than physical or sexual abuse, and the number who encounter it appears to be as high as 40% and growing.

https://www.thetimes.com/life-style/health-fitness/article/how-stop-shouting-children-kids-discipline-3qqgnbbsh

We don't know if the TA in OP's case was merely giving loud instructions or whether she has a harsh and unpleasant way with some of her pupils. But it's worth being aware how harmful shouting, yelling and denigrating children can be. There is a fine line.

Luckily the TA is now speaking nicely to OP's dc. Which tells me that he or she has changed their behaviour and the dc has noticed it. Good for the OP and her dc.

Generally, educator who are in the habit of denigrating children are obviously in the wrong job. They may be more comfortable in professions that don't involve young people.

Parents don’t want shouty staff but so many parents refuse to acknowledge their child may be at fault